Tuesday Showdown: Aquaman vs. Namor, The Sub-Mariner

Aquaman vs. Namor, The Sub-Mariner

 

"And this," said Aquaman, holding up the tangle of rope for his wife's inspection, "is a tautline tenderfoot."

Mera tilted her head and smiled. "I belive that's a rosebud stopper knot, darling."

"So it is," said Aquaman, frowning. He placed the knot on the growing pile. A grouper rushed by, sending the mass of rope and twine floating off into a passing current. They were, of course, underwater.

"I missed tying knots," he said, hugging Mera tightly.

"Since you've been dead so very long," she replied.

"Well, yes," he sighed, absentmindedly tying strands of her coral-red hair into what he believed was a clove hitch, but  was actually more of a rolling magnus. "But also because even before my curious and convoluted death, I had been missing my hand for some time. I had the water-one for a while, but…"

"Butterfingers," she said, burrying her face into the rift between his goldfish-scaled pectorals.

"Golly," said Aquaman, completing the knot. "Remember the hook thing?"

She didn't reply, nestled there in the orange valley of his chest.

Without warning, a strange looking man in a green speedo burst through the barnacle encrusted door of the royal underwater cottage. He was all muscle and sinew and angst.

Mera hadn't heard the commotion. She purred into her husband's gilded torso. "Give me braids, my darling. Like Bo Derek." Atlantis had only recently received a print of 10, the 1979 Dudley Moore classic.

"What ho, Romulan?" bellowed Aquaman. "This is my domain!"

"I am no Romulan," said the intruder. "Nor am I the kid from the Munsters. I am Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner. I own these seas!"

"Then answer me this!" said Aquaman, taking the opportunity to gesture wildly with both hands. "How did the fiscally irresponsible dolphin finance the purchase of his new home?"

"Easy," laughed Namor, thrusting pelvically. "He prawned everything!"

The two Atlantean royals charged at one another, Mera caught between them. "Wait, lover!," she cried to Aquaman. "I know this pretender. Despite looking like a heavily botoxed Elias Koteas, he has the charisma of Billy Zane. He is beloved by all women."

Namor sneered at Mera. "Nice try, Red. But jellyfish prefer blondes."

"Worst pun ever!" howled Aquaman. "So help me cod, I will end you!"

 

Aquaman vs. Namor, the Sub-Mariner

Who wins?

(Show your work!)

Comments

  1. Hasn’t this already been settled in Marvel vs. DC??? Aquaman drops a killer whale on Namor LOL.

  2. Dude, come on Namor rocks the snot out of Aquaman. He’s all angst and mad as hell! Nuff said

  3. Aquaman would win easy….

    I’m wondering how long till somone uses the Namor is more ‘Badass’ defence.

  4. Aquaman already won this fight.

    By killer whale.

    Seriously. Check it out in the "Marvel vs. DC" TPB.

    -J.

  5. That is a Samuel Taylor Coleridge level opium dream. Well, done. Neither would win. They would eventually team up!

  6. Aquaman would toss that Seaman around like he was a monkey.  And then he would be NoMore.

  7. Actually Nemor and Aquaman fought in the ring once and Nemor kicked his ass. Here is the video:

     

    Aquaman vs. Nemor

  8. Good one Preacher!

    Namor has a special place in my heart! Plus he’s a mutant! Anyways like cactus4million sez they would team up

  9. The answer to "who wins" is clearly "Paul."  This is punny brilliance.  Marry me.

  10. Things ain’t so pacific in the Pacific!

     Yes, that is the best I can do.

  11. Aquaman, strictly on the basis of that Panel from "Panels of the Week" a coupla weeks back. The entire sea vs. Namor (plus the aforementioned killer whale)

  12. Underwater, I see the fight in Aquaman’s favor. He is much faster underwater, and underwater being a faster swimmer is everything because you need to swim to dodge and attack at someone. And once Aquaman sees that Namor is stubborn and won’t give up, he will go full potential on him and take him out telepathically or with strategic brute force. On land, Namor has a bit more strength, so I could see it a stalemate favoring him until Aquaman again chooses to use his telepathy. He could mess with his head long enough for Namor go to unfocused and lay a hard one to his face that Namor won’t be able to "roll with" and take the full force of the blow.

  13. aquaman would win in his shirtless claw hand mode

  14. In a straight up fight, Namor’s got it, no contest, I don’t care how many fishies Aquaman calls up. Dude can fly and rip tankers in half. PLUS, Namor can control sea life too, with his crazy horn… thingy. The real x-factor is Aquaman’s telepathy. Since Namor is half Atlantean, Artie could, at the very least, give him a headache. Question is, would that be enough to take down ol’ Spock-ears?

    My money is on "no." Tankers. In half. Aquaman pisses Namor off, dude’s doin’ the "Ares Split" before you can say mollusk.

  15. There should be a rematch between Namor and that whale from DC vs. Marvel. This time, it’s personal!

  16. Aquaman, got the strenght, got the army, got the experience

  17. Yeah, seeing as how Namor can fly and is stronger, he is a clear winner to me. Plus, I don’t recall Aquaman fightin no Nazis!

    The Marvel V. DC fight can’t be counted, since those were based on reader polls, so basically a popularity contest.

