5. Captain America Donut
It is fairly safe to assume that at no time did Chris Evans, nor would a real Steve Rogers, let his namesake donut anywhere near that temple of a body. This is as antithetical as a product can be. Plus, jelly donuts are gross and sticky.
4. Joker Knife
Oh yes, this is a real thing. Joker, the homicidal spirit of chaos from The Dark Knight can be forever commemorated by this very cheap knife. That’s right. These run about seven bucks. So they’re great stocking stuffers.
3. Red Skull cap
There are a couple of things to point out here. The first is that this is an officially licensed, textured version of the Red Skull’s head on a limited edition cap from the same folks who make the Major League Baseball hats. It sold for about $50 originally, and now is rare, and sells for much more if eBay is to be believed. But beyond all that, this is a Nazi you can wear on your head.
2. Hostess Green Lantern Glow Balls
1. Hulk Cologne
The simple fact is that the person wearing this item would have to be either a child or a clueless lout. No adult who is going to make a fragrance choice in their life who has any sort of idea of how the world perceives him (and it’s a him, obviously) would ever willingly let whatever this horrid scent might be permeate their world. And yet, it was produced, marketed, and sold. One of you has it, and it wasn’t a bad gift. You made that decision, and like so many decisions, you live with it, in shame, forever.