Hey iFanbase, Timmy Wood here. The following is from a series of emails that were sent around the Justice League of America. I pulled a fast one and got a hold of them. Read them quickly before Batman takes them down. 



Black Canary     Dec 10 (7 days ago)

Alright everyone, it has been requested by several of you to have another Secret Santa this year. I have taken all the names of everyone who wanted to participate and have randomly emailed them to you. DUE TO SOME ISSUES LAST YEAR I HAVE TO ADDRESS A FEW RULES.

1. No Cheating. Nobody try and read minds (J’onn), use spells (Zatanna) or Time Travel (Booster) to figure out what you are getting and who you are getting it from. If you can’t wait a few days, then don’t participate.
2. Don’t be jerks. Let’s get each other good gifts, put some effort into it, no “barely used” iTunes gift cards (Hal)
3.  Everyone email us and let us know what you got!

Get to gift giving and happy holidays!

The Atom     2:00 pm (9 hours ago)

I just got a bunch of books from Green Arrow. Thanks for THE LIES THAT OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM IS TEACHING US AND CALLING IT HISTORY, THE BIG LIARS. I can’t wait to give it a look.

Green Arrow     2:10 pm (9 hours ago)

You’re welcome Ray. You can use that in your college lectures.

The Atom     2:21 pm (9 hours ago)

My name is Ryan….and I teach chemistry….

Green Arrow     2:28 pm (9 hours ago)

I got my gift too! Thanks for the beard trimmer Cyborg! Maybe, someday you will be able to grow some facial hair of your own!

Arrow Out!

Cyborg     3:02 pm (8 hours ago)

I just want to make it clear that I can in fact grown facial hair if I really wanted to. I can.
Anyways, I received package in the mail from my secret santa. A framed 8×10 Glossy of Booster Gold from Booster himself. Thanks, I guess.

Booster Gold     3:33 pm (8 hours ago)

Framed AND Autographed! You’re welcome young man! I received a board game from Animal Man. Thanks Buddy, I am not sure when the opportunity will arise for me to entertain my guests with an exciting game of TWISTER but when it does, I will whip this puppy out.

Animal Man     4:16 pm (7 hours ago)

Hey, my kids love that game. Thanks for the tickets to the burlesque show, Zatanna. Is this something I could take the kids too?

Zatanna     4:22 pm (7 hours ago)

You’re welcome! Um…..probably leave the kids at home. Plastic Man, this coupon for one free massage better be for an actual massage parlor.

Plastic Man      5:09 pm (6 hours ago)

Oh, sorry. I should have been more clear, Z. That is a coupon for me to give you a massage. Me. Not a massage parlor.

Zatanna      5:12 pm (6 hours ago)

Hey Black Canary, great job so far.

Black Canary      5:29 pm (6 hours ago)

You guys. I said good gifts. These all sound like you just grabbed something last minute. It’s like you didn’t put any thought at all into what your person would want as a present…

Plastic Man     5:36 pm (6 hours ago)

I don’t know what you guys are talking about, I got a great gift. I get to act as sidekick to Batman for one night only. Included in being a sidekick is a workshop on detective skills and a free burger from Gotham’s Burger Hut.

Zatanna     5:39 pm (6 hours ago)

Gah! That sounds like a great gift!

Cyborg     5:43 pm (6 hours ago)

And wasted on Plastic Man of all people.

Batman     6:00 pm (5 hours ago)

I’m glad to hear everyone liked the gift I gave Plastic Man. My gift was from Hal. He sent me framed and autographed 8×10 glossy of Booster Gold. Thanks Hal. How thoughtful of you.

Green Lantern     7:10 pm (4 hours ago)

He had a bunch laying around! I think it’s a great gift. Bats you love Booster! I am opening my gift right now as I type this…it’s from Jonn J’onzz and …it…is…wrapped this tight Jonn….it’s…OOOOHH SUPER TROOPERS ON DVD! OH YES! YES! YES! YES! I LOVE THIS MOVIE! YES! HOW DID YOU KNOW? YES! YES! Does anyone have a DVD player I can borrow?

Martian Manhunter     7:38 pm (4 hours ago)

I received a new fedora and trenchcoat from Superman. Thank you. I haven’t worn either of these in a while and it’s about time I tried them back on again.

