‘G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra’ Teaser Reports For Duty

For years we, the fans of G.I. Joe, wondered — what would a live action G.I. Joe film look like and when, by god, would we see it? Well, wonder no longer.

Still images have been out and about for a while and they haven’t looked too bad — Snake-Eyes looked particularly spot. And while the rest of the Joes were dressed in similar black armor-ish suits (a la the X-Men) that was understandable. You can’t be taken seriously by a wide audience with some of those outfits they got away with in the cartoon/comics. I have reserved my judgment until seeing some actual footage…

UPDATE!and now we finally have it. Click on that link for a smallish flash player or to download hi-rez versions of the trailer.

My verdict after watching the teaser? This movie is going to be awesome or it’s going to be awesomely bad. And there is a good chance it will be both. G.I. Joe has always had an element of ridiculousness to it that could become magnified in real life, so we’ll see how that will play out. The director inspires zero confidence, though.

Here are some screencaps:

Comments

  1. My mom always told me if I didnt have anything nice to say…

  2. Well I will be seeing this for sure…

  3. I have a feeling this is gonna be like Transformers for me: if i consciously turn of my brain it’s gonna be AWESOME!!! if I think about it for more than 2 minutes I’m gonna violently hate it…

  4. The funny thing about TRANSFORMERS is that if I’m flipping through the channels and I come across it, I always watch.

  5. good thing I don’t have any childhood memories of this, cause they would probably be shattered when this comes out.

  6. @Ipitythefool: I don’t believe in childhood memories being "destroyed" by subsequent instances of media.  I think that’s people being overly dramatic.  It’s no different than a bad adaptation of a book or comic having no affect on the source material.

  7. I really enjoyed the first Mummy movie, but didn’t enjoy much of Sommers other work.  I think this has potential to be a Transformers-esque movie, or if anything, a really fun action romp featuring characters of old.  Anybody expecting this to be something serious is crazy.

  8. @conor I respectfully disagree.  It’s not melodramatic to have childhood dreams destroyed by feature films.  The ratio of comics -> literary adaptiations is dramatically larger than that of comics -> film.  And waiting for a film adaptation takes tremendous patience and forgiveness – we wait and wait as we see production stills and other leaks only to have to try and swallow our misgivings to enjoy a feature length film that will be the yardstick for months to years until another (hopefully better and streamlined) version comes along.

  9. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Adaptations don’t retroactively destroy source material.  You can dislike an adaptation and still enjoy that from which it hath sprung. 

  10. @moriddim: Unless the film company comes in and surgically alters your brain, you’ll still have your childhood memories.  The He-Man movie was awful but I still have very happy memories of watching the cartoon.  People give too much power to these things.

  11. I don’t remember StormShadow’s outfit being vinyl.

  12. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Ok, not typically my kind of movie, but the action looks slick as hell.  Could be fun. 

  13. @conor Okay, I see where you’re coming from.  The childhood dreams cannot actually be destroyed, no, but it can be very tough, I think, for someone that gets their hopes up during a time where there is a chance someone will do your dreams justice and instead produces something that merely uses the ideas as fodder for another formulaic forgettable.  Are there much greater losses in the world?  Haha, yes, but this is an iFanboy discussion, yes?  😉

  14. This looks baaaad.  Like really really bad.

  15. There’s nothing in that trailer to really suggest if the movie’s going to be good or bad.  I like that Chris Eccleston is Destro (if Nolan uses Riddler in Batman III, then I want Eccleston as Riddler) but the costumes and a lot of the stylized action in the trailer looks silly.  I just hope this won’t go the way of Transformers where posturing and style pushes story and plot logic out the window. 

    I must believe The Doctor won’t let me down…

  16. Can I be the first to mention that Sienna Miller is hoooootttt.

     And I agree with Conor.  No matter how good or bad this movie is, it still won’t ruin my memories of GI Joe comics, cartoons, and toys.

  17. Knowing is the half the battle. Yo Joe!

  18. I will say this… if I go… I will physically assault the screen if at any point in this movie, someone goes "Cobra-lalalalala!"

  19. It reminds me of the Transformer trailer.  At first I have reserves but I will probably enjoy.

  20. So there’s no Don Johnson in this one?  I dunno

  21. Generally, I prefer my ninja(s) to be dressed as bats.

  22. Meh….

  23. Remember when the last Hulk movie’s first trailer came out and we were all freaking out because it looked like a big, dumb video game?  That’s because the action had no context to it.  This teaser has no context to it.  We have no clue what’s going on with these sequences or why everyone’s flipping around and crashing through windows.  It could very well be that this is going to be a big senseless explosion porno or there could be context behind this stuff that’ll make sense once we know it.  So, don’t froth just yet until at least we get a full trailer.

