“We are the X-Men!” No, Seriously. UPDATED!

Last week we reported that Spider-Man has decided to ship off to SF to join the X-Men. Now everybody wants in. Literally. Everybody.

Here is the full roster of promo images for a yet-to-be-announced project or radical change in status quo (Marvel promises to shed more light during Chicago's C2E2). In addition to the previously announced Spider-Man and Psylocke, the new recruits include the usually villanous Magneto as well as Savage She-Hulk, Hope, Blade, Gambit, and Elektra. They seem to have paired well-known stallwarts of the X-Men franchise with the totally out there choices so as not to fry any brains all at once. Or maybe it's all the more schizophrenic this way.

 

Here's what X-Men editor Nick Lowe has to say about each of the characters at the center of this madcap membership drive:

"Something scary is brewing inside of Gambit. But is it good scary or bad scary?" [Popeyes' chicken, perhaps.]

"The scariest person in the Marvel Universe already has ties to Wolverine. Does Warren Worthington III have enough cash to hire Elektra to solve the X-Men's worst problems?" [Don't have a black card? Talk to the Hand.]

"What's Blade's beef with the X-Men?" [The cancellation of Captain Britain and the MI13?]

"Raised by Cable, baptized in fire by Bastion, and with the deaths of many mutants on her shoulders, is there any chance of Hope being normal?" [For her womb's sake, we hope so]

"The Savage She-Hulk is a total wild card. You may think she has nothing to do with the X-Men, but if history proves anything, Hulks are unpredictable." [Sure, yeah.]

"The X-Men's former archenemy, Magneto, has joined their inner circle. As consigliere to Cyclops, he may have the best chance ever to secure the future for mutantkind." [Is a 'Consigliere' the thing Tim Curry was in Home Alone II?]

"Pslocke is a psychic ninja who can cut your mind in half with her psi-sword seconds before she cuts your body in half with a katana. You do not want to mess with her. [psychic ninja pretty much sums it up, sure.]

"The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man is picking up a new neighborhood: San Francisco. Will the hero who gets no respect joins the species that gets no respect?" [To be fair, mutants aren't the only species to get no respect. Take sloths. Blue-footed boobies. Rodneys Dangerfield.]

 

So, what does all of this mean? I'd wager this is a big deal with the concept of Spider-Man making a major move and the decision to promote this…situation with a series of promo images, but then again Marvel's been doing a lot of that lately. What does the inclusion of the original X-Men logo imply? What's drawn all these diverse characters together, not as Avengers, but as X-Men?

Well, you'll notice that these pairings are all male/female. I'd like to suggest that this is Cyclops' perverse plan to cross-breed mutants with other forms of super-folk as a last ditch effort to bolster the mutant species. Get some vampire blood in there. Some gamma radiation. So, as the result of a very kinky lottery, the powers-that-be have tasked Spider-Man and Blade with impregnating some mutants and invited Elektra and the Savage She-Hulk to incubate some as well.

Then again, why would you include Gambit in the paternity drive? That might be reason enough to drop anchor and say, you know what, guys? Evolution stops here. No more.

Thoughts?

 

UPDATED (04/15/2010) – Marvel has released an additional promo image featuring Nate Grey (X-Man) and vampire Jubilee.

Comments

  1. If it is a cross breeding program then I fear what will come from a Magneto/She-Hulk baby.

    I was curious about this when it was just the Spidey teaser. But if this is going to be the new status quo, a random mini, or anything in general….I’m just not up for it.

    Even with Magneto and Spider-Man; a team with She-Hulk, Psylocke, Hope, Gambit, Cable and Elektra….Not something I am interested in. 

  2. Man, I hope it’s a crazy cross-breeding program because I would love to the crazy awkward first dates.

  3. @Prax: "So your the messiah…..How’s that going for you?"-Blade

  4. Paul Montgomery Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    "I find myself strangely attracted to you, Savage She-Hulk. And it’s not just the pull of your vibranium gauntlets." 

  5. Judging from Hope’s image I gotta say if she’s not Jean Grey then that is totally bizarre.

    She’s dressing up like her for god sakes! 

  6. You know what turned me off to this whole thing? Not Spider-Man being in the X-Men. Not She-Hulk or Blade or Elektra. But Gambit. Oh, how the mighty have fallen… (Although Elektra probably would’ve done it had Gambit not beaten her to the punch.)

    Okay, sidebar on something that’s been bothering me lately. Shouldn’t Spider-Man be considered a mutant? I just picked up that new first trade of the "Complete Clone Saga Epic," which I am now experiencing for the first time. And, since Spider-Man’s clone has the exact same powers as he does, doesn’t that mean that Spider-Man’s DNA/genetic makeup was fundamentally altered, therefore making him a mutant? I mean, I know he wasn’t born that way and it didn’t happen naturally, but he’s clearly not an ordinary human anymore.

