Everyone Is Mad, So Here Are A Few Poems

Everyone is mad again this week. But I said in my new year’s resolution column that I was going to be stepping back from the “outrage of the moment” culture that has become part of comics and I intend to stick to that. Instead, I thought I would try to find some harmony and inner peace by writing haikus about the books and storylines I’m currently enjoying.


Superman wears jeans

Story gets convoluted

Makes sense in the trade

Logan runs a school

Scott starts a revolution

Should work just fine, right?

Joker has no face

A man’s family falls apart

No crowbars this time

Peter Parker dies

Doc Ock carries on as him

Ghost Pete whines a lot

Off-duty archer

Avenges with his arrows

Aja forever

Two parents at war

Tree rockets and TV heads

When’s the next issue?

Three Thors in One Book

Against the same enemy

Godkillers are tough

Matt is Daredevil

But you’re not supposed to know

For him, we’ll pretend

All threats escalate

From both living and the dead

Walk on you sick book

Pulled forward in time

Here to stop their future selves

Hated, feared, funny

Just breathe.

Just breathe.

I don’t know about you but I feel much better. I really do, I’m not just being funny. That was both enjoyable and relaxing. I bet you can see where this is going next. I want all comments written as haikus! I’ve gone mad with power, but trust me, it’s for your own good.


Ryan Haupt is the wise man at the top of the mountain. Here his spout science wisdom on the podcast Science… sort of.


  1. Haha! These are all fantastic. I can’t pick a winner. Maaaybe Daredevil.

    Good stuff, Ryan. I feel more calm already.

  2. Ha! Well Done!

  3. Amazing this is
    That I recognized them all
    I’m calm as the Hulk

  4. What does it say about me that even tho I’m not reading all the books he’s referenced, I’ll still got the references completely? Seriously hey @Ryan, if you even made a book of this stuff I would buy it. Even tho I’m not into poetry.I’m also not well versed in Haiku, but I was entertained nonetheless.

  5. Adolescents fight
    A young new Darkhawk rises
    Hopeless writes, Ron weeps

  6. Very good haikus
    I’ve only read two of these
    Vaughn good, Snyder bad

  7. I must be doing something right because I didn’t even realize everyone was mad again. Anyway, nice haikus.

  8. Why are people mad?
    There are great books to read and
    iFanboy haikus!

    Also, Prof. Ryan
    I’m using these in my class
    because they’re awesome.

  9. What book is last poem?
    I’m not reading it I guess
    Sounds interesting

  10. This should be a thing
    Writing haikus about books
    Poetry is fun

  11. Anger begets nothing
    Just buy the books you like, gang
    I’ll end with Burma Shave.

  12. Excellent work, man.
    We all need some calming words
    About folks in tights.

  13. Sexica and Nik
    Doing something, not sure what
    But it’s beautiful

  14. The bomb is a front
    Mayhem and power are king
    Einstein loves whisky

  15. Meru needs idea
    Henry Lyme reveals the truth
    Shampoo, rinse, repeat

  16. Earth in great danger
    Universe tells bad guys, “Stop”
    Everyone goes, “Huh?”

  17. I ignored Ultron
    Pockets emptied anyway
    No food on wednesdays

  18. Ex-cop is a-hole
    Blue flying donkey appears
    Have not read end yet

  19. In a strange comic
    Tony Chu eats crap for his job.
    No, literally.

  20. Thought I’d try some Cap
    Sold out, and no back issues
    Damn FLCS

  21. *ring* hello, IT
    have you tried turning it off
    And on again? *click*

  22. Three ninety nine sucks
    So some fat cat gets fatter?
    Marvel gets no bucks

  23. Haikus are such fun
    I enjoyed this quite a lot
    Next time limericks?