  18. Technically, that fight wasn’t voted on, but they did have to make it even so that the final five fights would make a difference. And, technically, Marvel won by the way.

  19. Namor would win, he has more of a mean/asshole streak

  20. Aquaman uses his command of all sea ceatures and commands Namor to "Go away and never return". Namor is by definition a sea creature.

  21. Let’s see…

    JMS has shown us Arthur can call upon many, many creatures in a fight. I have no doubt that can make him win against other animals or lesser villains. However, Namor has a big mean streak and we’ve seen he’ll kill his wife before backing down. Plus he has an army filled with sea warriors.

    I’d give it to Namor just on those credentials alone.

  22. Namor pulled of a scaley green Speedo for decades.  That alone qualifies him as the winner.

  23. Namor. He is far stronger, he is nearly as strong as the Hulk. Aquman has never been shown to my knowledge in that class. He probably has more experience, as he is older and has been fighting since WW2 (though its currently unclear how long he was an amnesiac hobo, so it may be, from his perspective, only a few years more than Aquaman has been active) I dont think Aquaman controls sea creatures, he communicates with them. They listen because he is their "ruler". Namor also has pointy ears and wings on his ankles, which are far superior to a hook, a water hand or an orange shirt.

  24. Namor and his 70s black disco suit definitely take the cake for me. The fishy, fishy cake.

  25. This is just as silly as Lobo vs Wolverine. Lobo wins that fight and Namor wins this one.

  26. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    I love that it can be so matter-of-fact either way. I love you cats and kittens. 

  27. This article’s premise is disturbing.  I find it unCONCHionable. 

  28. Namor calls in the Invaders. Human Torch and Tonto heat the oceans up, forcing Aquaman to surface. Bucky goes Captain America 2.0 on Orin’s royal ass, while Steve and Poisoden (From the Odyssey) share stories about damn kids.

    Namor Wins

  29. I think if it’s a pun competition, Namor quits in disgust and swims off to pick up a blonde while Art is still cracking himself up.  But that’s just me.

    Well played, Paul.

  30. Aquaman wins because he’s so well rested from being dead so long.

  31. @stuclach- HA!  Comment of the week

    @DaveCarr-Tonto? Like from Lone Ranger?

     

  32. The only way Namor could beat Aquaman is in a Douche Contest… and even then, it would be by a hair.

  33. Aquaman also has that White Ring on. So he could like.. bring dead birds back to life.. to win.

  34. Namor posesses the time gem, which trumps white lantern ring!

  35. So chicks dig guys who tie knots?

  36. Aquaman is way too prone to dying, rebooting, losing limbs, getting replaced in live action etc. Plus no feathers on his ankles. I think Namor just punches a cosmic cube or source wall or watcher or whatever and AC just blinks out of existence.

  37. Aquaman wins, because let’s face it, anyone who’s not very familiar to comics who sees an uncaptioned picture of Namor will think he’s Aquaman.

  38. @flaco – I don’t know if you can win that two weeks in a row, but I’m going to try.

  39. @NathanNicdao Umm Namor is shirtless with green shorts and black hair.  Aquaman is blonde with and orange shirt. How do they look similar? Now if you describe them lots of people will think namor is Aquaman

  40. Paul the puns, the puns!!!

    Knowing that Namor is far stronger and faster than himself, Aquaman uses his familar surroundings. He strikes and hides repeatedly wearing down Namor. Namor then decides, if he can’t attack Aquaman he would attack the next open target and sets his sights on Mera. 

    Namor corners Mera and he embraces her and says, "I normally prefer blondes but your beauty is so striking." He then kisses Mera leaving both her and Aquaman speechless.  Infuriated Aquaman summons his horde of sea creatures to attack Namor.  They free Mera away from Namor and he replies, "You have your friends and I have mine.  I might be an Atlantian but I’m also a mutant."

    At that time several of the X-Men are telported to the underwater world by Pixie and Nightcrawler, fully decked out in high tech underwater gear.  The X-men make short work of Aquaman’s "army".  Cyclops then confronts Aquaman and says, "I can’t have anyone threating mutants.  I am tasked with the survival of all mutantkind and we will survive!" Cyclops then fires an optic blast severing Arthur’s arm and carves a M in his chest. "Let this serve as a reminder and an example to all of those who threaten mutantkind", commands Scott. 

    Aquaman falls to his knees and mumbles, "Not again, not again, I just got back. I was finally whole again."

    As Namor and the rest of the X-Men take their leave Mera cries, "Namor take me with you". Namor turns to her, he smirks and says," I told you I prefer blondes".

    (Hey at least I didn’t through in Deadpool again for no reason. 😀 )

  41. Aquaman, nuff said.

  42. Both Namor and Aquaman try to use their fish mind-control powers against one another, but instead are devoured by all the sea-animals no longer content to live as slaves.  The resulting feeding frenzy inspires an Oscar-winning documentary and a CGI animated musical ("Chums"). 

  43. @DamonS23: I have old comics of Namor, I read them and people say to me: " ooh! Aquaman!" BTW, that was captioned.

  44. If Aquaman dropped a killer whale on Namor (as depicted in their first fight) you would end up with a killer whale with a Namor sized hole in it.

    Flying is a pretty big advantage to begin with then add in the fact that Namor is Hulk level in strength, I think we have a clear winner.