For the first time in a very long while, I am single. Don't worry (not that you were): I'm just fine, enjoying all of the time to myself to cuddle my dog, proudly display my unicorn collection, and eat lots of ice cream while watching terrible reality TV. But this strange newfound freedom has got me thinking about one of my favourite topics: Comic books. More specifically, I've been daydreaming as I gaze lacadasically out the window, picturing my inked heroes springing from the page and injecting a lot more excitement into my life.
What? I never said I was a NORMAL girl.
So who would my top five picks for comic books hunks be? If I had my choice of the litter, who would I let hold my hand in the mall? Well, with furrowed brow I have finally narrowed it down.
5. Wolverine
I've always had a thing for beardy, hairy men in plaid shirts and tight jeans – even before I knew what a hipster was. Add some impressive sideburns, a wicked sense of humour, some bad boy attitude, a mysterious past… then dollop a little surprising sensitivity on top of all of that, and you have a make-the-knees-weak sundae. I could even look past the fact he is shorter than me and has a bit of a Napoleon complex, because I can think of some rather PG-13 uses for those claws. If you know what I mean.
4. Spider-Man
The saying "good guys never get the girl" is actually pretty false. Even though I may seem to be contradicting myself after the above paragraph, nerdy, sensitive boys have their place in every woman's heart. Peter Parker is the kind of man who would always bring you flowers, shyly write you love notes even after a five year relationship, and never forget to thank you after a tryst beneath the sheets. Even if he stood you up in favor of going to go see his aunt or saving some kittens stuck in a tree, it would still be all too easy to forgive him the moment he flashed his self concious smile and apologized. And he's so handy! You'd never need a ladder again – hanging picture frames, tucking the far end of the sheet, or changing that pesky light bulb in the vaulted ceilings!
3. Scott Pilgrim
Scott Pilgrim is like Peter Parker… except he's willing to deal with the baggage. Even if it means seven exes trying to knock his teeth in. No problem! He has the considerably surprising ability to fight like a cat stuck in a corner, and then he'll sing a badass song about it later that night at his indie show. Last guy you dated was a dick? No problem, Scott can handle that! Secret lesbian excursions in college? AWWWRIGHT, ain't no thang! Lurking to the side of the stage with girlfriend-not-groupie status knowing your man just protected your honor seems like a pretty sweet deal.
2. The Thing
He's always… well, you know.
1. Doctor Strange
Tired of living in the same old town? Have the same old red box movie and TV dinner become a little dull? Do you absolutely HATE looking out your window and seeing the same damn tree day in and day out? If you have this sort of attitude, you should probably date a sharp dressed magician by the name of Doctor Stephen Strange. Not only could Doctor Strange resurrect your childhood pet from the back yard and conjure from mid air those pickles you're craving, but he'd also take you on many exotic trips. Where to? Why, other dimensions and planets, of course! Haven't you always wanted to stand aside idly while your parents meet for the first time? Time travel is no biggie. Though his constant reading of your mind may eventually get pretty irritating, it has potential to help the relationship instead of hurting it. Basically, if you want to date a "god", Doctor Strange is your dude.
So who would I end up choosing if these five men suddenly were clamoring on my doorstep, all vying for my attention? To whom would I bestow the rose?
I'm open to suggestions, but for now I'm just going to eat this delicious ice cream.
Molly McIsaac probably thinks about dating fictional characters way too much, and really does have a unicorn collection. You can follow her bizarre rants on Twitter.
Find us on Facebook
Follow us on Twitter
Subscribe to our RSS Feed
Some rights reserved.
aren’t you scared of the Ditko fingers?
Lol at number 2.
Let’s not forget that while Scott can forgive you for your sins, he has a lot of baggage of his own.
Pus when your mom asks you what kind of doctor Strange is you can he’s a surgeon and it’s totally not a lie.
Scott Pilgram!! I’m must understand that book even less than I thought.
Wow, big upset pick with Doc Strange, if u dated him u’d have to deal with his bromance with Wong
Isn’t Strange a bit on the “older” side also? We are saying we would date Pilgram at 22 or Strange at 52. Kinda broad strokes there.
@spaceghost Wolverine is also around 100.
Number two was funny, bit I feel like you already did an article like this before.
Guys what’s with the ageism ? Hot is hot after all…
@PraxJarvin I wasn’t even going to touch that one.
@Vuk I’m not saying you can’t date but a serious relationship with a dude thats 30+ years your elder or even a dude that will live WAY past you?
@spaceghost15 Given the fate of most comic book girlfriends and wives, chances are the hero is going to outlive you anyway, right?
@spaceghost15 This was the premise of Highlander right? That guy was breaking hearts in nursing homes for centuries.