  24. There’s no excuse for those outfits though.  I don’t care if you’re Scarlet, Batgirl, or whoever, plastic molded boobies on a costume should never happen.  And the fact that the rest of the team looks like they’re going off to play laser tag isn’t helping things…

  25. @Tork:….Is it okay if I still say meh?

    No your right, it’s just the first of what will be many many many many trailers and advertisments.

    Still after looking at this; it certainly feels like it was directed by the guy who did Mummy and Van Helsing. (Not to get off-topic, but Van Helsing…what a peice of garbage)

  26. Heh heh "from the director of The Mummy"

  27. I’m just happy the costumes don’t have nipples on them.  I’m not sure what to expect from this movie.  I’ll go in with an open mind and if it sucks, oh well.  As its been pointed out earlier, I still have my memories.

  28. I don’t like the outfits at all, I’m particularly hesitant about Snake Eyes outfit. The helmet looks weird with lips stamped into the plastic.

      

  29. Hmmmmm some how the posters looked better than the stills, this cannot be a good sign.

  30. Good or bad, I’ll still be there on opening night.

    Question, is the guy in the second screen cap supposed to be Destro?  

  31. @BetaRayRyan: Yep, that’s Destro.  He’s the main bad guy in this one.

  32. I like Eccleston a lot….I wish he did more stuff, other then Doctor Who and Heroes…what else has he done?

    EDIT: He also did The Seeker….but who honestly watched that? 🙂

  33. I’ve yet to see it but I believe he’s in 28 Days Later.  He was supposed to be Zod in Smallville but that fell through supposedly.

  34. @Tork: Sorry, ment to say ‘after 28 Days later; other then..’ But yeah he was awesome in that film! He’s one of those actors who just makes something from good to better; or even medicore to good. But him as Zod? Why did that not happen!?

  35. I don’t know.  I think they changed the script around so he never showed up as Eccleston.

  36. @conor If he’s the main bad guy why is called "Rise of Cobra?" I figured it was the Commander, too, and not just the organization. I thought Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s part was to play Cobra in this? Anyways, Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen trailer also made it’s way online.

  37. @psyguy411: RISE of Cobra.  It’s apparently about the formation of Cobra and the journey to becoming Cobra Commander.  Also, Destro is a part of Cobra.

  38. @conor I understand and I know that Destro is basically Cobra Commander’s #2, but I figured he’d still be the villain that they are just keeping close to their chest. I’m thinking about Megatron in the first movie, where you  heard almost nothing about him and he didn’t make an appearance until the final act. I’d still consider him the main villain for that movie. It’s hard to speculate without them releasing more info or until the movie releases, I guess, but either way it’ll be interesting in seeing their formation of both teams. Sorry if I came across as aggressive in either of my posts, I’m not meaning to.

  39. @psyguy411: You didn’t come off as agressive at all, no worries my man.

  40. @conor – Thanks, sometimes I just don’t like reading my stuff because even I take the tone wrong, at a glance.

  41. @Conor – seeing an adaptation of a book or a comicbook can ruin it a bit – it can dictate the pacing and make you forget how you imagined the characters look like, or not let you imagine how they look like if you saw the adaptation before reading it.

    It might just be a bit but it’s still annoying. Let’s say someone read A Series of  Unfortunate Events and then saw the movie – does that someone still remembers the way he imagined the narrator’s voice to be?

  42. I’m not really sure what to think about this. On the one hand, it could be a fun summer popcorn movie, like Transformers was. On the other hand, there is a big difference between America being threatened by giant robots from space in a mindless action funfest, and America being threatened by terrorists in a mindless action funfest. Is the country REALLY ready for a movie that doesn’t take itself seriously with a terrorist organization as the main protoganist? Now, I loved me some GI Joe as a child of the 80s and I will most likely see this movie, turn off my logic centers in my brain, and enjoy it. But I think I’m in the minority here. It’s a lot easier to not look too closely at a film and just have fun with it when there is something fantastical about it. When the threat in the film is so close to the threats we face in real life, that isn’t as easy a task.

  43. @Tork – the second Hulk movie wasn’t god awful as it seems it would be, but it was still a mediocre crappy movie.

  44. @TheNextChampion – he was in Cracker:

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105977/ 

  45. @JohnVFerrigno –  I doubt they ever hit buildings with planes or blew themselves on buses, but I haven’t seen the cartoon. You don’t have to link every "I want to rule the world" movie plot with current events. To be honest, time won’t help – there isn’t some time frame you can set… people that lost someone will remember it forever.