    (And I think you could make a pretty good case for Blade, and vampires in general, being mutants. I know nothing about this SHe-Hulk character, so I won’t even go there. And as for Elektra, well, I guess you can never have enough ninjas…)

  7. "Bonjour, ma cherie… (soft gurgle as a sai impales throat)" -Gambit

  8. It’s about time non-mutants broke the glass ceiling at this reverse-discrimination country club! Xavier’s racial profiling has long been a black mark on this organization’s record.

    "Hulks are unpredictable," huh? All those Hulks, plural? Hulks are their own thing now? Loeb’s hooks are just in that character forever now, aren’t they? I’m never getting him back without "family" baggage.

  9. I thought Spider-Man was editorially banned from ever reproducing, so that puts a hole in the cross-breeding idea. Though I’d love to see the Amazing Spider-Man with him and Psylocke going out for a nice, intoxicating glass of grape soda…

  10. Didn’t Magneto destroy Manhattan? Oh wait, that’s Ultimate X-Men. I get these so confused, but…seriously…I am starting to feel confused with this and the Secret Avengers, and not in a good way.

    @lmiller31, I agreee, Electra and Gambit are close to deal breakers for me.  Along with Blade.  I guess I feel like this should be called, "Secret" X-Men!   

    In the end, I’ll just have to see.  Once on the page, the grouping could be interesting, it always comes down to writing and art.  What’s that saying, there aren’t any bad ideas, just bad writers…or something like that?

  11. @powerdad Well, Magneto did also destroy the 616 New York and then he was killed in Morrison’s run, but then Claremont wanted him back alive (the very next month!) so it was changed into the most needlessly confusing retcon ever: "It wasn’t Magneto! It was Xorn’s evil twin brother also named Xorn pretending to be Magneto pretending to be Xorn."

    @imiller31 This has been brought up a few times in the comics, and in an episode of Spider-Man and his Amazing friends. It all essentially boils down to Peter going "Uhh… I’m not a mutant, I was mutated after birth. So I’ll be going now…" 

  12. These announcements are odd — but certainly intriguing. I wonder if this could be Remender’s rumored X-book. Maybe it’s something like an X-men Team-up book? A variation on the old Marvel Team-up series with Spider-man? Seems like something a writer could have a lot of fun with, similar to DC’s Brave and the Bold series.

    Although, admittedly, Paul’s cross-breeding concept is the real winner here. Brilliant.

  13. I just don’t know about this at all. I’ll give it a shot because it’s the X-Men and I was brainwashed during my early childhood in the eighties to buy anything with an X on the cover. I’ve tried therapy, hypno-therpy, electro shock, but it never works. 

    One other thing, I thought that any character that was in an X-book was free pickings for 20th Centruy Fox to use in a  movie. The same with Spider-Man characters and Fox Studios. With all the cross breeding, who gets to make a movie out of all this nonsense? 

  14. Apparently Psylocke and Elektra go to the same ninja costumers.

     

    Not that I’m complaining!

  15. Wait were the comments in brackets Lowe’s or Paul’s? And who’s doing the art on these promo pieces? And who is the Savage She-Hulk?

  16. Spider Man in SF?  I mean, cool, but for SOME REASON I feel like that might not stick.  Also, isn’t this really more like "The West Coast Avengers?"  I mean, over half the team is non-mutant and they’re in California.  It makes sense.

  17. As strange as this may seem, I’m down with seeing most of these characters in the x-men…except for spiderman. I haven’t read a Spidey book in YEARS as the character is ruined for me. I just hope this doesn’t turn into some new super mega crossover special world changing event. can’t we get some self contained stories for a while?

  18. Conspiracy theories: Either Hope’s mutant power is to restart the Xgene "I Want More Mutants" or in 2nd coming some mutants are going to be killed off and these people are fill ins ala when Spiderman, Grey Hulk, Ghost Rider, & Wolverine were the Fantastic 4

  19. Everybody wanna be mutant but don’t nobody wanna be a mutant – Paul Mooney

  20. Now can we cancel all the X-books (except X-Factor), exile Matt Fraction to Utopia or Alcatraz or whatever and pray until the second coming (like that?) of Mr. Whedon saves us all from the desperate stupidity that has become the X-franchise.

  21. If this were a breeding program, wouldn’t Cyke call dibs on Hope?It’s always been his mantra – “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love her look-alike.”. And since that was the last time we got an X-baby, is that such a bad idea?

  22. @kmob181 I’m with you…let’s make it happen.

  23. For the first time is years i will read the X-men.

    Gimmick? Successful!

