I have always been "that" friend – the one people perpetually come to for advice, call crying, and consult when their boy/girlfriend is being a jerk. I've never had a problem in this role, and over the years I have slowly but surely developed an arsenal of common sense for most situations. The fact that I have always been immersed in the subculture of geekery gives me a slightly unique view on the general trials and tribulations of sex and relationships, and I like to be relatable on that level. Thus, my brain gave birth to the love child of advice that is Talk Nerdy to Me. It used to be hosted on battlemouth.com, but now it is calling iFanboy home, and it wants to be quite comfortable here. I will answer all of your geeky relationship or sex questions, no holds barred. If you have anything to ask me, email me at molly@ifanboy.com
And now, without further ado, the first installment of Talk Nerdy to Me!
What is the correct etiquette for online interaction with a con hook-up, post con? Socially awkward nerds everywhere demand to know. (From Anonymous)
Considering you hooked up at a convention (and convention hook ups happen more often than anyone cares to admit, I think), there is a good chance you do not live in the same city. I suppose I would have to have a little bit more information about the situation – exactly how did you hook up? Did you have a true connection or were you just going off of desperate nerdy hormones?
Hypothetically, let's make a situation here, one that I think is the most common: You are at a convention after party, hosted by an awesome website (like iFanboy!), and there are probably either super cheap drinks or an open bar. You find yourself very intoxicated and dancing with someone else who is also wearing a lanyard from the convention; the more progressively drunk you become the more liquid courage you stock up on, and somehow you end up back at your hotel room with this person. You have a great night and take a few minutes to remember their name in the morning (perhaps glancing at aforementioned lanyard and badge?), and then you both dress and go your separate ways to do whatever you are at the con to do. You may pass them on the con floor: at a panel, or they are working a booth you stop at for free swag.
Within this situation, it is YOUR decision whether or not you want to make it awkward. It is my opinion that if you found the attraction to hook up with this person in the first place, then there at least has to be a little bit of chemistry there. So, if you don't have their phone number/twitter/email yet, seek them out and acquire it. You don't need to be suddenly professing your undying love for them, but where is the harm in testing the water to see if you actually click intellectually as well?
As a geek, I'm really shy, but really smart and interesting… My interests don't follow the typical "go to the bar/club/whatever to meet a girl", and honestly I probably wouldn't want to meet a girl there anyway. Where can I go to meet a smart, cute, geeky girl without having to succumb to internet dating or trolling bars? (From Hans)
First of all, I would say don't knock internet dating until you try it. There is something to be said by connecting with someone on a mental or intellectual level intellectually. It generally erases some of the awkwardness of the initial small talk that comes along with first dates. Websites like okcupid.com are crawling with geeks. However, if that really isn't your scene, there are a few places that nerds seem to congregate. These may seem like obvious answers, but you also need to put some sort of effort into this: you cannot go to any of these locations and lurk in the corner watching a girl but not willing to approach her. It is terrifying to go say hello to someone, but if you start out by complimenting her iFanboy pin on her book bag, you'll immediately have some common ground.
Comic Book Shops
You're reading iFanboy, so you obviously like comics. There are LOTS of women in comic shops these days, no matter what anyone says. My comic shop has two women working there, and the environment is very mellow and accessible. Spend some time at a local shop (usually girls who are not hardcore fans (yet) seem to congregate at shops that also have toys and more "pop culture" things); read a trade and see what the girl you have your eye on is browsing. Ask her a casual question like "what are you reading now?" or "who is your favourite X-Men?" so she is not intimidated by you trying to flex your geek muscles at her. Most likely, this will, hopefully, start a conversation flowing naturally.
Conventions
Conventions are awesome for meeting people because there is the knowledge that you are all there for a common thing. People usually go TO conventions to meet people as well as get some sweet art and watch the wildlife (cosplayers), so talking to someone in line for a panel or who is looking at the same toy as you at a booth is really acceptable. The after parties are also a useful tool for networking and meeting people, as usually alcohol is involved and acts as a social lubricant.
The Apple Store
This may sound totally absurd, but usually people who are on Macs tend to be a bit more tech savvy and on top of things than the normal consumer. Pair that with usually ridiculous long waiting times for the genius bar and you have a lot of loitering around a store with a lot of fellow geeks. The last time I was at the Apple Store (to see if I could whine my way into a new iPhone screen) I was downloading iFanboy podcasts onto all of the display iPads, and a guy who was waiting around just like I was engaged me in a pretty entertaining discussion about comic books.
