TITLE: VENOM #13
WRITER: RICK REMENDER
ART: TONY MOORE
COLOR: VAL STAPLES
PUBLISHED BY MARVEL COMICS
REVIEWED BY JOHNNY DESTRUCTO

FINALLY! The team-up nobody asked for! Our militarized symbiote meets the Hulk that’s red meets the female Rider of Ghosts meets the lady Wolverine! No, I don’t think anyone requested this particular grouping, but if this story stays as wonky as this issue all the way through, I’ll be clamoring for more of it in the future.

It’s been several issues since I’ve checked in on Flash Thompson and his oozey-bits, and it would seem that things have taken a turn for the worse. Like any forbidden love that mom and dad doesn’t approve of, he and the symbiote have run off together to Vegas to engage in what I can only assume will be some sort of tentacle porn. That, of course, gets interrupted by the Red Hulk, who has been ordered (by whom? He’s an Avenger and gets to run around with them, but also still answers to someone in the military? Who is his higher-up? These are answers that may or may not be in his solo book, but I haven’t been able to make myself read it yet) to smash Thompson into submission and bring his A.W.O.L. ass back in. Meanwhile, X-23 is looking for a vial of her blood, which has been stolen, which leads her to Vegas and Alejandra, the new Ghost Rider is lured there for evil purposes by the big bad, Mr. Degli. It’s weird, but it works. Remender has given every character an actual reason to be in this book, which is nice. Too often, characters show up to these team-ups willy-nilly and for no story-driven reason. “Oh…um…Doctor Strange just summoned us all here. The end.” I was surprised to find that it all works within the confines of the story, and the story is a hell of a lot of FUN.

So much fun that I forget to ask questions like…how does an amulet hung on the sign of Las Vegas keep Hell from spreading out past Vegas? Hell can’t figure out how to go in any of the other millions of directions to get out? It has to follow that one road? It can’t…say….go out the OTHER way?

Why is it that even though the female Ghost Rider, whose flesh is entirely burned off during transformation and is just a bundle of bones in a leather outfit ….still has breasts? As far as I knew, they aren’t made of bones.

“Shhhh”, my brain says. “Don’t worry about pesky logic. This is candy, you’re having fun!” And it’s true.

Anyone else notice that this team-up is a strangely askew version of the New Fantastic Four team-up that happened back in 1990, which featured the grey “Mr. Fixit” Hulk, Spider-Man, Wolverine and the Danny Ketch Ghost Rider? Pretty cool. Though I am surprised that they didn’t mimic the original cover for that.

Also, thank the gods that they finally let Tony Moore ink his own work. I was so excited to see Moore was going to be working on Venom #1 and was extremely disappointed in the finished product. The inks by Crimelad! Studios were just awful and really devolved the pencils by Tony. Thankfully though, the art by Moore in this issue is the complete package and looks great! I wish this level of art was maintained throughout the last 12 issues of this series, but alas.

This was a mad-cap romp, dammit. I don’t care if you don’t like Ghost Rider being a girl, or Hulks that are red. If you like romps that are mad-cappy, then by all means, get on this book.