    Transformers could be linked with current events – they wanted to rule planet earth… 

  46. Chlop– A lot of people, including me, enjoyed The Incredible Hulk that were initially put off by that trailer. 

    I know I watched Casino Royale and thought it was one of the best action movies I’ve seen.  I later saw one of the trailers and I was suprised at how much it looked like a big explosion porn movie like Die Another Day was because everything was cut in out of context.  Even the shot of Bond swerving away from Vesper was cut to look like he was pulling some random side-wheelie move you’d expect from Bronson.  In context, it was all great, but out of context, it looked ridiculous.

    I’m just saying it’s 30 seconds of random clips without any context or even any concept of the actual plot.  It’s probably going to be as stupid as it looks here, but we should maybe wait and see until they show more.

  47. Am I the only one who thinks this looks pretty cool? I have my reservations as I haven’t seen a Stephen Sommers movie that I liked, but I have faith in this because they are paying homage to the source material (the comics). With Destro ACTUALLY being Scottish, Cobra Commander being American and G.i. Joe being a covert ops team with specialized skills. Yeah the action looks crazy, but shouldn’t it? Not every action movie can be "Bourne" all over again. 

  48. Wait, what? Did dude up thread just suggest Incredible Hulk wasn’t a big dumb action movie?

    What culture we live in. 

  49. I just hope some of my favorite G.I.Joe and Cobra characters will appear in the future sequel of this movie like the Flint, Lady Jaye, Shipwreck, Tomax and Xamot, Buzzer, and the Crimson Guards. In their original story lines of course and as action figures so I can still have my chance in collecting their figures.

  50. if it is like transformers I will definitely be excited.

    I’m sick of hearing people complain about "mindless action" "no story" "no plot" etc.

    movies are entertainment.  not everything has to be a dramatic masterpiece.  

     sometimes all I want is fighting and shit blowing up.

  51. I was going to pass on this movie, until I found out that Christopher Eccleston will be in it.  He was one of the few actors on Heroes that I actually enjoyed.

  52. Aw man, the hot chick with the glasses and leather catsuit isn’t all that hot in this version. Crap. I don’t care if she can act. They shoulda gone to some cosplay convention and cast one of the hotties running around in homemade fetish gear and Marcie (Marcy?) glasses. Yeah, that’d be the ticket.  

     

  53. Looks pretty bad. Woulda been cooler if they went with the real outfits instead of the x-men outfits. Any attempt to make G.I. Joe anything but silly and ridiculous is a dis-service in my opinion. Plus, Van-Helsing is the worst movie I’ve ever seen, so I’m not hopeful.

  54. Van Helsing had werewolves, so it wasn’t nearly as bad as people say.  Plus it had Frankenberry

  55. I’m in I’m in I’m in!

  56. This just plain looks great, and alot of fun.  And for those that are afraid of having their childhood memories ruined, have you actually watched these cartoons lately??  Most of them are horribly animated with stories that you would laugh at now.  It’s best to leave the memories seperate and just enjoy the movie for what it could be.

    I watched some old Transformers cartoons recently and….wow, just wow were they horrible.  But I still enjoy them and I also enjoy the new movie for what it is.

  57. @Tork – I know a movie can’t be judged by the trailer. I’m saying the second Hulk movie isn’t a good example. Enjoyment isn’t really the issue – the second Hulk movie had barely any substance and was a plain action movie with a lot of winks towards the comic book readers (which took me out of the movie and were annoying).

    And people like to froth before and after the movie, so why the hell not…

    @clintaa – movies are a medium. You can do whatever you want with them and not just entertain the masses. Also what’s entertainment for someone is boredom for another. Movies don’t need much substance, but it’s better to have more of a story than "I’m a nerd, I gots me a car, I gonna be sexing it up, hey look at those robots! The end". That can be an enjoyable ride but there are so many better rides available… sometimes people want more than bumper cars…

  58. This will always be called ‘Action Force’ to me. We were British, and stupid, and called it the wrong name, but that’s how I’ll always remember it.

    As a trailer this looks ok. In fact it looks just like a Stephen Sommers film, and that’s not meant in an all-bad way; Impressive action, some cool-looking shots, probably a load of clunky dialogue with bad quips, and most likely a convoluted overly-elaborate ending involving too much CGI. But I’m fine with that in a big summer popcorn movie.

