Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!
NAME: Patrick “Eel” O’Brian a.k.a Plastic Man
OCCUPATION: Criminal, Safecracker
EVALUATED BY: Mr. White, Mr. Pink and Mr. Orange
EXPERIENCE – Excellent
Mr. White – This guy. This guy was brought in by Joe to be our safe cracker for this job. I worked with him before. He’s great.
Mr. Pink – I don’t care how talented he may be at opening safes. Something went wrong. All of the sudden superheroes are everywhere and Eel O’Brian is gone. You don’t find that strange? There was a rat I tell you. A rat.
Mr. Orange – Eaaaaaaggghhh. I’ve been shot!
KNOWLEDGE OF WORK – Excellent
Mr. White – Eel isn’t a rat. Let me tell you. We did this job once. He got shot. Long story short some sort of acid was dumped on him and he lived, even though we left him to die, he survived. He is too tough and too good at cracking safes to be a rat.
Mr. Pink- What happened to the rest of the people on that job? They are all in prison right? Everyone except you and Eel. Don’t you see. It’s a set up.
Mr. Orange- Guys..guys. I’m bleeding. I am bleeding real bad over here.
TEAMWORK – Average
Mr. White – You stop talking about Eel like that.
Mr. Pink – Think with your head man. The Justice League showed up out of nowhere. Superman, Batman, Green Lantern Man and Plastic Man. How did they know we were going to be there? Someone had to have tipped them off. It sure as hell wasn’t me.
Mr. White – It wasn’t me either!
Mr. Orange – Just drive me to a hospital. You can toss me out of the car as you drive by. That’s all I need. Just a ride to the hospital guys.
COMMUNICATION – Below Average
Mr. White – We wait here at the rendezvous for Joe and Woozy Winks. That was part of the plan.
Mr. Pink – You are still going by that plan after all this? And don’t get me started on that Woozy Winks guy. Him and Eel are always goofing around. He was part of the setup too. I guarantee it.
Mr. Orange – I’m starting to get dizzy. Really dizzy.
DEPENDABILITY – Below Average
Mr. White – You know. Eel does disappear a lot.
Mr. Pink – He shows up at the beginning, makes a bunch of stupid jokes, him and Woozy eat all the food…
Mr. White – Yeah, they are pretty greedy with the food. Remember when we got tacos last week…
Mr. Pink – I got maybe one taco. How many do you think Eel had? Seven? Eight?
Mr. White – It was a lot.
Mr. Pink – Then Plastic Man shows up. We all get thrown in the pen for a couple of months. Everyone except Eel.
Mr. Orange – …so I walk into the bathroom…and there are a bunch of cops there just talking and their dog starts barking..
Mr. White – You know the more I think about it, I have never actually seen him crack a safe. The job get’s busted by capes before we ever get to that part.
Mr. Pink – This is unrelated but he is one limber guy. He must be into yoga or something.
Mr. White – I tried yoga once. It was okay. Hey, how come we all got stupid color names and he got to go by Eel?
Mr. Pink – I think Joe ran out of colors. I ran into Mr. Fuchsia the other day. He says hi.
Mr. White – Mr. Fuchsia! How’s he doing?
Mr. Pink – Real good. Just got married.
Mr. White – Good for him.
Mr. Orange – I AM DYING OVER HERE!
I must be cursed or something. Every job I work get’s busted by the Justice League. It’s uncanny. How handsome is that Plastic Man though? Seriously. He is one charismatic devil. If I were Wonder Woman I would be all over him.
Plastic Man is hands down Timmy Wood’s favorite character. You can follow him on Twitter! (Timmy, not Plastic Man)