  24. I hope this is just an effort to bring the X-Men into the heroic fold (which was also sort of the initial intent behind Astonishing).  In the Heroic Age, X-Men need to be heroes as well.  Plus I dislike the mutants having their own little corner of Earth as though they’re a separate universe.

  25. I dig on the Savage She-Hulk and the alternate world she comes from.

    Depends on the writer whether or not I give this series a try.

  26. UGH … Amazing Spider-Man has been on a roll lately. Why ruin a good thing? If it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it!

  27. Maybe old tried and true Marvelites don’t quite fancy all this new type stuff, but an old DC nut like me loves it.  All these previews may make me pick up some Marvel books.  I read Civil War way back when in the hope that it would lead me into the world of Marvel nice and easy but it just made everything so convaluted. I picked up 2 Marvel books and dropped them both within a year. This Heroic Age is going to make many new Marvel readers, I think.

  28. This campaign makes me
    less interested in X titles post-second coming.

  29. Drop shadows make things look floaty and stuff.

  30. My interest level = zero.  I’m glad there’s some folks who are intrigued by this, but it feels like a desperate attempt to sell more X-books.  Of course, that’s what Marvel is in business to do… 🙂

  31. Well Blade ans Savage She-Hul are technicaly Mutants

  32. No Deadpool? I’m SHOCKED!

  33. wow..that sucks.  Spiderman in the X-Men ?? talk about Jumping the Shark..

  34. OH OH OH! Spidey getting some red head lovin’ from Hope! C’mon! Wait… how old is she? 18? 22?

  35. clearly this is a big announcement about the next story arc of x-men forever

  36. I’ll never understand all the Gambit hate out there. 

  37. Paul Montgomery Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Updated with a fifth promo image featuring Nate Grey and a vamped out Jubilee.

  38. wait… BLBLADE? WHERE THE $@%& has he been hiding all this time? O_o… They shoulda left him in the realm of obscurity.

  39. @Mangaman-He’s been in England with Capt. Brit and MI:13

  40. @drakedangerz: … (didn’t read it).

    @PaulMontgomery: GOOD! I’ve been missing Jubilee since New Warriors and to be honest she’s had quite a character revision. I CAN’T WAIT to see her in this. She’s so desperate to be part of the family again that it seems absolutely plausible that she’d resort to any means of belonging with the mutants again.

  41. I’m surprised that no one else has said this yet but…

    Vamped out Jubilee? What the hell!?

  42. New mini! Vampire Jubilee vs FrankenCastle vs … uhmmm….

    Who can we wrap up like a mummy and bring back from the dead? 

    Iknow!

    vs The Mummy Wasp!

  43. What the fuck is Vampire Jubilee and can Blade kill her within the first issue?

  44. I still cannot believe that they brought Nate Grey back.  You need like a three-dimensional timeline to keep track of his continuity.

  45. please don’t be Uncanny, please don’t be Uncanny

  46. Seriously they made one of my all time hated characters with Jubilee….and made her worst!

    How is that scientifically possible!? 

  47. Yeah, did I miss some Jubilee vampire tale somewhere along the way? Are they just trying to pick up on the enduring success of vampire Looker from the Outsiders, because that really worked out well.

  48. Is it weird that I find Savage She-Hulk attractive? I’ve also always had a thing for regular She-Hulk. Do I have a fictional-giant-green-woman fetish? If so, where does it stem from? Do I need some serious therapy? Who am I talking to right now?

    Anyfart, I’m also confused by Vampire Jubilee. I don’t read much Marvel but I do read Weapon X and I’m pretty sure she just appeared in #10 as her regular irritating self. Can anyone clear this up? And if so, can you also clear up my She-Hulk problem?

  49. Oh, that’s Nate Gray? Why is he shirtless? AND shoeless? I was seriously alright with the weird non-x-men x-men thing until Vampire Jubiliee and oddly dressed X-man. ????

  50. So this series is called:

    X-MEN

    and the team will be Victor Gischler (booo!!!) and Paco Medina (yay!!)

    If anyone didn’t know, it revolves around an alternate universe where vampires reign supreme. I think….cause not only is Jubliee a vampire but…EVERYONE IS A VAMPIRE!!!!

    Is there any other comic I wanna burn right now in hatred then this?

    http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=25826

  51. Which I’m going to assume why the majority of the team is non-mutants. It’ll be vampire mutants vs superheroes.

    Sans Magneto and Hope…..sorta like Marvel Zombies. Since Magneto was also one of the few remaining normal people left. 

  52. I think it’s a big misdirection. It’s like "I am Spartacus!". If everyone says they are an X-Man, then nobody will know who really is one and who is just saying they are.