COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Ghost Rider

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation….

Name: Johnny Blaze

Occupation: Stuntman

Evaluated by Evel Knievel

Y’all like jumps and stunts and stuff? Good. Me too. You probably know that because you know me. I’m Evel Knievil. The one and only. You know enough about me but have you ever heard of Johnny Blaze? You haven’t! Pull up that lawn chair, grab yourself a natty ice and a hot dog and I will tell you all about him.

Circus Life
Johnny Blaze worked for the circus. The circus gets a bad reputation but I know that those folks are some of the hardest working folks out there. Anyways, Johnny works as a stunt man for the circus. He has a motorcycle and he jumps things. You know, cars, elephants, people’s kids. He can jump all sorts of things. He was good at jumping. You want some relish for that hot dog? You don’t? More for me.

Strange Happenings
Here’s where it starts to get weird. Johnny’s dad was real sick. Real sick. Johnny comes back from visiting his dad on his death bed and he seems different. He smells like sulfur all the time. He’s riding his bike out at odd hours of the night. His hats keep getting caught on fire. Weird stuff man. Weird stuff.

Amped Up Skills
He also has a lot more courage. Suddenly it’s like this guy has no fear, and I am not talking about those t-shirts. He is jumping all sorts of stuff. I’m starting to feel threatened about my title as AMERICA’S FAVORITE AND BEST STUNTMAN. I decide that I need to pay Mr. Blaze a visit. Now this is where it get’s double double animal style weird! I stop by his circus tent and he has all these books on the Occult and Devils and all sorts of symbols. What’s the one with upside down star and goat head? Yeah. He had that drawn, drawn on books. Heebie Jeebie stuff. I decide to get out of there quick. I am a god fearing man. I don’t need that kind of stuff in my life. I also get nightmares easy. That’s why I stay away from scary movies and haunted places.

Dignity, Honor, Big Jumps
I was offended. I just want to say, for the record, I worked hard for the title of AMERICA’S BEST AND FAVORITE STUNTMAN. I didn’t feel the need to call upon witchcraft or satan to use as a crutch. As far as I am concerned that is just as bad as using steroids or cutting through the parking lot to avoid a stop light. I didn’t have to worry about it too much. Johnny faded from the stunt man game after that.

Final Thoughts
I ran into Johnny recently in one of the strangest places, Church. I was like “Johnny what are you doing here.” He said “I just finished battling a horde of demons and a possessed preacher! You?” “Easter.” He looked good. Still smelled like Sulphur. Strange dude that Johnny Blaze.

Johnny’s Response
Hi. This may sound weird but I am looking for a specific kind of hair gel. No, not strong hold. That’s not the issue. I need a hair gel that can endure, oh how do I put this…I need hair gel that will sustain even if my hair is on my fire? No, Nothing? Yes, I have already been to Supercuts. Alright. Thanks anyways.

Timmy Wood is a writer and comedian. His daredevil skills are limited to riding his bike with no hands for about thirty seconds or so. Follow him on twitter.