Tuesday Showdown: Franklin and H.E.R.B.I.E. vs. Calvin and Hobbes

Franklin and H.E.R.B.I.E. vs. Calvin and Hobbes

 

"Thanks for having us at such short notice," said Sue, accepting a mug of instant cocoa from Calvin's mother. They stood there at the sink, peering out the window at their boys. "I'm sure Reed will have our building back in regular continuity by late tonight."

"So it's the whole building that's gone this time?" said Calvin's mother. 

"Well. Most of it. Reed thinks the even floors are in what we've been calling the Negative Zone. Some of the odd floors are just sort of hovering. I woke up on a moon this morning." 

"The moon?"

"A moon. Mimas. One of Saturn's."

"There's a good question," said Calvin's father from dining room. "Why doesn't our moon have its own name?"

"Franklin calls it Peter," said Sue. "What do you suppose they're building out there?"

"Boat," said Calvin's mother, matter-of-factly. "Viking boat."

"Ornamentation's a little anachronistic," said Sue. "I mean, right?" 

Calvin's parents nodded and went about setting the table. 

Out in the yard, Calvin was trying to mount an ice figure head on his snowy viking ship. The thing kept tumbling through the snow, too heavy to stand without any support. 

"I think the snow's too soft," said Franklin, seated on a beach chair within the ship's snowy walls. 

Calvin scowled. 

"Who are all these people," Franklin asked, assessing the crooked snowmen seated all around him. 

"Zombified vikings," answered Calvin. "They're more merciless than regular ones."

"Regular zombies or regular vikings?"

"Yes," barked Calvin, hurling the ice figure head angrily aside. It cartwheeled once or twice than sunk heavily into the slush. 

"Aren't you worried about your plush animal?" asked Franklin. Hobbes was draped over the side of the ship, muddy and sopping. 

"Don't worry about Hobbes. He'll get his sea-legs." 

"I think I'm ready to diagnose you," said Franklin's sister Val from behind a particularly misshapen zombie viking. 

"Don't be glib," hissed Calvin. 

"You heard that on television," said Val. 

"Whatever," said Calvin. "Anyways, what else does your robot nanny do?"

"Whatever needs to be done," droned H.E.R.B.I.E. "Children, I think it might be best to relocate to the house. There are an alarming number of icicles in the higher branches of this tree. And given the atmospheric–"

"Stop peeing on my robot!" howled Franklin. 

 

Franklin and H.E.R.B.I.E. vs. Calvin and Hobbes

Who wins?

Show your work!

Comments

  1. Given the rules that they live with.. I’m saddened to say Franklin and H.E.R.B.I.E.  They have real toys and real effects. Calvin has delusions of grandeur. If Calvin, his alter egos and his inventions were real, I’d pick Cavlin in a heartbeat. Even in the above, the rules are followed.. Hobbes is just a plush animal. =(

  2. s/cavlin/calvin/g

  3. Calvin cheats but he’s no Doctor Doom. Sadly Franklin wins, though I’m rooting for Calvin.

  4. Calvin teams up with Dr. Doom who then fuses Hobbes with Doombot tech. H.E.R.B.I.E. never stood a chance. As for Franklin, well, Calvin uses his own powers against him, an infinitely full bladder plus a snowball.

     Winner – Calvin & Hobbes

  5. I can see the pee-on sticker now, and the electric discharge from herbie being peed on cooks Calvin, now it’s just franklin vs the tiger. . .   

    lunch or not to lunch

    Calvin and Hobbes wins just cause their creator has one hell of a strict marketing philosophy which is admirable, maybe not smart but admirable as all gets out. 

    http://askville.amazon.com/Bill-Watterson-allowed-Calvin-Hobbes-marketing-tool/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=60393245 

  6. C & H

  7. I want to see them duke it out in Imagination Land from South Park.

  8. Why would they fight? I can picture them hanging out on a playdate, making demented snowmen (imagine Franklin’s snow creations), and having a fun and good-hearted time. Until their darn parents showed up…

  9. Neither.

    After a swift robot backhand knocks Calvin off the side of the ice boat, Franklin and Herb set their sights on Hobbes, apparently petrified with fright and unable to defend. Suddenly, from the illogical-on-this-sunny-winter-afternoon shadows leaps…

    STUPENDOUS MAN! Champion of Liberty! Foe of Tyranny! Football Rival of Oppression Tech!

    Stunned by the unexpected cameo, Franklin and H.E.R.B.I.E. are helpless as the Man of Mega Might realizes too late that jumping off of the roof leaves him with little control over his decent, crashing into the pair and collapsing all four combatants into the bowels of the frosty scooner. 

    A moment passes before two figures emerge from the winter wreckage; One, a Masked Marvel, whose origins remain as clouded as fog on his father’s glasses. The other, a bemused feline, chin resting on paw, wondering if Iron Fist is still looking for a partner.

  10. Franklin has nothing on the original Spaceman Spiff.

  11. Is this a game of Calvinball?  Cause if it is H.E.R.B.I.E is going down.  If it is not, then Franklin will trap Calvin in a dimension ruled by Rabid Hobbs.

