COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Barry Allen

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation:

NAME: Barry Allen

 

OCCUPATION: Forensic Scientist

 

EMPLOYED BY: Central City Police Department

 

EVALUATED BY: Horatio Caine

 

Barry Allen right? The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that this guy took a hell of a leave of absence. First, he says he is going to take a break. Go on vacation. Then years later he shows up and get’s his job back. The rest of the Central City force didn’t care for this. He was, I guess you would say… Vacay-SHUNNED!

YEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The guy is always digging up cold cases, re-opening them and trying to solve them. Doesn’t like things to go unsolved. This puts quite a back load on the rest of the crew. Sometimes it involves digging up dead bodies. Barry re-opens cases like this all the time. It’s as if… he has a bone to pick.

YEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

He is also obsessed with certain cases involving a group of super villains. Ones that generally antagonize The Flash. He always goes after the Mirror Master, it reflects in all his reports. He won’t sweat Heat Wave, Weather Wizard doesn’t rain on his parade and he has a huge grudge against Captain Cold… if you get my drift.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

I would say his fashion style is out dated but I have started seeing some of these old clothes making a comeback. Is Barry Allen a trend setter? Who can tell. We never know what he is going to wear next. Right now he’s leaving us all… bow- tongue – tied

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (breath) EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Barry’s mind is very scatterbrained. He has a hard time focusing on one task or case at the time. He should work in a juice factory, that way he could… concentrate. In all seriousness, I try to be a guidance to the other members of the force. I tell them to not take Barry Allen’s meticulousness to heart. Remember he who takes offense… builds a wall.

YAH!

Okay. Sorry. I couldn’t help it. That was the last one. Seriously though. He means well. He really tries his best to be a good forensics scientist. When he pulls out these old cases he isn’t trying to make a scene…

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That was an accident. I didn’t mean to do that…

YEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That wasn’t even a pun. How do I turn this off…

YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

Okay. I think I fixed it. Where was I? Oh right. Barry Allen is a great Forensics Scientist. We love him despite the fact that he can be a little hard to work with. He works hard, puts his back into the work and when he does have a hunch, it’s generally best to follow it. Now, I have to be going. They apperently found the body of a man who was a known pessimist. His blood type was… B-Negative.

YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Employee Response:
I’m sorry. I don’t understand. How do you know he was B-Negative? Yeah I know you said he was a pessimist. What does that have to do with his blood type? You keep saying “B-Negative” over and over again. No. No, I don’t get it.  Why are you getting so mad? I am just trying to understand your logic.

 


Timmy Wood is a comedian and writer who lives in New York City and has never been able to keep a pair of sunglasses without losing or breaking them. If you followed him on Twitter it would make him smile. 

Comments

  1. By the 2nd picture I was smiling. By the 5th I was laughing. Well played.

  2. You’re a mad genius.

  3. hahahahaha….

  4. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

  5. Oh Timmy….You wood.

  6. Am I the only one who read the YYYYYEEEAAAAHHHHs aloud when he reached them.

  7. Jeff Reid (@JeffRReid) says:

    I’m so sharing this article with my wife tonight. Sometimes, I do this exact thing to her.

    Hilarious, Timmy.

  8. This is… hilarious. “YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!”

  9. Best evaluation yet

  10. It feels like all these evaluations have been building to this one.

  11. I’m gonna be hearing Roger Daltrey in my head all day now. I want an “Easy” button that is a “Yeah” button that plays the sound now.

    Damn this was funny! One of the best yet.