Superman     8:11 pm (3 hours ago)

Wow, Hawkman brought me a Kryptonian artifact, a vase to be specific. I haven’t seen one of these in a while and I was sure they all had been destroyed with the planet. A truly thoughtful gift.

Hawkman     8:18 pm (3 hours ago)

I am happy you found joy in my gift Superman. We of Thanagar gain much pride in our acts of giving gifts. We live for it almost as much as we live for battle. I searched for your gift for 72 hours until I found the exact, perfect, Kryptonian Vase.
I must now thank The Flash for giving me a small, decorated lasso.

The Flash     8:25 pm (3 hours ago)

No, Hawkman, that’s not a lasso. It’s a tie.

Hawkman     8:31 pm (3 hours ago)

I shall use it to bind my tiny enemies.

The Flash     8:39 pm (3 hours ago)

I received….what I am assuming is…is…Diana what is this?

Wonder Woman     8:42 pm (3 hours ago)

It is the heart of a Tapir. A delicacy of my people.

The Flash     8:47 pm (3 hours ago)

I will have Iris toss it on the grill.

Wonder Woman     8:55 pm (3 hours ago)

And I must thank The Atom for the Amazon gift card.

Cyborg     9:01 pm (2 hours ago)

You wanna trade?

Zatanna     9:09 pm (2 hours ago)

Yeah, let’s work out some trades. Who wants a Plastic Man administered massage?

Green Lantern     9:13 pm (2 hours ago)

I have a lot more 8×10 glossies of Booster to trade.

Black Canary     9:28 pm (2 hours ago)

STOP! Stop it! Nobody is trading. You  got the gift you got! I am banning secret santa. You all are clearly terrible at this and we are ending this tradition after this year. I am very disappointed in a lot of you.

Firestorm     10:05 pm (1 hour ago)

Hey, I never got my gift. Who was my secret santa?

Black Canary     11:30 pm

Oh my gosh, honey. I am so sorry. I forgot. I was your secret santa.

Firestorm     11:31 pm

That’s okay. I was supposed to get Blue Beetle a gift. Does anyone know if Ted got it?

Black Canary     11:39 pm

I’ve made a huge mistake. That was supposed to go to Jaimie…Ted is…oh how do I put this…. Look, why don’t I just call you.



Timmy Wood is a writer and comedian who lives in New York City. He is on Twitter often, probably too often.



  1. Damn, this is good!

  2. So good. I would read a series about big sexy arrow just being an ass to everyone. Arrow out!

  3. Amazon Gift Card…I think the sound that escaped would most accurately be described as a “chortle”. Nice!

  4. I love these! My favorite part is the e-mail addresses lol

    • I KNOW! “CASH4GOLD”? “SighBorg” is my favorite. It fits his current iteration perfectly. Also, Firestorm having a hotmail account=perfection.

  5. This should have waaay more comments. Timmy is hilarious. Please do these more often!!!

  6. This is very funny! The e-mail addresses are cool, too. I love getting looks from people when I burst out laughing.

  7. This was fantastic! I really enjoyed the Amazon gift card.

  8. Any chance we will see Teen Titans secret santa next?

  9. Hilarious, I could see this as a DC Nation skit. I wish this kind of stuff could be made into a series by DC, I’m still enjoying the New 52 but the universe is so serious now.

  10. I love how Firestorm’s email is not “” but rather “ “. Hahaha!

  11. Is the current Hawkman anything like the one depicted here? Because that is a Hawkman I would read.

  12. So so funny!!! I loves it, it’s like a little peak through the window into their lives and I just wanna go inside, sit down and keep listening, more anytime.I love this group of characters together. No pun intended on the window peaking (Alex Ross pic).

  13. All these gift ideas were great for pics for to and from, but that’s the point I’m sure and why it works. On another note, this reminded me of what I think would be a great mini or elseworlds tale….J’onn J’onzz Noir where he does some detective work with the fedora and trench coat on, or just like to see him in that guise more often.

  14. I lost it at the Hawkman/Flash interaction. So good. “I shall use it to bind my tiny enemies.”

  15. Pretty funny!

  16. Haha these are great. And it works so well because the Justice League have such a wide range of characters that you can mix serious people aka Batman, with the more fun loving guys like The Flash.

    Keep them coming 😀

  17. The Superman/Hawkman/J’onn exchange was actually very sweet.

    Please do these everyday, forever.