Top 5: Phil Coulson Urban Legends, Confirmed or Debunked

It’s impossible to demystify Agent Phil Coulson completely, but today we’re going to do our part in debunking a few myths and cyber legends that have cropped up repeatedly in the past four years.

As with yesterday’s post, please refrain from referencing any events from Marvel’s The Avengers, as it has yet to be released in North America. NO SPOILERS.¬†Thank you.

5. “Phil Coulson is The Watcher.”

Myth. While a constant observer of monumental occurrences, Phil Coulson is, primarily, a man of action. Also, Fox probably has the film rights.

4. “No One’s Actually On the Other End of that Blue-tooth Call.”

Myth. Though many have speculated Coulson’s blue-tooth calls are one-sided conversations with either a deceased wife named as Janine Samuels (or Bernice Samuels in some posts) or an imaginary secretary (of either name), it is unlikely Coulson would have attained a position of such stature within S.H.I.E.L.D. with an undiagnosed disorder of this degree. It is also unlikely that Coulson would be contacting an actual ghost, as he has never been seen with incense. A Reddit user posting as “SilllyRabbit420” has posited that the calls are routed through sophisticated frequencies to Agent Dale Cooper in Washington state, circa 1989. The Reddit account has since disappeared.

 

3. “When Combined with Pop Rocks, Phil Coulson¬†Can Induce a Bowel-Slurrying Explosion.”

Myth. No Pop Rocks necessary.

 

2. “Phil Coulson and FBI Agent Mike Casper (The West Wing) Are the Same Person”

As with the existence of the Papoose Lake alien cadavers in the bullion depository in Fort Knox…it’s possible. Mike Casper served as White House liaison on a number of occasions throughout the Bartlet administration. Deputy Communications Director Sam Seaborn once inferred that Casper was threatening Toby Ziegler, but this was not the case. Sam was simply addled and uncharacteristically hostile in the wake of his father’s decades-long marital affair coming to light. All this to say, there is no reason Mike Casper couldn’t have transitioned to S.H.I.E.L.D. with the alias Phil Coulson in the years following the kidnapping of Zoe Bartlet and the stuff that may or may not have happened in that episode where they did a documentary on C.J. in the post-Sorkin era, because does that stuff even count? Same person.

1. “Phil Coulson Was Originally Set to Be Played by Veteran Actor Richard Dreyfuss”

False. That’s silly. Though Tom Selleck might’ve been up for the part of Nick Fury. Not really.

“I’m Richard Dreyfuss!”

Comments

  1. some one has a man crush.

  2. There’s another reason that Number 4 is a myth: it would suggest that Agent Coulson is a depressing character, whereas he represents pure joy and rainbows and all that jazz.

  3. Now I really want Phil Coulson to be the new “Chuck Norris Facts” guy.

  4. Phil Coulson as The Watcher?….I totally can see that.

  5. I remember those episodes of West Wing. When I rewatched them recently I was thinking, “wouldn’t it be awesome if he really was representing S.H.I.E.L.D.?” But if that were true, Jeb Bartlett wouldn’t have had to step aside from the presidency – he’d just call Nick Fury and be hangin’ with Zoe 5 minutes later. Actually, she wouldn’t have gotten kidnapped in the first place; she’d have been dosed with roophie counter-agents prior to any date with Jean-Claude, and her handlers would have never gotten caught by surprise.

  6. My personal theory:

    Phil Coulson is… A SKRULL!

  7. Reading Avengers hype after watching the movie…did I mention I’ve seen it? He he:)

  8. Additional Fact: Phil Coulson is the only one who could put Baby in the corner (since they’re married ‘n’ all) but he never would, because he’s such a thoroughly nice chap.