Watchmen Toast

This is, as far as I can tell, a real thing.

Comics have long ignored the toast market. While breakfast has been ostensibly covered by things like breakfast cereals and even themed, branded bowls, cups, and silverware, very few licensing opportunities have found their way to the surface of your bread, english muffin, or bagel.

Until now.

The new toaster collection will showcase iconic imagery featuring Warner Bros. properties ranging from classic movies to hit television series. The license includes such properties as The Wizard of Oz, A Christmas Story, Where the Wild Things Are, The Goonies, Gremlins, Little Shop of Horrors, Watchmen, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Mad Magazine, Friends, AND MORE!  The first toaster is scheduled to be on sale September 2012.

These collector toasters will imprint iconic images from your favorite Warner Bros. films and television series onto slices of bread to make a fun impression on your breakfast, lunch or midnight snack! The extra-wide slots allow you to not only toast bread, but also bagels and more. UL tested and approved, it includes illuminated function buttons for cancel, reheat and frozen. The toaster design is a beautiful glossy black finish featuring the logo from the film or television series, and is a compliment to any counter top.

Dynamic Forces is teaming with Warner Bros. to offer these very niche products to those who have no fear of mixing their favorite IP with carbs. The speculation is that the toast will contain the Rorschach blots, but I’m hoping for Dr. Manhattan junk. In fact, I promise if the toaster embeds Jon Osterman’s dangler on whole wheat, I’m buying one for everyone in my family. A variant, or something…

The thing I like best about this press release is that it not only tries to attract your pop culture fandom, but also makes a half hearted case for the aesthetic qualities of the toaster, presumably to assuage the fears of any angry wives.

“Sure, it imprints my toast, but it’s a good looking toaster as well, dear!”

Not that I want to stereotype that the users of these toasters are all men. But then, after the fact, what do you think the demographics report for the Watchmen toaster buyers will look like? I know.

It will probably be more 'kitchen friendly' than this. Which sucks.

Hey, also? Yes, I noticed that they’re making Friends toasters as well. Could they milk it any more?!


  1. “Tagged With: Alan Moore, Toast, Watchmen” BWAHAHAHAHAA!!!

    I’m sure Alan Moore is very pleased. I think whenever any TRUE genius sits down to write, he/she is hoping that one day their creation will be used to sell toasters.

  2. This feels like a straight up Jack Donaghy move. How long until we get officially licensed Rorschach hats from Sheinhardt wig co.? heh

  3. “Finally” — No one.

  4. Josh, I believe the proper line delivery there is: “Could it BE any more milked?”

    Which, understandably, doesn’t roll off the tongue.

  5. I’d understand Watchmen sex toys, but this?

  6. There’s only one thing I can think of when I see this:

  7. Is it ‘painfully self-unaware’ or ‘painfully unself-aware’?

  8. The accumulated filth of all their jelly and jams will foam up about their mouths and all the single men and Denny’s servers will look up and shout “please pass the margarine !”… and I’ll whisper “no.”

  9. I thought that this was a joke. but its not! wow.

  10. The world will look over and shout “Pass the butter!”

    And I’ll whisper “No.”

  11. Not saying I’d buy a Gremlins imprint toaster but I do have a birthday coming up in September 2012…

  12. Who uses toasters anymore? Toaster-ovens are where its at. Can you heat up your left over pizza in a toaster? No, sir. You cannot.

    • Me.

    • I have a toaster-oven and it’s been used twice in the last five years… It’s abandonned on top of the fridge. I only use the normal toaster, way more convenient!

    • Despite my wife signing the praises of the toaster oven, I pull my plain ole’ toaster out every morning. Old habits, and what not.

    • I love that this article has spurred a toasters vs. toaster ovens discussion. This comments section IS “the internet”.

      From now on whenever I see a pointless debate on the internet I’m going to chime in with “Guys, toaster ovens are better than conventional toasters”

    • You can’t make cheesy toast in a toaster. That’s all there is to it.

  13. Are there any other great works of literature with as much licensed material as Watchmen?

    There’s plenty of Homer Simpson stuff but not from Day of the Locusts. A lot of Holden branded t-shirt but not Catcher in the Rye. There’s a band called the Boo Radleys but that has nothing to do with To Kill a Mockingbird.

    Seriously, any ideas on actual stuff like this?

  14. Mmm…Toast!

  15. I would have given my first-born to be in on the pitch meeting for this (sorry Aidan!).