Just in time for New Year's Eve…
I have two vices that I happily and, somewhat blindly, spend a fair chunk of change on weekly: comics and the proper tools needed to become imbibed. I love the feeling of picking up a large stack of new comics on Wednesdays, and I also thoroughly enjoy congregating with my friends at the bar for an evening of consuming ales and spirits. Then it had me thinking, which comic characters appreciate a finely crafted drink as much as I do?
Listed below are comics most notorious consumers of alcohol and, if given the opportunity, would make a great drinking pal.
10. Heath Huston
This rugged Texan space-cowboy would be a blast to drink with. Already haven proven himself to be a good drinking buddy as seen on the comics of Fear Agent with Annie, his onboard A.I. unit, or in issue #16, "Twelve Steps in One", he takes down a group of money-hungry aliens that are using religion for profit and exploitation all the while extremely drunk.
9. Aaron Stack
A robot that loves beer could, and should, only be scribed by consummate 2-in-1 writer/drinker Warren Ellis, who appropriated this classic Marvel character to have an unending love for cold beer. The only downside I could find to drinking with this 'bot would be his ability to, without fail, drink you under the table.
8. John Constantine
Known for his charm, skills in the occult and ability to put those around him in danger, this surly Brit has been seen having a pint (sometimes of whiskey) at the pub time and time again. The only downside to drinking with this foul-mouth magician is the trouble he always finds when inebriated.
7. House of Mystery patrons
There is a bar that allows your to pay for drinks with stories, and the patrons that have been so lucky to have found the house would make excellent drinking partners. While the employed prisoners of the pub might be on the bitter side of things, the patrons as a whole would be an entertaining group to consume ales with.
6. Spider Jerusalem
Once again, Warren Ellis makes the list with his creation of comic's favorite journalist and addict. Not only is he a vulgar chain smoker, he is a heavy drinker and drug user. With a smoke clenched between his teeth, a bottle of whiskey in hand and what ever drugs he can pump into his body, this wild-card of a drinking pal would either open your eyes to a sleuth of political corruptness or send you on the wildest trip of your life.
5. Captain Archibald Haddock
There's nothing better then a salty ol' captain sailing the seven seas with a bottle of whiskey in hand. While a bit of a curmudgeon, Haddock would make a great drinking partner with his treasure trove of stories accounting his adventures and probably knows of some eccentric taverns around the globe. Not to mention Tin Tin's dog, Snowy, would be in close tow to lick-up any spilled whiskey.
4. Tony Stark
He is Iron Man, a billionaire playboy, a member of the Avengers and an alcoholic. Having faced his demons in the bottle, this scotch loving high-roller would offer a lush experience. You'd be drinking top-shelf spirits, surrounded by models and societies elite and there's a good chance he'd pick-up the tab. The negative effects would be his arrogance and ability to hog the spot light (and women).
3. Logan
When he's not fighting to protect the mutants from extinction, Logan (aka Wolverine) is most likely drinking his weight in beer – then doing it again. A plus to drinking with this brooding Canadian would be the comfort knowing you're protected in any bar fights that might erupt – Logan loves a challenge, especially if he can barely see straight.
2. Bacchus
Who would be more fun to drink with than the god of wine and revelry. He might be old and ugly, but the man (I mean god) still knows how to have a good time. Need I mention again that he is the god of wine and revelry?!?!
1. Jesse Custer & Cassidy
It would be impossible to end this list with anyone other than comics two biggest bad a$$es. A preacher with the voice of God and an Irish vampire – and both are fueled by whiskey. While they might not be the best drinking partners, for you're sure to find a fight, they would certainly show you the craziest night of your life.
Austin Hartman can be found skulking the bars and comics shops of New York City. He wants everyone to know he misses Ryan deeply and passionately in a way that cannot be explained by science. He's also convinced that he's done a shot with at least one person on this list, but the memory is fuzzy.
Please obey the law and only drink if you are of age. Drink responsibly and never drink and drive.
