It took me an extra month, but I finally got Scott Pilgrim 5, and decided to write a different kind of review (a step-by-step psuedo analysis, in fact).
Page 1: Okay, so there’s a moody picture, and it’s of Ramona. And the leaves are on the ground which suggests autumn (or fall, which suggests something bad is imminent).
Page 2-3: Best title page since book one; it’s all Japanese-ish. Ha, ha “turn page now”.
Page 4-5: Yep, it’s September (the 27th to be precise) and Scott is 24. Great birthday cake (with his face on it)…who is holding the cake, though? We never see them. Oh, Kim’s being brought to the forefront (YES!). “Scott Pilgrims WINS his birthday!”
Page 6-9: Its Halloween already…time moves quickly. Oh, wait, no it’s just a “Mexican Day of the Dead”. Julie may be the BIGGEST bitch in the world. More Kim again…I’m sensing a pattern. Scott looks awesome in a little burglar mask.
Page 10-13: New evil-exes…already!? The twins are Japanese, which fits with the title page theme. They get Scott’s name wrong…ha, ha! Wait, what’s this approaching?
Page 14-15: A robot? They’re sending a robot to fight Scott. The fighting appears to be occurring in the background…interesting. The twins make a pass at Kim, and she sticks it to them (oh, yeah!)
Page 16-19: Oh, my god! Is that Bryan Lee O’Malley (the author/artist) standing next to Kim and Ramona? I think so. Kim really is very important in this book. Oh, no…Ramona’s smoking again…not good. The fight between Scott and the robot seems to be taking place in the background, again…which seems rather awesome. Scott’s having his ass handed to him. Julie’s a bitch. Ha, ha – Wallace is the greatest texter on Earth! “I’m a drunk 4 u (U=Scott)”
Page 20-22: Knives and Stephen Stills! Knives needs to go away, she has become beyond annoying. SS: why did you tell her that????
Page 23-24: Yes, Scott! Kick its ass! Ha, ha… “Scott Pilgrim WINS the party!”
Page 25-27: I do believe that Scott and Ramona have absolutely NOTHING in common. Video games…all day…wow. And he forgot to do the dishwasher.
Page 28-29: Uh, oh…is that a letter for Gideon I spy?
Page 30-32: Again, absolutely nothing in common between Scott and Ramona…dinner in silence…awkward.
Page 33-37: Joe is another character I am starting to dislike. Band practise! Yes! Oh, no…that didn’t go according to plan.
Page 38-39: Sigh…Knives and her boring friend…yawn. But what is she scheming?!
Page 40-42: Ramona HATES THE BAND!!!!!!
Page 43-45: Scott in a depression may be the funniest thing ever. Wallace is still the best texter in the world…he hates the band also. Stephen Stills why are you bringing up Knives again?
Page 46-49: A band scene! Awesome! Ha, ha…jokes that pick at the book’s release schedule…priceless. Oh, no…Scott what have you done? That’s not gonna go down well…
Page 50-55: Ramona vs. Knives…awesome! Ramona kicks Knives’ ass! Oh, no…now Ramona knows the truth!
Page 56-60: Another robot…the gig was a trap…nice. Oh, no…Scott’s bass is dead! Did Ramona just kick him out?
Page 61-65: Wallace! Woo-hoo! Where’s Mobile? Oh…eww! Wallace, you genius! Blurry pictures of Gideon! Dun, Dun, Dun!
Page 66-69: Yep, Kim is going to be important it seems. Oh my god, what’s happened to Young Neil? Now I remember why I prefer Kim to Ramona.
Page 70-71: What a terrible plan…
Page 72-78: What the hell? Her head’s glowing? What does it mean? Ramona seems really worried.
Page 79-83: Another party. Seriously, what’s happened to Young Neil…and is that an underage Chinese girl on his arm? These twins are assholes. I HATE Julie! Another robot…
Page 84-89: Smoking again…what does he mean when he says Ramona’s changed? Changed how? The fights in the background are brilliant! More head-glowing and more Kim! I see what she’s doing!
Page 90-91: Nice double-spread…which holds no significance apparently…
Page 92-94: So what’s wrong with her head? Oh, no…they’re gonna get drunk…
Page 95-97: Scott wins again! Oh, no…they’re all drunk…oh, my…did Ramona and Kim just make out?
Page 98-101: Yep, Kim’s REALLY important. That twin seems to have a stalker-ish crush on her…oh, no…
Page 102-103: That may be the most heartbreaking sex scene I have ever seen on page or print.
Page 104-110: Uh, oh…Scott’s in trouble. More head glowing…mysterious. I feel really sorry for Scott being stuck in this situation.
Page 111-116: Where’s Ramona? Oh, in the shower. Uh, oh…Kim’s in danger! Go, Scott, go! Where’s Scott? Mistaken signals…oh, no…more head glowing!
Page 117-127: No, no, no…come on Scott…the twins are kicking your ass!
Page 128-130: Oh, my god…Kim’s in love with him! She’s saved the day!
Page 131-133: Scott defeats the twins! Excellent!
Page 134-136: Go on, Scott…go back to Ramona and explain everything. I want to cry for Kim, and I don’t know why…
Page 137-147: More glowing…it IS love…what’s up with this glowing? Why’s everything fading? No, no, no! Where’s Ramona gone? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! And now Scott’s locked out of the house…oh, dear…
Page 148-153: A repeat from the first book…but no Ramona to save his dream…Stephen Stills…oh, no…Scott’s crying…
Page 154-156: No sign of Ramona’s cat…Scott and Kim in bed together…but not in that way…did she just say she was gonna go home?
Page 157-158: It’s Stacey (Scott’s sister). Still no sign of that cat…
Page 159-160: Wallace is fantastic. It’s MOBILE! But Scott thinks it’s Gideon…
Page 161: No cat.
Page 162-166: Kim’s leaving. The Sex Bo-bomb album is only 17 minutes long…ha, ha! Poor Scott!
Page 167: No cat.
Page 168-174: It’s Scott’s mum and dad…at last! And his brother! Oh, no…he wants the bass back…
Page 175-176: It’s the letter from Ramona to Gideon. She wanted to stay with Scott. But why did she never mail the letter?
Page 177-179: Who’s this on the phone? Oh, man…it’s Gideon. “When would it be convenient for you to die?” To be concluded…
This may be the best book of all time…