There are plenty of other places where geeks congregate, but those are the top three that I have noticed. It also helps if you also make YOURSELF approachable: look around with interest, don't be texting the whole time, wear a shirt that says something about who you are and what you are into. There may be people there who also just want to meet people.
How should I go about convincing my boyfriend to do a kinky superhero roleplaying night in the hay? (From Anonymous)
I would think any man who would not be into this may have some issues! I am definitely into cosplay in the bedroom – it keeps things interesting and for geeks like us it probably fulfills a lot of latent fetishes we have about certain characters (I certainly feel that Wolverine may or may not have helped me through puberty). The best way to go about this, I think, is to slowly breach the subject in a non sexual situation – like over lunch. If he seems uncomfortable at first, maybe suggest something a little more "tame" and not so geeky – even just wearing a french maid's outfit or pretending to be strangers or something of the sort. If you can get into roleplaying that way, it will be a natural progression to channeling your favourite superheroes and creating your own real life fanfiction.
A decent amount of you e-mailed me to ask how to get your lady into comics. I am not ignoring your questions, but this requires such a huge answer that I am going to save the response for an entire stand alone article.
Talk Nerdy to Me will be on iFanboy every last Tuesday of every other month! Send me your geeky relationship/sex questions, and I will do my best to answer them: molly@ifanboy.com
Molly McIsaac points her camera at everything and enjoys fictional characters with green hair. You can stalk her to your heart's content on Twitter.
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Did I die and wake up in Heaven? Great article, Molly.
My good lady isn’t a fan of comic books as such (though likes Y The Last Man) – if I pretend to be Yorick, I’m sure I can convince her to be Emma Frost.
"Enjoys fictional characters with green hair…" You must have done the Abigail Brand cosplay, right?
My girlfriend sometimes puts on my foam rubber Hulk hands on and punches me upside the head while we’re "doing it". It’s not a kink though, it just buys her an extra 2 minutes.
As a married, old (read: experienced) guy, I can assure you that if my wife asked me to "dress up" I would jump at the chance. Not to generalize, but I would wager that most men would be willing to wear just about anything you ask him to (regardless of where/when you ask him) if you convinced him it would "excite" you.
When I was in my prime (I think it ended in January), I would have run out of my brother’s wedding if my wife mentioned that she wanted to play a "bedroom game" at that moment.
This is rather interesting.
Yeah, the answer to the last question has got to be "Just ask" or "Hand him the Skeletor/Pikachu/Sinestro/Gatchaman/Dalek/Thor/Indiana Jones/Jawa/Emma Frost costume." He might not make the Pikachu noise in full character, but any guy who’s unwilling to put on a costume when that’s clearly your thing, is either a nun or in a vegetative state.
Molly, I think I have a raging girl-crush on you. Just sayin’…..
@jesseg T.M.I. bro…. T.M.I.
my question to you Molly is does your advice about dressing up work both ways? If so, where can I get my fiancée an Emma Frost costume?!?
How do I make them love me?
And if that’s not possible……
How do I not get caught by the authorities after i’ve put her in the well?
@mikegraham~ Emma Frost wears a costume? Huh, I never noticed… 🙂
I dont think I am adult enough to say anything here yet….
If that girl in the photos across the heading of this article is the columnist, I think it’s appropriate, nay needs to be asked. Why are sex advice columnist always morbidly obese comic book fans? For shame!
Wow, I can’t imagine these scenarios. I am just glad my wife tolerates me reading/buying comics. The rare times she has read anything (Pride of Baghdad, A Contract With God, Watchmen, Year One) I consider icing on the cake.
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENZ!!?!?! you let girls into teh clubhouse and they make it all ‘Sex and the City’ talking about feelings and relationships and drinks with umbrellas on em.
I always found the library to be a good place to meet fellow geeks, of both genders. Some of them (mine) even have an awesome comic book section.
I don’t know why i find this mildly offensive… Maybe its because I am not exactly interested in dating a "Nerd" and don’t understand why people would want to date someone who is just like them? Maybe its because I think everyone has a geeky side and don’t understand what kind of questions should be asked? Maybe i don’t like being labeled a "Nerd" just because I like comics? Maybe it’s too Hetero-centric? If someone likes me it better be cause they think I am awesome not just because of the comics/music/books or movies I like. Having relationships whether romantic or not, are most beneficial when that person is different from you but relatable on the friendship level. They can teach you something new. Diversify your Bonds!!! For all you shy guys out there its kinda cute but eventually you have to stop being shy, I shouldn’t talk though because i act ridiculously shy when i crush on someone.
