Hey iFanbase, Timmy Wood here. The following is from a series of emails that were sent around the Justice League of America. I pulled a fast one and got a hold of them. Read them quickly before Batman takes them down. 


Black Canary     1:00 pm (5 hours ago)

Hey everyone,

The Academy Awards are this Sunday and Ollie and I are having an Oscars viewing at our place which many of you all RSVP-ed as attending. I have attached the Oscars ballot, fill it out and send it back to me and we will do our Oscars pool. Good luck voting and see you Sunday!

Black Canary

Green Arrow     1:15 pm (5 hours ago)

Wait. That’s this Sunday? I am supposed to be having my conspiracy book club this Sunday.

The Atom     1:20 pm (5 hours ago)

What are we reading this Sunday?

Green Arrow     1:30 pm (5 hours ago)

We will be reading Occult in America which is a true account of how our nation was created by freemasons and devil worshippers.

Black Canary     1:45 pm  (5 hours ago)

First of all Ollie we have had this planned for months now. Reschedule it.
Second, Atom, why are you in this book club?

The Atom     1:50 pm (5 hours ago)

It’s less of a book club and more Ollie rants and raves while Hal and I eat snacks.

Green Arrow     2:05 pm (4 hours ago)

The same illuminati that decides the fate of this nation also decides who wins the Oscars. It’s all a big joke!

Superman     2:15 pm (4 hours ago)

Sorry, I cannot attend. Lois is having her own party. I have to make the cheese dip.

I am voting for Lincoln though. Love that Spielberg.


Martian Manhunter     2:22 pm (4 hours ago)

What are the categories again? I would like to participate in this event this year.

Black Canary     2:35 pm (4 hours ago)

Great J’onn, just look at the ballot I attached and fill it out. All the categories are on there.

Cyborg     2:50 pm (4 hours ago)

Best Picture: Django Unchained
Best Actor: Joaquin Phoenix
Best Actress: Jessica Chastain

Black Canary     2:55 pm (4 hours ago)

No, fill out the ballot. Don’t just email me random picks.

The Flash      3:07 pm (3 hours ago)

Best Picture: Silver Linings Playbook
Best Actor: Daniel Day Lewis
Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence

Black Canary     3:15 pm (2 hours ago)

Do you guys just ignore the emails I send? Don’t just email me random picks FILL OUT THE BALLOT!

Green Lantern     3:25 pm (2 hours ago)

Best Picture: The Hangover (the first one)
Best Actor: Ted (the teddy bear from the film Ted)
Best Actress: Kate Upton (Hottie!)

Black Canary     3:30 pm (2 hours ago)

Hal, you’ve voted for The Hangover four years in a row now.  Surely, you know that’s not how this works.

Firestorm     4:30 pm (1 hour ago)

Hey guys!

First of all I always make the mistake of voting with my heart and not with my head. For instance I really want to see Joaquin Phoenix win best actor but it’s probably going to go to Daniel Day Lewis. Gotta make sure I don’t do that again this year. Skyfall was probably my favorite film of the year. What were some of your favorite films of the year that weren’t nominated? Can’t wait until  Sunday! It’s my most anticipated (and ONLY LOL) event on my calendar this week.


Black Canary     4:35 pm (1 hour ago)

I don’t know which one of you keeps forwarding these emails to Firestorm but it isn’t funny. It’s mean. Every time you do this I have to call him and tell him AGAIN that he is not invited and he isn’t in the JLA. Please stop.

Hawkman     4:40 pm (1 hour ago)

I only care for the animated films. May Wreck it Ralph win all the awards.

Black Canary     4:45 pm (1 hour ago)

Alright I have received ballots from everyone except Batman, Wonder Woman, Animal Man, Plastic Man, Zatanna, Booster Gold and of course HAL JORDAN.

If you are coming please send them.

Batman     5:15 pm

I will not be attending. I would also like to remind everyone that during highly anticipated televised events, crime doubles. Please take this into account next year when planning events. I recommend recording said event and watching it the following day.

Also, Argo will win best picture. I have a source.

Black Canary    5:25 pm

Remind me not to include Batman on these emails next year.

Firestorm     6:30 pm

Hal just forwarded me the last few emails. Am I not in the JLA? Do you guys…..not like me?


Screen shot 2013-02-18 at 10.52.12 AM

Timmy Wood is a writer and comedian in New York City. He loves the Oscars and really wishes The Master had been nominated for Best Picture. Follow him on twitter!



  1. Really Batman can’t come because he’ll also be watching it at Lois’s party… through binoculars from a rooftop across the street.

  2. Aww, poor Firestorm.

  3. Poor Firestorm.

    I also love that final picture of Bruce, forcing me to assume that he will indeed be watching the Oscars on Sunday, but he doesn’t want all of those other jokers interrupting the banter.

  4. these are really funny! good stuff.

  5. Love these!

  6. Best part is Hal Jordan’s email address and the fact the Firestorm as “hot”mail.

  7. Bravo, sir. My favorite thing on the Internet today.

  8. This was great.

  9. Surely Diana could accomodate Ollie by letting him rant–I mean discourse on Zero Dark Thirty (I’m sure he has an opinion) during a slow stretch in the Red Carpet coverage . . ?

    Batman really won’t be there, becuase, as Bruce Wayne he has a date with a hot starlet to attend the ceremony. The burdens of a secret identity, you know? Meanwhile, back at the Manor, Robins past & present will be having a party that consists of Dick and Jason debating the merits of Django Unchained, Tim braging that his statistical model predicts better than any other and Damian curled up with Titus too embarassed to admit that he cried during Silver Linings Playbook. Everyone will ignore Alfred when he tries to speak as one who “once did this sort of thing . . .”

    Finally, what I want to know is will anyone of the League pick The Avengers for best visual effects, or did Animal Man convince them all to vote for that tiger film . . ?

    • God, I want to read a one-shot about the Robins’ Oscar Party. Does Babs get an invite?

    • Dick was going to invite Babs, but she’ll be watching with the gals from Birds of Prey at a swanky Gotham nightspot. Tim kept feeling like there was this girl from school he wanted to invite (Stephanine something or other?) but wasn’t allowed for some arbitrary reason . . .

    • Are you saying that Red Robin is actually Nate Silver? That… explains a lot, actually.

    • Well, Tim would like to think that he’s as sharp as Mr. Silver . . .

  10. These are so great. Thanks, Timmy.

  11. /Applause

    These e-mail threads are great! We want more.

  12. Batman was right!

  13. My God do I love these! So great every time!