I have always been "that" friend – the one people perpetually come to for advice, call crying, and consult when their boy/girlfriend is being a jerk. I've never had a problem in this role, and over the years I have slowly but surely developed an arsenal of common sense for most situations. The fact that I have always been immersed in the subculture of geekery gives me a slightly unique view on the general trials and tribulations of sex and relationships, and I like to be relatable on that level. Thus, my brain gave birth to the love child of advice that is Talk Nerdy to Me. It used to be hosted on battlemouth.com, but now it is calling iFanboy home, and it wants to be quite comfortable here. I will answer all of your geeky relationship or sex questions, no holds barred. If you have anything to ask me, email me at molly@ifanboy.com
Now, without further ado, Talk Nerdy to Me number two! (Hey, that rhymed)
In today's internet age, can you have a super hot digital romance (including pictures, chat, Facebook messages, DM on Twitter) only to have it fall flat when you actually meet in person? (From Anonymous)
Oh, most certainly. There IS something to be said about actual "chemistry". Sometimes conversations just don't flow, you clash sexually, or the other person has quirks and habits that drive you absolutely insane. That's why I think perhaps it is a bit foolish to profess "love" for someone until after you've met them and spent some time with them. It doesn't matter how late you can stay up on the phone, or how often you're thinking of them… you need to spend some solid time with them to really be "sure".
I went through a period of time where I went on quite a few internet dates. I was cautious (always made sure to talk to them for at least week before meeting, etc), and people I got on with swimmingly online were absolute bores in person… or they had a strange body odor, or odd ways about them (one guy picked his nails the entire date). I suppose the best thing here is to be CAUTIOUS. I am not knocking online dating or meeting people through the internet, because I'd honestly say about 50% of my friends were digital first… but just don't be too quick to jump into a tangled web.
Geeky girls are awesome, there's no denying it. And the awesomeness of them makes all other girls pale in comparison. Unfortunately, I don't know any geeky girls, and neither do any of my friends. Unfortunately again, my class of geek (awkward/socially inept/unattractive) is relegated to 'whatever we can get' usually. So, the question:
Should I actively seek out the geeky girls in life? OR should I just lower my standards? (From fetfet50)
Well, it's really a question about what you TRULY want. I don't think anyone should "lower their standards", because then they are going to be unhappy with the person they are with and always have the idea that they "settled". It sounds like you WANT a geek girl… but maybe you shouldn't be seeking someone who self identifies that way? There are plenty of people, girls and boys alike, who are into some pretty rad things that may not think of themselves as a geek/nerd/dork.
It's obviously important for a significant other to share some interests with you, but always remember these interests can also be developed. You could meet a totally sweet girl who's never picked up a comic before in her life, and if she likes you and is willing to try comics she may be totally hooked (this happened to a friend of mine, and now his girlfriend is a BIGGER comic dork than he is).
I would suggest just trying to meet some girls, with no real criteria other than that you get along with them and think they are cute… and see where it goes from there. Don't be specifically looking for the "perfect" girl, because if she doesn't hit every mark on your list you will, most likely, be perpetually disappointed.
What's the best way to approach someone you find interesting at a convention? (from Anonymous)
The first awesome part about this question is that you asked "at a CONVENTION". Obviously if the person you would like to approach is at a convention, you already have things in common. If you have things in common, there's a great conversation starter! Make a comment on his/her t-shirt, what comics/toys they are looking at, or just make a comment about the crowd. Being friendly and engaging is helpful, but I have made many friends at conventions just because I thought they looked interesting and merely went and said "hello". You have the security blanket of lots of people around, and also that you KNOW you are both there for vaguely the same reason. So tackle your shyness and go for it!
My boyfriend and I were having a really steamy make out session on the counter when suddenly his cat started meowing at him. He stopped in the middle of it and ran to his cat's side, asking him what he wanted. I was left for another pussy, and this isn't the first time things like this have happened. How do I tell him this really bothers me? (From Anonymous)
Here's the solution:
1) Take cat
2) Put cat in box
3) Write "free" on side of box
4) Leave cat on street corner
5) ????
6) PROFIT!
I'm sorry. I do not condone getting rid of your significant other's animals, toys, or even that terrible old holey t-shirt they wear to bed.
But in all seriousness, the best way to tackle this sort of issue is just to be completely honest. Your boyfriend may just really love his cat, and assuming he had his cat before he had you, he may be used to catering to his cat and not realize it's bothering you or hurting your feelings. In relationships, communication and honesty are truly the most important things you can have. If you avoid the issue (any issue that is getting under your skin, but in this case "the great cat issue"), you really MAY just end up getting rid of his cat while he's at work… and that would be a sure fire way to destroy your relationship.