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I’d drink with Hawkman. He’ll tell me what’s wrong.
“Dude.. My continuity.”
I don’t think I’d want to drink with Heath, too depressing, plus shit usually goes bad quickly around him.
“The negative effects would be his arrogance and ability to hog the spot light (and women).”
Also, you would enabling an alcoholic. That is a bad thing.
Conan…definitely Conan…
I would swap out Capatain Archibald with Andy Capp.
Drinking is his day job.
I would also propose Conor
His best shows are the drunken ones.
No Jessica Jones? I hear she can throw a few back.
Also, Cerebus is a pretty entertaining drunk. (He spends a whole trade’s worth of his series trapped in a bar, after all.)
No Warriors Three?
No way am I drinking with Tony Stark. He would totally crush everyone’s ability to make moves on any lady.
I’d have to go with Hercules. That guy knows how to party.
Jesse and Cassidy. Hands down.
I would love to share some suds with Supes. I bet that he is a fun drunk.
Not the one from Superman III though, that guy was a dick.
Bender? No bender?
I would like sitting in a Yancy St. bar with The Thing and throwing a few back.
Peter Parker. Could beat him in any drinking contest easily. Unfortunately he’s always broke so I’d have to buy. And I’d make no money by winning…’cuz he’s broke. Damn.
Guy Gardner anyone . . . opened own bar on OA
Cassidy can not only drink you under the table, the experience of drinking with him is enough to dedouchify a wanky Lestat wannabe 🙂
I was sure Booster Gold and Blue Beetle were going to make the list.
most of this list is made up of people who drink to forget, that is alcoholics and other assorted self-harmers. Surely given the choice you’d prefer not to go drinking with them; unless existential soul searching, nihilsm and depression are your prerequisits for a good night out.
…also what about Modesty Blaise and Willie Garvin…?
The Thing
Tony Stark hasn’t had a drink in years. I figure he’d be a bit judgemental about over-indulging. Jessica Jones from Alias would be another pick for me.
Captain Haddock would be hilarious!
You and the Captain, makin’ it happen!
No Rocket Racoon?
Conan the freaking Barbarian, would be an amazing drinking bud.
I would never drink with Constantine, I’m way to fond of my life.
“Yes Jubilee. Mike’s does taste just like regular lemonade.” I am SO going to HELL.
John Fucking Lynch.Go read Gen13:London, New York, Hell. Motherfucker ordered an Old Speckled Hen. Awesome.
Come to think, those are Ellis-scribed stories. Huh.
Ninjette, with commentary by the Caged Demonwolf.
Simon Williams and Hank McCoy, circa 1980.
I’d like to trade pints with Jenny Sparks from The Authority and Elijah Snow from Planetary. 200 years worth of great bar stories between the two of them and the beer would never get warm.
Seriously, the guys I would sit down with and tell the barkeeper “Give em anything they want, and keep em coming” are Steve Rogers and Nick Fury.
Jack Chick
@JRScherer, I thought our bouncing baby-blue beastie was a teetotaler, eschewing Dionysian dipsomania lest it impar his alliteration and acrobatic abilities.
Williams, on the other hand, is a drunk. Probably a coke fiend too.
Also, do ALL of Ellis’s creations drink?
@GloriousGodfrey I agree Booster Gold and Blue Beetle (Ted, obviously..) would be a guaranteed night of fun!
Also, Pete Wisdom anyone?
I’d drink with Superman, milk of course…..
hell yeah Haddock (Y)
@Heroville
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v281/Mog_Elffoe/Comics/WonderManBeast.jpg
I’d buy Deena Pilgrim a drink.
Duffman!
Nick Fury. He would tell war stories and eventually someone would ask about the “eyepatch”. How you lose the eye?
@Thechangingman I’d buy Deena a drink too!
No Hercules? No Starfox? No She-Hulk? for shame! LOL Still, fun list!
Great list! I’d like to add Thor in there as well. Who wouldn’t want to toss back a glass of mead with Thor.