COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Ralph and Sue Dibny

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation is:

Names: Ralph and Sue Dibny

Occupation: Detectives

Evaluated by Nick and Nora Charles

MEET NICK & NORA & RAPLH & SUE
Nick: Why would anyone want to hear me talk about another detective?
Nora: Because we are tire of hearing you talk about yourself.
Nick: Very well. I just need a little something to help me recollect my thoughts.
Nora: The gin is on the ice box.

DETECTIVE SKILLS : Top Shelf
Nick: Ralph Dibny was a detective with some interesting abilities.
Nora: Wasn’t he the one who could stretch and bend?
Nick: Yes, it was as if he had no spine.
Nora: Sounds familiar.
Nick: He also had  another talent.
Nora: He could make a fantastic martini?
Nick: No, you still have the market cornered on that one dear. He could smell a mystery.
Nora: Explain.
Nick: Whenever, something was off or strange, his nose would get a twitch. Kind of like how Asta’s does when your mother comes to visit.
Nora: I’m envious.

OTHER ATTRIBUTES: Call
Nick: I am not sure I can finish this story.
Nora: Here’s more gin.
Nick: Fantastic. Where was I?
Nora: Fifth glass..no. Sixth.
Nick: Right, Ralph and Sue would solve mysteries and travel the world doing so.
Nora: Wait, I want to go back to the stretch part of this.
Nick: Fine, I apologize everyone.
Nora: Don’t worry about them. They haven’t been paying attention. So he just stretched? How was he able to accomplish this?
Nick: Ah, yes. You see he drank this…er….soda if you will, called “Gingold”. It was drank by many a contortionists.  He found the root that it came from and extracted it. Made it into a cocktail of his own.
Nora: He could stretch because he drank a lot of this?
Nick: Yes.
Nora: What super power do you hope to recieve by drinking all the Gin?
Nick: Living here, let’s see…deafness?

TIME MANAGEMENT: Well
Nora: I don’t think this pair could have possibly been the skilled detectives you say they are. By what you are telling me they were married, super powered beings, they also mainly kept other super powered beings as company and they traveled the world solving mysteries?
Nick: Yes
Nora: Preposterous. How were they able to do that? There are only so many hours in a day. I am barely able to keep the house clean with all the stuff we have to do.
Nick: Did you fire the maid again?
Nora: She was stealing!

FINAL THOUGHTS
Nick: The point I was getting to…
*The dinner party cheers*
Nick: …The point I was getting to, was that this Ralph guy was a great detective but only because his wife, was also great. Just like my lovely Nora.
Nora: You are complimenting me? You have been drinking!
Nick: To my wife Nora!
Nora: To Ralph’s wife, Sue!

Ralph and Sue’s Response
Sue: We would have figured this Thin Man nonsense out in no time.
Ralph (in the other room): Honey, I can’t find the gingo?
Sue: It’s in the cabinet…behind the hot sauce?
Ralph: The Moth balls?
Sue: The HOT SAUCE?
Ralph: The Hop Scotch?
Sue: You can stretch. Why are you forcing me to yell into the kitchen?
Ralph: I can’t stretch because I haven’t had my gingo yet…oh wait. Found it. It was behind the hot sauce.

Timmy Wood is a comedian and writer who might grow out a mustache like Nick Charles. He is on Twitter!