Listen, I get that there are easy jokes to be made here, but I’m not going to make those. That’s not why we’re here. They’re big and powerful, and don’t have to worry about the real world implications of obesity. If I could trade my post Thanksgiving bloat for an immovable body and immeasurable strength, I’d get on that train.
5. Fat Cobra
It’s right there in his name, and he’s owning it. Plus he’s got some wicked kung fu. A match for the Iron Fist himself, not to mention plenty of other foes in the ring, Fat Cobra is so confident in himself that he’s perfectly willing to parade around in his sumo diaper. No shame. Luckily no E. Honda lawsuits either!
4. Big Bertha
The more girth she adds, the more invulnerable and strong she becomes. Would that it were always the case. As the most famous supermodel in Milwaukee, WI, Ashley Crawford wanted more out of life, and she turned out to be a mutant with complete control over her adipose tissues, and she went and named herself after a very powerful WWII howitzer.
3. The Blob
Fred Dukes might be the original plus size supervillain, appearing way back in X-Men #3 (the first one). They say they make everything big in Texas, and the Blob is no exception. He controls his gravitational mass, and he’s got a mad-on for people, probably from his years of being gawked at in the circus back before people knew it wasn’t OK to laugh openly at those different from themselves. It was an uncouth world. Wikipedia also points out that he can be incapacitated by Alcohol, but you’d need a lot.
2. Kingpin
There is not a more imposing character than Wilson Fisk, short of maybe Von Doom himself. He took over all the crime in the city more full of superheroes than anywhere else on that fake earth where they live. He might look like he’s a mountain of a man, but he doesn’t move that way, and he doesn’t think that way. Basically, ascot or no, he’ll beat your ass. You’ve got to respect that.
1. Volstagg
The Lion of Asgard might be voluminous, but he’s the guy you want to hang out with on your tour of Odin’s kingdom. If you ask me, that Thor movie made one crucial mistake, and their Volstagg wasn’t even close to big enough. Originally portrayed as a bit of a bumbler, Volstagg has come into his own, and then he accidentally causing the destruction of of Soldier Field in Chicago, and doing in a lot of other people who also love sausage. But it wasn’t his fault! He was attacked! I’m all for giving the big V a break, because just look at him! He’s the best uncle I never had because he’s completely fictional.
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They were so fat that everybody liked them and there was nothing funny about them at all.
Somewhere I have an old Spider-Man issue with the Slug. He was morbidly obese and couldn’t move around. He was a crime boss similar to the Kingpin, but his signature style of killing people involved his goons stuffing people’s heads into the Slug’s fat rolls until they suffocated. No, I am not making this up.
This article is phat.
Anybody remember Phat from X-Statix? I loved that book.
The Blob isn’t fat! He’s just “big boned”!
As i was scrolling down and saw kingpin was not #1 i thought “bullshit, do you know how hard it is to pull off being fat in a white jacket (not a slimming color) purple pants and ascot” but when i saw volstagg i realized ” its even harder to pull off being fat in a gold cap, magenta tunic (with puffy shoulder no less) and bucanneer boots”
i do have a special place in my heart (belly? no thats gross) for fat peter parker from earth x.
I couldn’t agree more with the first paragraph. That is almost exactly what I was thinking.
I completely agree about Volstagg being too small in the Thor movie. That was my initial response leaving the theater.
Blob in Uncanny X-Force is amazing. The crazy tattoo? I think he is legitimately terrifying.
“Hey kids! Do you love fat hairy man with bad acne? Then you’ll love NEW BLOB! He can fit three X-men in his kung fu can! Human suppository NOT included.”
Mojo, anyone?
futuristic Jabba the Hut!
I think an honorable mention should go to Mojo.
The Blob is weird to me because sometimes he’s portrayed as just a fat guy…..But other times he’s considering one of the most unstoppable forces in the Marvel U outside of Juggernaut. Very weird.
But Volstagg as #1 is definitely the right choice. Kieron Gillen should do a mini with Volstagg and the Warriors Three.
I was planning on eating lunch in 10 minutes. Maybe I’ll just have a few crackers and do some push-ups. Maybe.
“Wikipedia also points out that he can be incapacitated by Alcohol,”
So, his weakness is the same as everyone else’s?
Thinking eath-x and fat wolverine should have made list
Fat Cobra is one of my favorite new-ish characters. I love that he has stuck and gets used pretty frequently since the demise of Immortal Iron Fist.
Victory Wenches? sign me up! KFC double downs for BREAKFAST(with syrupy dippin’ sauce)
As a duly appointed representative of the National Association of Fat Dudes, I approve this list.
Does DC have any cool fat guys?
It started as a general list, but at the end, I had all Marvel characters, so outside of Dan Dreiberg from Watchmen, I didn’t find much. And he just let himself go a little.
Bouncing Boy!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bouncing_Boy
Penguin? That’s all I got.
DC works out and eats right.
Marvel is the universe with “real problems”.
If we’re including Vertigo characters, there’s always Allfather d’Aronique from Preacher.
The GI Joe franchise really dropped the ball by not figuring out how to do a Marvel Crossover involving “Fat Cobra”
Considering it was directed by Kenneth Branagh I was amazed that he didn’t call on his old pal and Branagh movie alumni Brian Blessed to play Volstagg. There has never been a better or bigger fit for a character.
I kinda wanted Kenneth to cast himself as Odin to but Anthony Hopkins was great so fair enough.
Nice to see Marvel paving the way for fat dudes from the start. Kinda a shame they are mainly evil
I don’t know who Big Bertha is, was she in the last issue of Red Hood and the Outlaws? I was introduced to Fat Cobra in The Amazing Spider-Man in the Spider-Island story arc, but not really told who he is, and he just appeared in Wolverine issues #18 and #19. I’d put Kingpin at #1.
Big Bertha was a member of the Great Lakes Avengers
@josh Was that a ‘Safe Men’ reference in the title of the article?
Nope, because I have no idea what you’re referring to.
The Allfather from Preacher is definitely my favorite fat comic character. I also have a soft spot for Pinball from Squadron Supreme.
As a big, fat character myself, I’ve always wondered about the Blob and his costume. How does he keep from chaffing? Maybe that’s why he’s so mean.
I remember an issue of New Mutants, way back when, and Karma was somehow transformed into a ginormous fat lady. I think Bill Sienciewicz was drawing the book.