COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Dick Grayson

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation:

NAME: Dick Grayson

OCCUPATION: Acrobat, Trapeze Artist

EVALUATED BY

Gargantua the Great: The Worlds Most Terrifying Living Creature!

Dick the Circus Boy
Hello, welcome to my trailer. Please, take your shoes off before you step onto the carpet. Can I offer you some tea? So, you want to talk about Dick Grayson. Very well. Dick was one third of the aerodynamic, acrobatic act, The Flying Graysons. Yes, you are correct. It is a terrible idea to allow a child to join your trapeze act. They were doing crazy tricks, flying through the air and he was only a child! I complained about this all the time but nobody, nobody ever listens to Gargantua the Great. It is a shame too. I have so many ideas to help improve this low rent operation they call a professional circus.

The Performers Son
John and Mary were a great act and then they just had to have a baby. They spoiled this kid so much. Anything he wanted they gave him. He wanted to ride the elephants? He got to ride the elephants! He wants to start a food fight. He starts one. He wants to play with his toys while everyone is helping clean up, then he just plays with his toys. They let him get away with everything.

Dick the AcroBrat
That last thing I mentioned really bothered me. We all have dual roles here at the circus. We have our act that we contribute to the show and we also have other things we do behind the scenes. The man without a face also shovels the elephant dung. Cookie the Lion Tamer is a wonderful chef and cooks all our meals. Me, in addition to being the world’s most terrifying creature I also am also an accomplished makeup artist. All the makeup you see out there. That is all me thank you very much! Dick did nothing but his little trapeze act at the show. Oh, tea is ready. How do you take it?

Dick the Showoff
I am being harsh. It is just frustrating sometimes. He was a very accomplished performer. Very nimble and Peter Pan like. Still, no excuse for a young boy doing dangerous work like that. Again. I feel very strongly about this. What were his parents thinking? They did not even have a safety net down! I almost called Child Protective Services many times. If something had happened to that kid then this whole place would have gotten shut down. Gargantua the Great would then be Gargantua the Unemployed. Not that I would be unable to find another job easily. I did work ten years in Human Resources before this gig. I could do it again if I had to. It is my fall back.

The Accident
In fact, we almost did get shut down after the incident. You know the story. There was an accident. Just like Gargantua the Great predicted! John and Mary were..killed, bless their souls, and Dick was gone. I never heard from him again. I hear he got adopted by some rich man. I would not mind a phone call or facebook message every now and then, that little scamp..oh what am I kidding. I miss him. All the other kids that run off to join the circus are punks and don’t last a week here.

Final Thoughts
So, to answer your question, yes, he was a great trapeze artist and acrobat. He just was not the greatest at pitching in elsewhere…is that mud on the carpet? I told you to take your shoes off. Do you not have any manners? Look it’s all…you tracked it everywhere! It’s in the kitchen..AND THE DEN! HOW COULD YOU? I OFFERED YOU TEA! Do you know who I am? I said DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I am “GARGANTUA the GREAT: The Worlds Most Terrifying Living Creature!” AND YOU HAVE TRACKED MUD ON MY CARPET! Get out. JUST LEAVE!

Employee Response
Okay, check this trick out. I am going to do scale the wall, jump the billboard, go through the window, flip off the second rafter, scale the scoreboard, and hit the floor. Nothing but net.

Timmy Wood is a comedian and writer who is scared of the circus. He lives in New York City and he can be found on Twitter or email him here!