COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: The Dark Knight Rises (Spoilers)

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation….is a little different. We are going to take a look at some of the characters in the film The Dark Knight Rises. There will most likely be spoilers! Spoilers! SPOOOOOOOOIIIIILLLLLLERS!

NAME: Anthony Garcia

OCCUPATION: Mayor

RATING: Below Average

He wants to get rid of the Commissioner! Come one Anthony Garcia. That is a terrible mistake. I don’t care if you are living in peace time.  You have a nice tailor though. I’ll give you that.

NAME: Fr. Reilly

OCCUPATION: Friar. Orphan Guardian. Bus Driver

RATING: Average

I was so ready to give this guy a higher rating. He was a great guardian. He had Blake’s back and takes care of the lost boys of Gotham. However, he got so sassy with Blake with on that bridge. Look, Reilly. We are all frustrated with the current events but there is no reason to take it out on Blake. He’s just trying to help. Take a chill pill bro.

 

NAME: Stryver

OCCUPATION: Yes Man, Ice Walker, Albert Nobbs impersonator

RATING: Average

When your boss isn’t around you’re a great henchman. You got those fingerprints from catwoman like a pro. Then when Daggett shows up you turn into all wormy guy. Stay your ground! Stand strong..well not now…no, not on the ice. Don’t stand strong on the ice…sigh.

 

OCCUPATION: Congressman

RATING: Terrible

This joker. What is wrong with you Congressman? We know Selina is a cutie patootie but she kidnapped you! Did you suddenly forget you were a congressman? Did she brainwash you? Also, what is your name? I can’t find your name anywhere. Bad Congressman. BAD!

OCCUPATION: Doctor

RATING: Excellent

Finally an outstanding Gotham citizen. He doesn’t care who you are or how much money you have. He says you can’t go Heli-Skiing then you can’t go Heli-Skiing. He wastes no time either. Throws those x-rays up, gives you the bad news and gets out of there. He has other patients to see. Great job Doctor. You made us all proud. I hope you lived throughout the rest of the movie.

OCCUPATION: CIA Operative

RATING: Terrible

I hate to be the guy who brings this up but one could say this is all your fault. You secure a prisoner from mercenaries and then when they say “Hey, we got these two other hooded guys. You want them too?” You go. “Umm..sure.” like you are grabbing a pack of Snickers while checking out at the supermarket. You don’t even take their hoods off to see who they are! Why would you not just check to see what they look like. You can’t be worried about them seeing your face, you work for the CIA. Very disappointing.

NAME: Ward

OCCUPATION: Football Player for the Gotham City Rogues

RATING: Excellent

This guy can run fast. Also other teams take note, I have a feeling Mr. Ward is going to be a free agent come next year.

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Timmy Wood is a comedian and writer who gave The Dark Knight Rises 4.5 out 5 stars. Visit him on twitter !

Comments

  1. markavo markavo says:

    free agent… hahaha – oh, wait…

  2. You know I may not have heard a word the doctor was telling Bruce, because I was laughing in my head so much that Tom Lennon was in the Dark Knight Rises.

    And as for Hines Ward, I sure hope this movie wasn’t the reason he retired from football last season, thinking it would spark his acting career like Jim Brown.

  3. Balish should stick to running ops in Westeros. With Intelligence pros like this it’s no surprise there was total of ONE attempt to infiltrate Gotham. This post explains it better than me.
    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2012/07/completely-unnecessary-dark-knight-rises-post

  4. You got to give Ward a lot of credit he was so focused on returning that punt he didn’t even notice the field collapsing behind him, that’s touchdown would have surely counted if all the refs weren’t dead.

  5. IthoSapien IthoSapien says:

    Bruce Wayne
    Occupation: Owner and majority shareholder of Wayne Industries
    Rating: Terrible
    Failed to earn profits and provide for Gotham’s orphans.

    Batman
    Occupation:Gotham’s Protector
    Rating: Good(Needs improvement).
    Saved Gotham multiple times, Prepared to sacrifice life for Gotham.
    Disappeared for 5 months, took a beatdown, and tricked 2 by the poontang.

  6. camerlane camerlane says:

    I have always thought that Ward had a great kickoff return, even if all the players were swallowed up in the field it was still an impressive effort. Ward’s got some skills for sure.

  7. You gotta admit that not just these guys, but all of Gotham are pretty stupid.

    I was sad to see the Mayor get killed cause I like that guy.

  8. OliverTwist OliverTwist says:

    Lol, We could use this as a blue print for a lot of cities in the United States.