Tuesday Showdown: Black Widow vs. Catwoman

Black Widow vs. Catwoman

Selina squeezed the diamond so tightly that, had she not been wearing gloves, she'd have drawn blood. She turned then, back flush with the ship's rail, and punched the Russian square in the jaw. The heft of the prize in her fist coupled with the speed of her recovery sent her traveling companion to the deck. The woman called Black Widow cursed in an accent that the Oklahoman heiress Nat Roman, the girl who'd slept in the cabin across from Selina's for the past three nights, might have giggled at. It was so very, very Bullwinkle. 

Selina held her gut and laughed. "Somewhere between the slot machines and the elevator, you lost your drawl, Red." 

"Miss Kyle. You need to give me the diamond."

Selina took a seat on the rail. "You need to head back down the hall to that room service cart, put some ice from room 343's shrimp cocktail on your jaw or I won't be seen with you tomorrow morning for bingo. I just won't, Nat." 

Black Widow stood calmly, turning her head slightly. "It's not just a rock." 

"I know. It's practically a doorknob. I think I'll take it." 

"It's worth more to us than it is to you," said Black Widow. "And that's all I can say." 

"Who's us?" asked Selina, placing the diamond in a small pouch at her hip. Black Widow looked from side to side. It was late and most of the seniors on the ship were fast asleep, the staff drunk in their quarters. 

"The people with the machine that can read what's encrypted in that pretty-pretty." 

"Nice try, kid, but the rock's clean. Got a good look at it while Weintraub was snoring into his surf and turf."

"Like I said. We've got the machine."

Selina suddenly felt an intense dislike for the other woman. A girl like Nat would've gotten lost in a treasure like this, would've felt the power in its history, even if she'd been too daft to understand it. But Nat had been discarded like a cocktail dress. And here was this Emma Peel wannabe. This imitation Selina Kyle. And all she could see a diamond for were some state secrets. Maybe the plans for a helicopter or bunker buster. And that didn't sit very well. 

Selina dove at the woman, who summarily strafed to the left, planted her foot, and hurled her at the wall. 

"I hate spooks!" said the Catwoman. 

"I can relate," said Black Widow kicking her swiftly in the sternum. "But I'm so good at it. And my resume's so full of redactions, I wouldn't qualify as fry cook for–"

"No product placement!" Selina yowled as she pulled her sideways into a lifeboat. 

 

Black Widow vs. Catwoman

Who wins?

Show your work!

Comments

  1. As you’ve laid it out here, I don’t see how Selina can win — it’s purpose versus pride and pride before a fall, baby. Natasha has a mission and she will complete it; Selina’ll get over it.

     

    (Plus Black Widow > Catwoman)

  2. Black Widow? Not Black Cat?

  3. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    I am the law. 

  4. This is a scenario in which we all win.

  5. I tend to think Selina is more the "get away" type than the "stand and fight" kind of girl, so on a ship, she’s got no escape, and Natasha wipes the deck with her, having much more hand to hand training.

    On the other hand, Darwin vs. is that… Greg Land? No contest.

  6. agreed. twenty times over…

  7. I think I’ve had this dream

  8. That is not fair to put up Natasha vs. Darwyne Cooke.

  9. scarlet johansson vs halle berry? scarlet johansson!

  10. @Gramercy  I don’t know man, as far as looks yes but I’ve seen both in interviews and man something about Johanson makes me want to punch a baby when she speaks and tries to make jokes. I’d rather be trapped in an elevator with Halle

  11. Despite my endless love for Selina, I’m gonna have to vote Natasha on this one. Josh makes a great point with the whole "fight vs. flight" argument. In a confined space, Catwoman has very little chance.

    @Gramercy: Shame on you for reminding everyone of that movie’s existence. Sometimes I go a whole month without remembering that piece of shit. You just blew May for me.

  12. Halle? Who? Michelle Pfeifer played Catwoman.

  13. Yeah this being on a ship takes out the fun of the chase.  If this was Gothan, NYC, Moscow, ect.  This would be the best chase sequence since Butch Cassidy.  Regardless of the location though, Black Widow is the winner.

  14. Black Woman would win. Obviously.

  15. "Here is where you are wrong, my friend. This woman has killed before."

    "Allegedly."

    "Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability."

    "Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor!"

  16. I think that in a hand to hand combat, where it has to be seen thru to the end where neither party can run away and its till the other person cant stand and fight, then I put my money on Black Widow. While Im sure Cat woman would seek a very nice revenge and steal the diamond back.

  17. What? you guys are crazy, Selina would totally own Black widow in hand to hand combat. She was tried by Wildcat and can stand toe to toe with Batman guys!

  18. Or maybe  CAT WIDOW

  19. Oooh, that last sentence gives it away. By wilfully closing quarters with Natasha, Selina has sealed her own fate. Selina’s skills lie in her gymnast/acrobat balance and her fighting comes via training from Wildcat – a former boxer. Neither are much good once there’s no distance between her and her opponent. Bad tactical more. Widow will have her for lunch now that they’re toe-to-toe. Sorry, Cat’.

     

  20. I can’t back up that Land drawing but I like that Cooke.

  21. Catwoman flies through the air, offering witty feline related comments, and generally being very lithe. She makes important social comments about poverty, feminism and prostitution as she throws sharp barbs with precision. Flicking her whip elegantly she finishes off with a detailed and intelligent critique of fashion and the colour purple.
    Black widow shoots her dead.
    Sorry selina !!

  22. "What? you guys are crazy, Selina would totally own Black widow in hand to hand combat. She was tried by Wildcat and can stand toe to toe with Batman guys!"

    @TheDarkKnightDetective: Easy now. Let’s not get crazy here. Very few people in the DCU can go toe to toe with Bruce Wayne, and Catwoman is not one of them. I like Selina as much as the next fanboy, but let’s get serious. Save any examples you’re prepared to provide, because my response will undoubtedly be "He let her win for one reason; Pussy."

    Pun intended.