  12. "Haha, I’m peeing on this robot like it’s a Ford symbol! Or a Chevy symbol! Or the Boston Red Sox logo! Or the Yankee…" Before Calvin could continue with his gloating, he was beaned in the head with a snowball, thrown by Franklin from the ship’s stern.

    "H.E.R.B.I.E, are you ok?!" yelled out Franklin. " Have no fear, the urine did not affect any of my functions. It did, however, affect a tiny percentage of my memory. Your Christmas wish list has been lost."

    "Ugh, I spent MONTHS fine tuning that list to my specifications! You’re going down! Let’s go!" said Franklin, as he help a fallen icicle as a sword. Calvin, still looking smug, replied "I don’t NEED to do anything, I’ve got my zombie Vikings! ATTACK, MINIONS!" Nothing happens.

    "Ugh, they’re packing quite an offensive! Who knew that zombies can be so tough!" Said Franklin, waving his icicle through the air. "Val, can you help me out here?!" "Way ahead of you, Franklin." said Val. "I’ve already convinced some of the vikings that Calvin’s business practices were unfair, and told them to unionize and join your forces. You should be good to go." 

    "HAH! You hear that? Some of your men have betrayed you! Now feel the wrath of MY faction of zombie vikings!"

    Nothing continues to happen, but now Calvin is throwing punches into the air. "What have I done? I made my own creations too strong!" The charade continues for about half an hour, with Franklin and Calvin demolishing all the misshapen snowmen. After all are destroyed, the two boys lay on the ground, out of breath.

    "Looks…looks like we are…evenly matched!" said a gasping Calvin. "Looks that way…I didn’t…I didn’t think there would be so much carnage and blood shed!" replied an equally exasperated Franklin. "H.E.R.B.I.E…you…you need to hide the bodies!" "Which bodies are you speaking of? All that there is here are a few dilapidated snowman" asked a puzzled HERBIE. "THOSE ARE THE BODIES! Hurry, no time for questions! If mom finds out I murdered a bunch of people, she’s not going to let me go to the arcade dimension with Uncle Johnny!"

    HERBIE sighed as he proceeded to start shoveling the snow away, while the two boys rise to their feet. "Well, with your robot hiding the bodies, I now can unleash MY secret weapon! HAHAHA, you didn’t think those vikings were all I had up my sleve, did you? GET EM, HOBBES!" yelled Calvin, as his Hobbes doll slowly was slipping off the side of the ship.

    "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" yelled Franklin, fearing the vicious tiger would pounce on him. Out of instinct, he created a tiny ball containing a newly created universe, and threw it towards Hobbes. In an instant, Hobbes and the universe were gone.

    "Hobbes? HOBBES?!?!?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR??" screamed Calvin. "I…I…I didn’t mean to! He looked so vicious, I didn’t want his to maul me!" said an incredibly remorseful Franklin. This quasi-apology didn’t stop Calvin from breaking down into tears. "Hobbes wouldn’t have hurt you! He was my best friend and the friendliest tiger ever! He wouldn’t have hurt you! If he was going to disembowel you, he’d only remove your appendix, AND YOU DON’T EVEN NEED THAT!" cried a hysterical Calvin.

    "It’s OK, it’s OK, I’m sorry!" yelled Franklin, as HERBIE came over after finishing his burial duties. "Perhaps I can do a trans-dimensional search for Hobbes? It will be quick, easy, and done before your parents find out that you traumatized your little friend!" assured HERBIE, as his face began to go blank. Soon, three slot machine reels appeard and started rolling. One by one the reels stopped rolling, until all 3 of them showed a lemon. "He’s in the lemon dimension! Franklin, now’s your chance!"

    Franklin waved his hands until the dimension ball reappeared. When it did, something came out that was completely different than what went in. A massive tiger jumped out and positioned itself in front of Franklin and HERBIE. After getting close, the tiger let out the biggest roar ever heard, which scared away Franklin and HERBIE as they started to run inside while waving white flags that they got somewhere unseen.

    "Hobbes, you’re back!" Calvin yelled as he went over to hug the new incarnation of Hobbes. "Gee Hobbes, you’ve sure grown! They must have had some tasty lemons in that dimension!" Hobbes then rubbed his gigantic head against Calvin’s hand, trying to get his to itch behind his ear. Calvin did as such, which caused Hobbes to lay down on his back and start purring.

    "Well Hobbes, I’m going to go back inside to whoop Franklin in Mortal Kombat. Why don’t you stay out here for awhile? I don’t think you can fit inside anymore. I’ll be out in a little bit!" Hobbes obliged, as he jumped over the fence surrounding the yard and started to play with the kittens next door. Calvin went inside, doing a victory dance as he neared the door.

    Val stayed outside, trying to wrap her head around the madness that just happened. She couldn’t even decipher it. 

  13. captamerica101 (@Autobot_Hunter) says:

    calvin throws hobbes at franklin, shouting"kill kill kill!" herbie incinerates calvin and franklin takes hobbes to play with.