Talk Nerdy to Me will be on iFanboy every last Tuesday of every other month! Send me your geeky relationship/sex questions, and I will do my best to answer them: molly@ifanboy.com
Molly McIsaac points her camera at everything, rides unicorns, and enjoys fictional characters with green hair. You can stalk her to your heart's content on Twitter, where she talks about her various misadventures.
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"I do not condone getting rid of your significant other’s animals, toys, or even that terrible old holey t-shirt they wear to bed."
I’m printing out this article and citing you as a reference the next time we have this argument. Those shirts were damn comfortable! It’s not like I wore them outside… very much! Then one day they’re just gone and she suddenly has a totally awesome new dust rag!
Hurm, I say.
That was funny…
Geeky Girls are the best and at Conventions is the best place to meet them.
I have too many geeky shirts. i don’t need to keep the holey shrts.
I think one of mine biggest turn offs though is when a girl is all like YEAH I LOVE COMIC BOOKS BLAH BLAH BLAH NERD FOR LIFE and then you’re like what’s your favorite comic and they go UH WATCHMEN OR LIKE THE KILLING JOKE, I JUST READ KICK-ASS ALSO THAT RULED.
Seriously, it’s just like ugh. I can’t bring myself to that level. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you sound like someone who is using comic books as a way of putting this idea in your head that you’re some quirky, nerdy girl. It just comes off as fake. Generally though, most girls I date love alternative and indie comics which is pretty awesome.
my girlfriend (geek girl) luckily knows that when I do finally get a cat it will come first
That cat guy has a problem.
When I’m fucking. I’m fucking. Nothing else exists.
What a fun article. I hope this continues! Would be great to see this as recurring!
When the kitty turns out to have been about to yak on the girl’s shoes until the guy got there to adjust the trajectory in time, then she’ll appreciate having a guy who pays attention to his cat!
More importantly, though, the way a person treats pets is the truest indicator of whether they are a really trustworthy and decent person. Okay, pets and waiters maybe. If a guy loves his cat, you know he’s not a bad guy.
Hey SirCox,
What’s wrong with liking Watchmen and Killing Joke?
If a girl just names Filthy Rich, Casanova, 100 Bullets then >I< think "Really? You’re sure you don’t just want to come off sexy, alternative and bad-ass cool?"
I can’t see ANYTHING wrong with saying "Watchman is favorite comic of all time"! Ok, it doesn’t tell you shit about that girl, but at least she didn’t come up quickly with some rushed out Top3 just to impress me with her comic knowledge or not to come off uncool-nerdy.
@JumpingJupiter~ Major lolz. I’m totally with you dude.
In a tangential relation to the first question, I always tell my friends who are thinking of getting married to live with the person for a while before popping the question. It’s a trial period, and you really learn if you’re able to accept people’s living habits. I have TONS of friends that dated long distance, got married, and are now on the verge of murder. It’s important to have time to get to know if someone’s habits vibe with yours.
Articles like this always leave a bad taste in my mouth. They do nothing but perpetuate the negative stereotypes associated with geeks or nerds. If it helps some people, I guess that’s a good thing… but I can’t help but feel it just perpetuates labeling people.
This will sound harsh, but I expect better from iFanboy than to publish an article that so blatantly references something as base and awful as 4chan. The "profit?" joke was in really poor form if you ask me. If anything, I know which articles I won’t be reading on iFanboy anymore.
If I came off as a troll, I’m sorry. This is just how I feel about the subject.
@Anson17 – Perpetuating myths? Really? "I didn’t like what I read, so I’m taking my ball and going home?"
@fetfet50 – I completely agree with Molly. My missus and I have about zero common pop culture interests – she likes Twilight, I like Let The Right One In; she likes Bon Jovi, I like the Pixies; she won’t read comics, I won’t read romance novels. (There are a few TV exceptions, but not many). But you know what? She’s my best friend in the world. Don’t limit yourself to missing out on someone wonderful because she doesn’t share (or want to share) your interests. Honestly, I kind of like having my own ‘thing’ – it makes it interesting.
Great Article. I wish I could find a geeky girl.
@anson: Personally, I looked at the header photographs and thought "Well, I clearly don’t fall into the demographic that’s going to enjoy this." But then, some people don’t like @jimski’s articles, and I think they’re fantastic.
I don’t begrudge any writer getting a gig, whether online or in print. And based on the repsonses, I’d say she’s got a following, even if you and I aren’t in it. Personally, it would be great if iFanboy could find an additional female columnist. One who, perhaps, is known more for their writing, and less for their not wearing clothes.
@akamuu, You should check out my other articles. =D They ARE about the writing.
Besides, not wearing pants is awesome.
@Molly: I did really enjoy the first article you posted as an iFanboy writer, and think I commented as much. These columns, and your cosplay commentary, not so much.