    Stephen Sommers has never made a film I out-and-out like, but I remember having a good time at the theatre watching them. If he’s set out to make something purely to entertain it should work great, if he’s tried to go more meaningful we might be in trouble.

    As long as Serpentor stays the hell away!…

  59. They just showed the trailer during the Super Bowl and seeing Snake-Eyes on my TV doing the jump/flip thing gave me goosebumps.

  60. @Demonboy-You are so right. I just recently got the He-Man cartoons, oh crap those are bad!

     @Eyun-You couldn’t be more right…Serpentor…boo….

    I just watched the Teaser again on TV and I still say it looks pretty damn cool. As huge fan of the orginal comic book run, I could be worried about a lot, but this makes it look pretty cool.

    Then again, trailer for the Mummy was pretty damn cool too…

  61. I saw the trailer on the Super Bowl. At first I didn’t realize it was going to be GI Joe..but just another Bruckheimer (spell?) film…..i don’t know if that is good or bad. It didn’t look like Joe, but I understand it has to be modernized so to speak.

    I don’t know if I agree or disagree with comments as to whether adaptations spoil your childhood memories. For example, at the time when the Challenge of the Superfriends and the Superfriends Roast came on I was amazed and ga ga..there was Green Lantern and Hawkman on the screen! Seeing it now, sheesh that was bad. And now I only can dwell on how bad it is. If I had not seen it later, i would like to think that it would have held a greater place in my childhood. 

  62. The trailer doesn’t look awful, but the director makes horrible movies.  After watching Van Helsing I swore I’d never watch another Sommers movie and I will hold to that.

  63. See!  SEE!  You children of the 80’s think your cartoons were soooo awesome but now look at ’em!  Go 90’s!!!  BTAS and Gargoyles FTW!!!!

    Heh. 

  64. this looks like it was made for tv. i don’t have a good feeling about this one

  65. If I’m watching one big stupid action movie this summer, I"m watching Transformers 2.  Now that trailer was dope.

  66. Anyone else see that giant unicycle of death in the TF trailer and immediately think of Big Wheel from the 70’s Spider-Man comics?  No one?  No?  Just me?

  67. The fact that we haven’t seen Leavitt as Cobra Commander yet worries me.

  68. @Tork: No not really….Is that suppose to be Unicron?

    Cause if it is, Michael Bay is taking a literal approach to the ‘uni’ in his name.

  69. I’ll get blasted for this, but the cartoon was just not that good.  Most people going into this movie will either be kids or fans of the cartoon and I think they’ll like it.  Fans of the Marvel Comic, I’m guessing not so much…

  70. That big goofy thing on one wheel with arms that rolls through the bridge at the end of the trailer.  You can’t miss it.  I think it’s supposed to be Devastator, but I swear to God it looks like Ultimate Big Wheel or something.

  71. @Tork: I havent seen anything on what that is.

    But apparently Devastator is comprised of 7 vehicles…..So it could be him….But I dont remember him being 10 stories tall in the last film.

  72. "Devastator" in the last movie was errorously named so.  He was supposed to be named Brawl but they didn’t fix the mistake with the dubbing in the editing room.  So Brawl called himself Devastator.  The one in this one is suposed to be the true, dyed in the wool Devastator, I believe.

  73. I was just reading on a blog that the thing we see at the end of the trailer is only ONE of the Constructicons.  I had heard that the Constructicons would be based on those gigantic machines that work in quarries and mining operations.  And based on a toy photo, this blog kind of comfirms it :

    http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/02/01/giant-transformer-is-only-one-constructicon-devastator-is-going-to-be-massive/

  74. If someone says "Cobra-lalalala" I will go see this movie.  Otherwise, no way.

  75. @Champ – For good Eccleston films try Shallow Grave, Jude, Gone In 60 Seconds (average to awful film but he was great), eXistenZ, Elizabeth, or a BBC series called ‘Messiah’ (which I think was called ‘The Second Coming’) in America.

    That’s a good start, mate. He’s an actor’s Actor.

  76. This trailer left me with the exact same feelings as the trailer for Watchmen:

     Dread, apprehension, and a faint glimmer of hopefullness…

  77. Just a couple of things to point out. This movie is going to play up the stories from the comic, not the cartoon. For further proof, look at IMDB and that have two people cast as a young storm shadow and snake eyes and someone for the Hard Master, which any Marvel G.i. joe fan knows is the mane backbone of the series. This storyline goes through SS, SE, Zartan, and others. 

    Also, we’re not seeing Cobra Commander yet because I think that they are trying to keep it a secret that he has ties to Duke in this.  

