Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!
NAME: Norrin Radd a.k.a. The Silver Surfer
ADMINISTRATION – Excellent
When I recruited Norrin Radd as one of my Heralds I know he would be a shining star in the Galactus Apprentice Program™. He had a great resume, studied at the finest schools Zenn-La had to offer, and he was willing to take on the position of Herald to Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. That is a big commitment. It is long hours, you have to move away from your loved ones and the commute is terrible. That is why I always try to make the position as rewarding and comfortable as possible. Hence the power cosmic. I also specifically gave him a surf board because I knew he was interested in that stuff. I take care of my employees. Ask anyone who has worked for me. No other demi-god in the universe has as good of a dental plan as I do. No one. Anyways, I had a lot of high hopes for Norrin and for the first few years he did not disappoint.
DEPENDABILITY- Above Average
Norrin, or as you may refer to him, The Silver Surfer went above and beyond the first few years. He was so eager. I would just offhand mention that I was a little hungry and five minutes later he had scouted out a small planet that would make for a wonderful snack. He even knew my favorite type of planets for specific occasions. I enjoy water based planets when I am relaxing or having had just come home from a hard day of work. If I am going to the movies he would get me planets that both contained sweet and salty characteristics. If it is a festive event he would provide a fermented planet. He really took care of me.
TEAMWORK- Below Average
This is where we had some issues. He is a smart guy and eventually he felt he was over qualified for the position. Which he probably was. There were also some moral issues that came into play especially when it came to Earth, a planet I still have yet to devour. Disappointing, I know. We had a falling out over that. We both said things I am sure we now regret. I was like “Hey you like Earth so much, why don’t you just stay there.” He said “Well maybe I will!” and then I said “I’ll see to that!” He fired back “Good luck replacing me” and then I said, sorry I get emotional every time I talk about this, I said “You Heralds are a dime a dozen. I’ll find another one in no time.” I regret only two things in life. One of which is saying that. The other regret is creating the Ultimate Nullifier©.
EXPENDABILITY- Below Average
I went looking for a new Herald for my Galactus Apprentice Program™. There were several that came and went. There was Gabriel the Air Walker, Firelord, Nova, Thor even bailed me out by loaning me the Destroyer. I still need to get that back to him. It’s in the garage somewhere. There was also Terrax and Morg. Those Morg years were rough. They all got dismissed or killed during the program. None of them ever measured up to Norrin and then I realized, you can’t replace Norrin. You just can’t. Once I stopped trying to do that things worked out so much better. I got Stardust now. Treats me well.
PERSONAL APPEARANCE- Excellent
He’s a sharp dresser that’s for sure and I know fashion. I have never seen someone do so much with so little. I have to take credit for the silver part. That was all my idea.
There was a time when I was just down and out. I called Norrin and said “Hey, I am in a bind. There is this Annihilus thing coming up and my last Herald, Red Shift, just died. Is there someone you could recommend for the position? ” He was really great and said “Hey, I’ll come and fill in for a bit until you find someone.”
And then he showed up with that sweet/salty planet. So thoughtful.
Did he mention that tampered with my soul multiple times, ravaged my home planet and imprisoned me? No. Didn’t think so. He also eats planets! I bet he played the victim though. That’s so like him. He did have great dental plan. That part is true.
Timmy Wood has been watching a lot of Celebrity Apprentice. You can see him rooting for Penn Jillette over on Twitter.