Top 5: Superheroes on Late Night TV

The cape-and-cowl set are just like any other celebrities: occasionally, they need to do some publicity to raise their public profile. It's hard to plug something like crime-fighting, but it happens more often than you'd think. To wit:

 

 

5. Jay Leno saves Spider-Man's life ("One Night Only," 2002)

Like many things related to Jay Leno, this isn't really playing fair. Spidey didn't actually go on Leno's show; he appeared in a car commercial with him in this backup story because Jay wanted it… and what Jay wants, he gets. Besides, you know how Spider-Man is always doing car commercials. Anyway, naturally they are attacked by ninjas, which are fought off by Jay Leno, after Jay saves Spidey from a hail of bullets by whisking him away on his badass chopper as Spidey shrieks like a newborn. All the while, Spidey begs to be on Jay Leno's great show everyone loves. I think Jay Leno may be the Sentry's secret identity. Writer Ron Zimmerman really captures Leno's voice; let us leave it at that.

 

 

4. Spider-Man drops in on Johnny Carson (Amazing Spider-Man #99, 1971)

After a chance meeting, Johnny begs Spider-Man to do an unannounced cameo on his show; Spidey only agrees to do it in exchange for cold, hard cash. Poor Carson's so excited, he doesn't even let Ed get through "Heeere's Johnny!" before rushing out and introducing the wall-crawler. How is his enthusiasm repaid? Spidey was invited on to quip and do his shtick, but the minute he gets out there he starts droning on about his newest pet cause. This prison reform lecture goes on for a good five more panels before the po-po come in and chase him off out of sheer boredom.

 

3. The Avengers kill on Letterman (Avengers #239, 1984)

Poor Wonder Man's acting career isn't taking off, so his agent gets him booked on Letterman. One catch: his agent promised the booker all the other Avengers would be there, too. Another catch: when you do a commercial on national television announcing that the Avengers are going to be at 30 Rock that night, bad guys show up at 30 Rock that night. Luckily, in this case, the bad guy in question is the kind of wannabe boob who waits in line for a ticket to get in and plans the whole fight as a way to get on TV. The Avengers beat his killer robots, but it's Dave himself who knocks out the chump. Sidebar: the Black Panther in this issue is way too amiable about abandoning his nation to do a Letterman guest shot. Sidebar sidebar: no, I don't know what the hell the Beast is wearing either. Or doing, for that matter. Christ, Henry, just sit in a chair for once, would you please?

 

 

2.The Joker kills Letterman (The Dark Knight Returns, 1986ish)

Is there any comics connoisseur who doesn't know this one? The modern era of comics as we know them was ushered in when a "cured" Joker got booked on the "David Endocrine" program (not even as the lead guest!) and ended his appearance by promptly gassing the entire studio to death. This book features killer dolls, a bloated prostitute Catwoman, and a shark-toothed semi-nude killer with swastikas on her nipples, but as a twelve year old the only thing that deeply disturbed me was the Joker murdering Dave.

 

1. Live from New York, it's Spider-Man fighting a guy! (Marvel Team-Up #74, 1978)

Man, Spider-Man is a whore for late night, isn't he?

Not as iconic as Dark Knight Returns, this one nevertheless gets the #1 spot for a crucial reason: because I like it more. Marvel Team-Up #74, featuring Spider-Man and the Not Ready For Primetime Players, is also on the list of Top 5 Favorite Things I Own. I have not made a secret of this. Call it rater's bias. It's a fair cop.

Is this an insane comic, in which Spider-Man and John Belushi fight the Silver Samurai on live TV as if it's a sketch to avoid "panicking the audience"? Yes it is. Was it a shock to learn that the artist had never seen SNL or its cast when he drew the book? Absolutely not. Does the idea of SNL hosted by Stan Lee with musical guest Rick Jones make me want to start a Facebook petition? You're goddamn right it does. We need to make this happen, people.