Just a brief — and hopefully quite chilling — word of caution in this time of joyous frivolity.
This holiday season you will most likely be visited by three spirits. Or seven or thirteen spirits, depending on your constitution. iFanboy highly advises that you drink responsibly and only if you meet the requirements set about by your local governing body. It’s probably also a wise idea to assign a designated sleigh driver, lest you plow headlong into a snow bank, only to be discovered weeks later with a permanent expression of befuddlement like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining. Hold on to railings. Save receipts. Remember to set the camcorder to night vision mode in order to document any activity in or around the chimney and fireplace area. Do not position your menorah between an oscillating fan and a pile of birth certificates or a recently purchased copy of Action Comics #1. Do not sip the last portion from the kikombe cha umoja during the tambiko ritual, so as not to invite the wrath of your ancestral spirits. Be suspicious of any Christmas tree repairmen operating out of Mt. Crumpet and surrounding environs. Remember, also, to drink your Ovaltine. In moderation of course.
Be safe. Be merry. And don’t do anything Tony Stark or yours (mostly) truly would do.
I’ll be back next week with some resolutions for 2009, because, honestly the alternative this week would be an extended anecdote about the train set I’d always loop around the Christmas tree and the coal car filled with Marvel heroes. Or the fact that I used to position a Sauron action figure atop the nativity set, wings extended with tidings of comfort and joy from the Savage Land. nd nobody wants that.
Until then, I love all of you relatively equally and hope that you and yours evade as much seasonal peril as possible. I do worry.
You want the moon? Just say the word and Paul Montgomery will throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, iFanbase. Well, then you can swallow it, and it’ll all dissolve, see… and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair… am I talking too much? Reach him at paul@ifanboy.com. You can also find him on Twitter.
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As great as this article is, the itallics at the bottom blew my mind. Well done, sir.
That’s vintage It’s a Wonderful Life. My favorite film.
I’ll try not to embarrass you Paul.
*a seagull comes in and puts a flounder in my pants*
…….I’m sorry…
"Or the fact that I used to position a Sauron action figure atop the nativity set, wings extended with tidings of comfort and joy from the Savage Land. And nobody wants that."… I want that!
Reguardless I did enjoy your cautionary tale, but I must stress the importance of "Do not sip the last portion from the kikombe cha umoja during the tambiko ritual, so as not to invite the wrath of your ancestral spirits."
Much like Paul’s Suaron, an Archangel figure would try and "save" Baby Jesus each year. My grandparents were always a bit miffed by the angel with metal wings….
Happy Mithrastide!
I find that it’s a good exercise in holiday spirit to go to a dive bar with my guardian angel and sit quietly as he orders a flaming rum punch.
Alternatively, enjoy your holiday with Sauron.
@ Paul: That movie is one of my family’s few holiday traditions. Try as I might, I can’t stop loving it.
It’s actually a "Hanukiah". The menorah was in the temple – that big place with a lot of gold that got destroyed twice…
I’m talking to the JHC as we speak and I’ll see what I can do. Avoid Canada for the next 24 hours…
I actually remember learning that in school. Just going with the popular name. It’s commonly referred to as a menorah here in the states.
Glad to hear all the It’s a Wonderful Life love, people!
Sacrilege. Avoid saying that next to religious people – some are okay but some are touchy 🙂
The menorah is preserved for the resurrection of the temple and no one can light it. What we light is a really small replica of the original with a slight change – 9 places instead of 7. In the hanukia we light candles, the menorah requires olive oil. There are also some religious rules regarding the making of them both.
Now you know… and in Purim we celebrate the death of a family – wife, husband kids and all, by getting drunk. It’s fun.
I prefer Elwood P. Dowd to George Bailey…but a great movie nonetheless.
One year for a few days, the three wise men were Magneto, the Hobgoblin, and Dr. Doom.
For some reason, the "set the camcorder to night mode" bit didn’t immediately set me to thinking about recording Santa’s activities.
Too late… drunk!
This is the best way I’ve ever seen someone say, "Drink Responsibly"
Isnt that picture hanging in the Montgomery house right now? 🙂