Good advice, I think I actually learned something today. Thanks!
Holy crap Molly
did. not. expect. that. pic. at all.
I may never go on ifanboy at work again XD. (didn’t need those "hey lookin’ at porn?" comments from my coworkers).
i’m married and stuff, and not very socially awkward, but i think this is the coolest thing to do and i wish i had tought of it sooner.
Don’t Ralph and FHM have a column that’s very similar to this?
Something to aspire to
Can love work long term if I’m into DC and she’s into Marvel?
my last girlfriend was into manga and things ended violently.
@GLNancy
I think we’re kind of in agreement.
I don’t really see the point of these types of columns when the answer to every question seems to be a variation of:
1. Be confident.
2. Try something new.
3. Take care of yourself.
Granted, this column is seemingly better than the crap in lad mags (got to read something at the repair shop, right?) so I still feel it has the iFanboy stamp of high quality. I just hope it’s a biweekly or monthly thing and not all of Molly’s output.
@LadyTartan – Aw shucks; I’m blushing!
@kymsoke – The photographs are indeed me, before I went all Mary Jane Watson haired.
@GLNancy – I tried to be ambigous about sexes, as I am a very open minded lady. Sorry if it came off as hetero-centric >.<
@Mangaman – I’m sorry! I think I’m SFW! I just don’t like pants!
@edward – I know Olivia Munn answers questions like this on Aots. I think I am much more witty than her. And humble!
@NawidA – It is going to be an every other month thing <3
Dear Ms. Molly,
I don’t like girls that wear glasses to resemble being dorky. It’s hokey and judgemental.
You, milady, are the exemption to that dislike.
Nathan
@GLnancy and Nawid. It’s easy to say that from your perspectives, but difficult for some to enact. Some people are naturally the way that Molly described. Many of these people are socially awkward and insecure. There’s not a switch that you can turn ‘on or off’. Many people just aren’t geared that way.
I decided this is not really about comics.
Molly has quickly with this one article become my favorite writer on Ifanboy now. Sorry Jimski and Paul.
And are people really complaining about this being like FHM or it "not being about comics" I mean really. Come on guys. Calm down and have a little fun.
Dude, I didn’t complain. I made an observation that this column is lifestyle oriented. I made no value judgement.
Thank you.
I dunno, I have no problem with nerd-lifestyle columns appearing on iFanboy. I mean, this is about fanboy culture as much as it is about comics. For all the talking/podcasts/columns about GI Joe movies and cartoons, Transformers, Heroes and other properties like those…those things aren’t comics, either.
Besides that, I think this is a very good article.
Sidenote, though: But I don’t really have a problem with expressions of "value judgments", either, as long as they’re thoughtful and not nasty. I’d prefer expressions of "value discernment", though. Saying what we think is bad is all that keeps quality-control in check. If I really, really don’t like a column, or if I think someone’s wrong, then I say so and I say why. That’s just constructive criticism.
Are you going to be at The Motor City Comic Con this year? It would be so cool to meet a smart and unique woman such as yourself and FYI If you ever write a book I’ll buy it first thing Thanks for writing this article on iFanboy for us Comic Book Geeks 🙂
Great article. This and "Want!" are my favorite features to a site I have been religiously devoted to for the last three years.
@MollyMcIssac: It’s cool, work can be like that sometimes what with coworkers begging for something to gossip about. Being a nsfw searcher will just have to be a rumor I’ll endure for a brief period of time. Your picture did confirm that you were the one standing next to Conor @ ECCC.
>_> I… ugh.. assumed you were his sister so I said nothin.
@TimmyWood, I know you’d never let me down 😉
@flapjaxx, thank you. I am a comic book reader so I figure I might as well lend my own opinions on life in our little happy bubble of geekdom <3
@JLA1, Unfortunately I currently have no plans for that convention. However, I will be at Heroescon, SDCC, and NYCC! Perhaps some other cons as well; schedule isn’t set in stone yet. <3
@Mangaman, Ha! I may be tall, but I’m not THAT tall. Are you a fellow Seattle-ite?
I want to know if anyone would Bed room cosplay doing the Christian Bale Batman voice? Just a thought.
As for the "where to meet people" internet dating sites aren’t bad at all, they work folks, trust me.
Fun article, looking forward to it continuing.
@MollyMcIsaac: Yes.