COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Bruce Wayne

Hello, and welcome again to Comic Book Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week.

Today’s evaluation is a bit different. I found an audio recording of a tour given at Wayne Enterprises. I transcribed the Bruce Wayne portion of the tour so that I could share it with all of you. You’re welcome.

NAME: Bruce Wayne

POSITION: CEO

BUSINESS: Wayne Enterprises

EVALUATED BY: Lucius Fox

ADMINISTRATION: Excellent
We are almost done with our tour of Wayne Enterprises but allow me to take a moment and talk about our wonderful CEO, Bruce Wayne. Mr. Wayne followed in his father’s footsteps and has lead this company into the new millenium. We had Wayne Steel, Wayne Medical and Wayne Shipping but under our current leader we have established other successful branches such as Wayne Electronics, Wayne Biotech and most recently Wayne Entertainment. Did I mention that we just signed a sitcom deal with TBS? Look for Hangin’ with Mr. Pennyworth coming this fall.

COMMUNICATION: Excellent
Mr. Wayne really pushes the importance of communication. That is why we have our own, private internet search engine. Waynezilla! The fastest search engine currently on the information superhighway. In fact, we just bought out Lycos..um…excuse me…you there. You in the back. No pictures, please. Thank you. Where was I?

TEAMWORK: Excellent
Ah yes, teamwork. Thankfully, the head of our company has seen to it that every division works together to create the wonderful team of Wayne Enterprises. Wayne Shipping, Wayne Tech and Wayne Steel are our trinity. Our foundation even. WayneSpace and WayneMotors represents both exploration and speed. AquaWayne is..um…AquaWayne…We haven’t found a good use for that one just yet but we will eventually. I promise.

DEPENDABILITY: Excellent
Just like  you can depend on Wayne Enterpises you can always depend on Bruce Wayne. I know he is in the tabloids often. Usually with a new girlfriend every week. However, he is putting in the hours and always thinking about the future. Some say he works too hard. That maybe he could lighten up a bit. Take a vacation. Others say that he is the reason so many other bad companies exist. They rose up only to rival our existence. Some say he doesn’t even exist that he is just a some urban myth business moms tell their business sons about. “Be a good company or Bruce Wayne will cause a merger.” Stuff like that…..

What was I talking about? How long have I been standing here. I spaced out there for a second. Sorry. Again, you in the back. Please. Stop with the pictures.

PERSONAL APPERANCE: Excellent
Sharply dressed and the hair is always perfectly parted. He doesn’t seem to have aged for the past twenty years. I would even say he looks younger….I thought I said NO PICTURES! Who are you anyway? Are you a spy for LexCorp. Get him out of here. Go on. Get.

FINAL THOUGHTS
My name is Lucius Fox and my job is to save companies but I am going to let you in on a little secret. Bruce Wayne saved me and saved all of you….fifty percent off every purchase from our gift shop. We’ve got postcards. We’ve got t-shirts. How about music? If you purchase the latest NOW that’s what I call Gotham MUSIC we will throw in a  Jock Jams album for free.

That brings us to the end of the tour. Thank you everyone. You were the best tour group I have ever had. I seriously mean that.

EMPLOYEE  EMPLOYER RESPONSE
“I am currently out of the office today but if you need anything please contact Lucius Fox. He can handle anything related Wayne Enterprises. You may not leave a message. There will be no beep at the end of this recording. Also, lose this number.”

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Timmy Wood went on the Wayne Enterprises tour once and all he got was this  t-shirt. He can be reached on Twitter.