At least you have a tree to look at…:(
Forget ageism. How bout publisherism (?). There’s not a single DC man on this list. What gives, McIsaac?
haha, nice.
I totally agree with Wolverine. He’d be perfect for me; we’d basically leave each other alone most of the time and he’d most likely be cool with me hooking up with girls (specifically Selina, as long as we are talking fantasy) on the side. All I need in a dude is a sense of humor and some body hair, which leads me to my second pick –
Kurt Wagner. It would be incredibly short-lived (and I am SO not into skinny guys) but fun while it lasted. Maybe he’ll be my rebound when Logan and I call it quits.
I would ultimately settle down with Lois Lane.
Also, Scott Pilgrim? For real? It would be like dating a 15 year old, only probably worse.
Yeah, but Peter Parker would probably refuse to get rid of spiders in the bath. Deal with THAT!
Molly, I’ve never seen a hipster look like that with his shirt off – Food is not hip
DC guys aren’t datable; their girlfriends tend to end up in refreigerators. 🙂
HAH!
Only weird pick on this list is Thing, who seemed to imply that he couldn’t have sex in rocky form back in the X-Men vs. Fantastic Four miniseries. Of course, in current continuity, he can switch back to human form at regular intervals, so I guess the point is moot. Still, I guess it’s good to see a blue-collar guy near the top spot.
That said…not noticing a lot of color in the list. Where are the black guys? The Asians? The Latinos? of course, i could say that about comics in general. 🙂
GodDAMN I’m funny…!
2 is a lot of astroglide.
I could see Molly going for the hipster security guards that have been showing up everywhere.
@flakbait True dat. But even for a short run I think you would want a guy that’s flashing back to a war he was in that occured this CENTURY
@srh1son Sean Connery or Christopher Lambert?
@spaceghost15 You know they shared some French girl during the Revolution or some shit like that…
Breaking hearts and beheading immortals. It’s the life.
@spaceghost15 I’m on the “older” side, although not as much as Strange. Which means I still have a shot! YES!!!
Molly, all of these people have horrible horrible emotional problems
@edward Women always believe they can fix us.
@stuclach you’re married, does it actually work or am i going to eat 2-minutes noodles for the rest of my life?
@edward You take cooking classes and dance classes and…. I’m not finishing this I’m already tired.
@edward It doesn’t work. Men cant be changed, but it doesn’t stop those wacky women from trying. God bless my wife =D
Diabhol- The Thing Is yellow.
What, no DC guys? *sigh* I guess I’ll just have to settle for Wolverine…How Thing ranked higher than him is beyond me.
My list
5. Power girl – I like her personality
4. Cat woman – I like her personality
3. Kitty Pryde – I like her personality
2. Atom Eve – I like her personality
1. Oracle/Barbara Gordon – I like her personality
Spider-man is terrible. I mean, he’s a good chap, but there would regularly be dramatic tension caused by him having to run off and save New York instead of meet you at the restaraunt. Wolverine would always be picturing you as Jean in bed, Pilgrims not a terrible choice and Dr. Strange isn’t marriage material but he’d make a good sugar daddy for awhile.
There are definitely datable DC dudes. While Bats is sucky at [female] relationships and Superman would make you feel like a douchebag in comparison all the time, there’s other options. Look at some of the marriages. You have the Barry Allen, Ray Palmer and Ralph Dibny trio. Seriously good guys, good relationships (Other than a couple… serious mishaps beyound their control.) Green Arrow? Saucy, sexy, politically conscious and faithful and good to his lady.
Single guys are harder, because of the aforementioned Spider-man syndrome… but they’re about. I’d date Ralph Choi in a second, he has the shy sweet spider-man qualities, but then add a big sexy brain, the ability to go all Talk to Her and a hilarious floating head and you have a romantic comedy level romance.
Is it weird to crush on two Atoms at once?
I never thought i’d see a woman run down her top Comic Book “hunks”. I expected Mr. Fantastic to top your list…for some reason….haha..cool article. It may just be me but under #4 you say that he would never forget to say Thanks after sex or uhh ”a tryst beneath the sheets”.That just seems odd to me and I cant think of any instance I Thanked a woman after sex, unless it was in a frivolous & playful manner. I certainly hope thats not something normally expected. It seems like it would be almost rude or as if a transaction took place in my favor instead of one of mutual satisfaction. Anyway, Zatanna is my top pick by far.I cant really think of anyone else that can compete except for maybe Power Girl.
I know I’m commenting a little late, but Scott Pilgrim? Really? My type is immature man-boys who hang out at comic shops and play too many video games and even I wouldn’t put up with him. 🙂 Peter Parker would probably be the only guy on this list I’d fight you over, and I’d forget about him in a heartbeat if Jimmy Olsen showed up. I love a man in a bowtie.