Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation:

NAME: Johnny Storm a.k.a. The Human Torch


OCCUPATION: Actor, Model


EVALUATED BY: James Lipton


His reputation proceeds him as not only an actor but also that of a super hero, a protector and a hot head. His name is Johnny Storm. I have had the pleasure of working with Johnny on several occasions in both stage and film. What a fantastic, fantastic performer.

Johnny has fire power, I am not referring to his meta human abilities but instead to the chemistry he shares with is fellow actors on stage. Once, during an off broadway production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Johnny was in a scene with another actress. The heat that generated between the two was felt by everyone in the building. The fire sprinklers even went off! It was beautiful.

Johnny often waited until the last minute to learn his lines, if he learned them at all. Some found this infuriating but as one who has had the wonderful opportunity of directing Mr. Storm in several stage productions, I found his lack of commitment to the source material both exciting and challenging. What spontaneity! I had cast him as Trofimov in Chekov’s The Cherry Orchard. He would walk onstage, forget what he was supposed to say and then would just say “Flame On!” and set himself on fire. The audience loved it.

The other actors that shared the stage with him didn’t find his antics as amusing. Yet I encouraged it. Being a fan of improv I would try to have them do improv scenes in rehearsal. Johnny would always play himself in the scene, light himself on fire and make it a transaction scene. Johnny loves those transaction scenes. They would go something like this.

Other Actor: Happy Birthday Dad, I made you a cake!
Johnny Storm: I am way to young to be your dad! You want to purchase a new car? These prices are on…FIRE, *Catches himself on Fire*
Other Actor: Seriously..

Oh, what a pleasure he was to watch.

I also helped Johnny in the different types of acting. The Method technique as taught by Stanilavski. We went over Bertolt Brecht, Stella Adler all the greats but what he really latched on to was the Meisner approach. One rehearsal he repeated the phrase “Flame On” for over three hours enunciating it differently each time. What a talent.

Johnny ended up taking a break from acting. He had to help save the world a lot which takes quite a bit of his time. He told me that he just needed some time away so he could fall in love with it again. It’s understandable but it saddens me. Every now and then I see his flaming visage on television and think how wonderful he would be in True West or How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. Come back to acting Mr. Storm. We miss you.

Any make out scenes in this play? I like acting in plays that have make out scenes. What’s the name of it again? Doubt. Okay, lets get me some make out scenes written in here. I’d appreciate that.


Timmy Wood is a comedian and writer who barely got this feature done before the battery died on his laptop. He also did fair share of terrible acting in college. Follow him on twitter!


  1. Hilariously spot on. I mean that’s exactly what Johnny would do.

    I mean the forgetting his lines and shouting flame on is just perfect. I’d love to see the actor aspect of him played more in comics directly in line with what is written above. I’d read the hell outta that book