WANT! – 05/25/2010

Sometimes we walk around the iFanboy brownstone thinking, This is way too easy. It should be harder to get from the common area to the rumpus room. If we're ever gonna get on Hoarders, we're gonna need more stuff. And that's why we subscribe to so many catalogs and root through the neighbors' trash. We have lofty aspirations though. Like more expensive stuff. Charles Dickens' dad was in debtors prison. Why not us?

So here's some expensive stuff we like.


You may recognize this distracting paperweight from the desk of Pepper Potts. It's called a Swinging Sticks Kinetic Energy Sculpture, and it's not only the perfect way to bring a little Iron Man 2 into your office; it's also an ideal method for confounding business rivals, clients, and janitorial staff at your work. Because you want to get all Sun Tzu up in their shit, right? Keep 'em guessing and stupify 'em into submission. This is what Ayn Rand's soul looks like. Does it run on perpetual motion? Is it, like the famed crystal skulls, an artifact from another world? Well, to demystify it a little bit, we'll say that it runs on 4 AA batteries. You don't have to tell anybody that though, because this cold, calculating whatchamawhoozit runs silent as it swings about, onward toward the singularity. When you call in sick, it's gonna be there guarding your paperclips while you're getting your Price is Right on. Yeah. It's got you. $239.99 (Currently out of stock)


Right, so this is a wampa ice creature rug. This, you're gonna want to keep in the cedar closet most of the time but then you bust it out in front of the hearth when you have that special somebody over. Not like your sister or whatever after she's been kidnapped by gangsters, but like Camille from the Sev. Yeah.

And she's gonna be all, "_______, is that authentic, cuz–"

And you just go, "Naw, girl, that's imitation Wampa, but you know it's all good."

And she'll be like, "You sure do come by the Sev a lot. And you always hit up my line."

And you pop open the black cherry wishniak and go, "Yeah, cuz I gotta get my lottery tickets. You know. One of these days I'm gonna get lucky."

So she gets that look and she goes, "Maybe today's the day…"

And you quick flip on the TV for the numbers, but Jeopardy's already started. And you're like, "Maaaaaaan." 100 bucks.


Listen. We've all had those days when you roll out of bed and walk down the hall and there's a Fred Savage all layed out on your couch, sick and grouchy and all. So you pop in your glass eye and pull out the William Goldman and you read that story. Wouldn't it be cool to act out some of the radder scenes like the fight with Inigo on the cliffs of insanity? Stab a pillow and call it an R.O.U.S? Now you've got the chance. This here image–from an email I received not fifteen minutes ago–is a replica of the original Princess Bride Dread Pirate Roberts sword. 300 bucks. All the details are on the flier there. Do it.

You know, it's actually pretty inconceivable I got through this whole write-up without saying…aw, damnit.


  1. OMG, that sword!

  2. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    oooh, just noticed they make Inigo’s sword too. I’m more of an Inigo guy. 

  3. I would totally stab anything and everything with that sword!!!!

  4. I’d rather have Inigo’s too.

    Sometimes I think it’s a good thing that I’m not a millionaire. My manor would be filled to capacity with nerd junk. And then I think how cool it would be if I were a millionaire and could afford to fill my manor with nerd junk.

  5. Alright, I’ll be the first to ask… Does that Wampa rug come with the girl? Arr Oh Eff El.

  6. If only that sword had been available last fall.  My Halloween costume would have sucked less.

  7. I wonder what the price of the kinetic statue was before Iron Man 2 came out?

  8. lol. $299

  9. I would rather get Inigo Montoya’s sword. That one was tits.

  10. These WANT posts prove to me that most of us are more like Nic Cage than we’d like to admit.  

  11. i’m not trying to be rude but Really? You want pay for that stuff?

  12. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    No, I don’t "want pay" for this stuff. It’s not a shopping list. It’s an "Oh, that’s kinda neat" list. 

  13. @Paul Who isn’t more of an Inigo guy?

  14. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    The six-fingered man. 

  15. That Kinetic Energy…..thingy is about $250!? Jeez….

  16. The Taun taun sleeping bag is way cooler than the wampa rug…


  17. "This is what Ayn Rand’s soul looks like."

    You are the winner, sir. Forever.