Listen. We're high maintenance. We've got needs. More importantly, we've got wants. So before you dial us, you best check your bank account an make sure you're up for all this. And you better believe we are worth it.
Because we are good listeners and we have great beards, some of us.
Anyways, here's a mini catalog of some of the things we're after at the moment:
This Axe Cop tee shirt from Topatoco. If you're unfamiliar with Axe Cop, just know that it's one of greatest pan-generational experiments ever devised, a web comic written by a five year old and drawn by his 29-year old brother. See, when you get old–and we're not even talking that old here; we're just talking post-tot–you amass these filters, these imagination blockades that keep you from creating things like a T-Rex with machine gun hands. And when you're a kid, your thumbs aren't right and you just don't have the mechanics and web skills to make your own comic. The Nicolle brothers have combined forces, and that means no one is safe. And they're just getting started. Like 18 bucks.
This image of Daily Bugle editor J. Jonah Jameson and Spider-Man engaged in a pillow fight on a king size bed is just one of many surreal prints available from artist Brandon Bird, also on Topatoco. We think Bird escaped from somewhere, maybe by hurling a thing through a window after McMurphy got the lobotomy. This is the sort of artgasm that Eli Cash from The Royal Tenenbaums might keep over the sink in his bathroom in lieu of a mirror. Bird also has compositions of Christopher Walken building a robot in his basement, Magneto petting duckies, and Rod Stewart being inducted as a clone trooper. Like 40 bucks or so.
Even with a dozen or so staffers boarding at the iFanboy Brownstone, things can still get a little lonely. What we really want is a pet. But Conor's allergic to dogs and Paul's allergic to cats. Add in Josh's lifelong distrust for birds and Mike's itchy trigger finger with the fish food, and we're left with few options. This Star Wars Dagobah Frog Habitat is the perfect solution. This easily maintained terrarium is a microcosmic version of what used to happen in our woefully neglected inflated swimming pool each spring until we had a guy come with a truck to come get it. Here, we also have a living, breathing slice of the Yoda's murky sanctuary where we can learn about the facts of life. We can't promise we won't add other action figures to the diorama. We also can't promise that we won't get bored with this by June and just toss 'em in the Fry Daddy. $34.29
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That Axe Cop shirt is awesome.
You’d think an Axe Cop would wear long sleeves. Splatter = AIDS. You can never be too careful (unless it decreases your enjoyment).
+1,000 for remarkably applicable Eli Cash reference.
Dagobah Frog Habitat.
AWESOME!
They also have a Naboo themed aquarium where you can hatch and raise shrimp. I’d get it just for the shrimp cocktails and the opportunity to stare through the plastic and do the Blllllbbblblblblblblblblblbbll! Boss Nass thing.
I would buy the Naboo tank, drink a bottle of Jim Beam, scream at it that it ruined one of my most cherished childhood memories, toss it out the window, and then collapse into a dark, dark slumber.
So, yes, I am strongly interested.
Never heard of Axe Cop before, but I’m 5 strips in, and I already want that shirt.
I also just discovered Axe Cop and hereby declare it Best Anything Ever.
Axe Cop is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen!
Axe Cop may be the coolest idea I’ve ever heard of. I have a nephew that likes to make me draw stuff as he dictates. Every person has dragon wings and everything has lasers coming out of it. I mean EVERYTHING. It never occured to me that I could be making money off the little bastard.
I think I’m going to need to get Axe Cop just on pure awesomeness alone. Because that’s the kind of shirt you see and say "Now THAT’s a shirt."
OK. I’m agreeing with everyone else. I’m all over Axe Cop.
I want that Axe Cop shirt tattooed to my chest!
Axe Cop! Now I know what I will do during work hours.
Axe Cop is a bingo!
I really like that Dagobah Frog Habitat. That is such a fun idea. To really put it over the top, it should come with the Jedi gi that the kid is sporting. Of course, then it’d need to come with the obligatory Padawan rat tail to complete the ensemble.
Mr Montgomery:
I respectfully call into question your judgement for what I can only call a complete and epic glaring omission in your mentioning of Brandon Bird’s art prints.
Bea Arthur wrasslin’ a dinosaur.
Brandon Bird is my new hero.