  78. Transformers 2 looks like a milder "Maximum Overdrive"

  79. With only a working knowledge of the franchise, I have to say this flick looks like it could rock hard. Say what you want about Sommers’ films, but the guy knows how to do that over-the-top popcorn fare, and the G.I. Joe movie should be nothing but that. I don’t want Saving Private Ryan – I want The Mummy with ninjas.

  80. As long as it won’t be Doom with ninjas.

  81. I all but forgot about the preview for Transformers 2 that was on last night until now. It doesn’t matter how bad the first one may have been I am so ready for that. This, GI Joe, awesome, maybe?

  82. ‘Maximum Overdrive’ is a classic of our time. It’s up there with ‘Ghandi’ and ‘Earth Girls Are Easy’.

  83. there’s just something about the mouth on the Snake Eyes costume.

  84. If Cobra doesnt have that annoying, skreechy voice in the film then I’m out.

  85. Dennis Quaid’s character should be played by Don Johnson.   

  86. Man, does that look LLLAAAAAMMMMMEEE!!!!!! But i sure did love those toys and cartoon as a kid.

  87. Ray Park as a ninja = potentially awesome

     CGI as Ray Park as a ninja = I’m out 

  88. really Joes using recycled outfits from the Doom movie which were recycled costumes from the x-men movies anyone who can justify that is out of their minds. character designs were what made us enjoy Gi. Joe . Damn it I am a proud member of Cobra with its awesome insignia tattooed on my shoulder.  OH BTW no self respecting ninja would wear pleather or vynil seriously think about would you like to have a sweaty itchy ball sack while in a life or death battle? not me. :p

  89. oh yeah forgot to ask one thing how would you feel if a JLA movie were made and they wore similar attire as this or x-men movie to make it look more "realistic"?

  90. If you want to see a movie where everyone eschews realistic costumes in favor of the way the Joes really dressed in the cartoon, I would recommend 1980’s "Can’t Stop the Music." It is the "Citizen Kane" of movies about the Village People. If Hugh Jackman had spent that X-Men movie in a blue and yellow body stocking, you never would have heard the end of it.

  91. .. It’s The Doctor. Holy crap.

  92. @AgentOrange: We almost had that JLA movie last year.

  93. *shudders* Dont remind me conor

  94. I get the whole idea that certain outfits in cartoons and comics translate horribly into film, but the laser tag outfits aren’t exactly much better.  Besides, there’s no Snowjob or Wet Suit or Shipwreck on the team to worry about.  Just about all the Village People Joes are absent.  Beyond Snake Eyes, you could give everyone contemporary standard military garb and it wouldn’t exactly be all that off from what the Joes wore traditionally.  Cobra’s another matter, but I find it incredibly odd that they thought these goofy laser tag suits were better to work with than even what Duke originally wore in the comics or on the show.

  95. Is the dude with the parrot on his shoulders in this?

    Cause if he isnt….or doesnt have the parrot with him….I’m out.

  96. That’s Shipwreck. 

    You’re out.

  97. Eh Robot Chicken has done better stuff for Joe anyways 🙂

  98. Bail Nobra!

  99. @TheNextChampion – Peter Sellers is dead… but it would be really cool if they could CGI him. Just standing in a shot in the background not related to anything. Out of the blue, with his inflatable parrot. Someone needs to start a petition.

  100. bdsm fetish fans rejoice Gi Joe is here to save your day. I agree with tork they don’t have to look like the toons I just hate that generic costume design it screams of no creativity and blandness. I for one probably won’t watch this as huge of a fan as I am for several reasons. I’ve already been let down with STorm Shadow who i feel is more badass than Snake eyes sorry, but if they screw up Cobra Commander or even show his face I swear i’ll strangle the projectionist with the film.

  101. I’m glad they at least took a shot at GI Joe — really, though, what template is there for this kind of property? "Rambo"? "Missing in Action"? "Bourne Identity"? It could have gone in a thousand different directions.

  102. Pretty sure you’re going to see Cobra Commander’s face. Just like we’re seeing Destro’s face. Speaking of which, does anyone actually think that having a guy with a sliver mask for the whole movie would have been a good idea?

  103. @The Next Champion, Don’t know if he’s actually in the movie, but here’s a link to the Shipwreck movie toy. 

    http://www.hisstank.com/gi-joe-news/attachment.php?do=fullview&attachmentid=3316

  104. @Nate: BAH! He looks nothing like the gay Village People singer he was…..Plus: WHERE IS THE PARROT!? Already I have to give this film 0 stars.

  105. Are those B.A.T.s I see in the trailer?