I would still like to see (in addition to you, not in replacement of you) a female writer more along the lines of Sonia Harris or someone with a different female perspective from yours.
While not wearing pants when writing is awesome. I never attach a picture of myself without wearing pants to said pieces of writing. For which the world is eternally grateful (while, again, I don’t fall into the demographic of men who enjoy pictures of scantily clad women giving dating advice, I can certainly appreciate why that demographic is much larger than the one who wants to see scantily clad me as Insafemode).
Okay, back to the article subject at hand, These comments are off-topic.
@akamuu, I agree! There SHOULD be more women writing about comics, both on ifanboy.com and other websites. That is definitely something I will not argue with.
However, I’m not a one trick pony, either. Talk Nerdy to Me happens once every two months. Other than that I’m talking about comic books or manga. I don’t write about the more "comic-y" things not because I have no opinion or I’m only a casual reader, but because ifanboy already has other wonderful writers who cover these things.
"I would suggest just trying to meet some girls, with no real criteria other than that you get along with them and think they are cute… and see where it goes from there."
Well said! I think if you go into any kind of personal relationship with a checklist of what you’re looking for, you’re going to end up missing the opportunities for the relationship to expand your life and interests, rather than replicating all the things you already care about. Look at the people who have relationships you admire. Do they all think exactly the same as their partners and have all the same interests?
Awesome article, Molly, keep it up!
When people go all righteous indignation about things like this I always get an eyeroll headache. Molly I hope you continue to do the pantsless article posting as often as you like and in support I will read any "pantsless" article of yours sans pants myself.
Methinks modern geeks are trying way too hard to shed the Wizard-magazine-reading-horny-fanboy stereotype.
Anyway, as for the article itself, my girlfriend and I broke up today and this article made me cry. It was a good cry.
I appreciate the diversity iFanboy is bringing with articles like these. Nicely done Molly.
@molly I think your relationship advice is solid. I’ve been with the same woman for going on 8 yrs. If you have a set list of things that must be fulfilled your doomed to fail. Find someone with similar interests and go with the flow. Stay cool, get therapy for overbearing insecurities (this worked for me) and just roll with it. People make seeing another person too difficult. This of course, from someone that’s been in a relationship for a long time. I understand that its difficult for me to relate to being single.
Also, opposites attract is bull shit!!
I think relationship columns like this are fascinating and I think its a fun departure from the normal grind. I will be looking forward to future "Talk Nerdy To Me" articles to come.
Molly, I enjoy your articles and the fact that you don’t wear pants sometimes. Keep up the great work!
Gentlemen: why does your significant other have to be into any of this stuff? Don’t you want, even need, something that is just "yours"? Sure, I guess it might be nice to be married to someone who actually wanted to come to San Diego with me for Comic Con, but I really value having separate interests I can pursue independently of the person I already do everything else with. Y’all are setting yourselves up for a John and Yoko situation.
@Jimski: It’s really important to me that anyone I date be a fellow hobo killing enthusiast. It leads to a lot fewer questions at 3 in the morning.
That really made me laugh a lot. You’re a funny guy Conor.
What do you mean I’m funny?
My wife also enjoys killing hobos, but I don’t.
Stay away from my wife, Conor!
I’m personally glad that my girlfriend of near 4 years and I can share a love of comics, music, and arts, and but like jimski said I’d go nuts if we didn’t have interests that we could pursue from each other. We can still socialize about our separate interests but we don’t need to be attached at the hip while pursuing them, in fact it is often better that we are separate
I’m trying to convince my friend that she and I should expiriment with killing a few hobos. I mean what could it hurt?
These kind of articles make me think I’m reading an Agony Aunt page in one of those teen magazines you read when you’re 14 🙁
Conor, you are funny like a clown. You amuse me. You make me laugh and are here to Fucking amuse me.
Thanks for doing so!
I’m glad to see relationship advice being dispensed on iFanboy again!
I think jimski and convoy83 hit the nail on the head there: it’s not so important that you have someone that shares your exact interests, more important that they share the same level of intimacy. If you’re looking for someone to join to the hip with, they better be looking for the same thing. Ditto the other way.
I’d prefer someone who had their own life also, I enjoy talking geek with all my friends’ husbands, but I’m glad to give them back at the end of the evening.
@thin Lay of the cocaine. You’re scaring the children.
When Conor pierces your soul with his penance stare in those early videos, I muttered "yep hobo killer" while huddled in the corner in the fetal position.
So"Writing" is off-topic and hobo-killing is "on topic"?
@Urthona: Correct. Our policy of who we hire as writers and why is off-topic. HObo killing and whether or not you and your significant other are both into it is directly related to the second question.