ASK…BATGIRL & ROBIN – 04.25.2011

Some call her "unsinkable." Most call him "unbearable." They're Batgirl Stephanie Brown and boy wonder Damian Wayne. And this week they've set aside their differences to respond to your queries. Simple enough: You submitted questions to Gotham's best and brightest via ask@ifanboy.com and now we've got the answers. 

 

For the sake of simplicity, my responses will appear in purple. — Stephanie

Mine in crimson. — Damian

Or, ya know, red.

*tt* 

I'm just now realizing this might be problematic for the color blind. For that, we apologize.

…on behalf of western medical professionals who failed you and functional society as your defects went untreated during gestation. Yes, absolutely, Brown. Our fault entirely. 

On second thought, telling us apart might not be that big of an issue. 

We do share a silhouette. 

First question!

 

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Dear Batgirl and Robin,

I am a younger brother to a guy who aced school. Teachers liked him, he was a star cross country athlete, and he had a tight group of friends. It was tough to enter situations where I was only known as being his brother and wasn't immediately seen as an independent person. Occasionally, I could tell that I was being sized up with my brother and was found wanting. Has anything similar happened to either of you in your current roles? How do you get over constantly being compared to the person who came before you?

Jeff Reid

 

I started my career as a "masked adventurer" (that's how they say it in the handbooks, right? Adventurer?) not as Batgirl, but as Robin. Okay, so I did my own thing for a while first, but that was family business and if you want to talk about ambitions of real vigilantism, that's kind of what I always had in mind. The red and green. Not only was I the first blonde Robin, I was also the first with fallopian tubes. In those days my youth, inexperience, and lack of literal cojones, made me a relatively unpopular candidate for the position, most especially with the large brooding guy keeping tabs on me from the neighboring gargoyle. In recent years, recruitment policy has become considerably lax–

It is my birthright! 

— but, I digress. Living up to previous Robins (redheaded psycho children excepted)–

We are not supposed to–

–was undeniably daunting. But such fears were quickly replaced with more pressing concerns like not dying or not being murdered or aiming the bat hook properly during nocturnal chases. In the rain. Or the snow. Or when the desired ninja assassin target is not clad in neon. My tenure as Robin was short lived. As for the next item on my CV–

Which stands for…?

…Seriously? 

I know. But do you know wh–

It means curriculum vitae, Petri Dish Lad. 

Anyway. 

Anyway. My next gig–Spoiler alert–didn't require nearly so much agonizing because I was my own agent again. No legacy to speak of. Any achievements were my own and not feats to be weighed against the accomplishments of those that came before me. 

Achievements? 

I have clippings! Most of which feature at least my full torso and not just an elbow just in frame as Tim cradles a baby rescued from a burning…My next thing was as Batgirl. So now I'm a legacy again. And I'm proud not just of being the first blonde Batgirl or the first with purple inner arm pads or to have a pod-bike thing. But because I'm the next in a line of very strong women. I'm proud of the Batgirls who came before me and I'm proud of the Robins who came before me too. I'm okay not being the first. I'm okay being the latest. And I totally have clippings. Many of them not under the headline "Murderer on Campus!" 

How does this relate at all to Mr. Reid's feelings of inadequacy? You just talked about yourself for a very long time. 

You're not alone, Jeff. And…you're probably totally awesome at something. Like building birdhouses. Or coming up with the best Mad Libs sheets. Or being a great friend and a great brother. 

You know no one likes the pod-bike thing, yes? 

 

 

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Batgirl & Robin,

As a high School teacher I’m confronted with the fact that lots of kids treat authority figures with less and less respect and are more engaged with their phones and iPods then with their classes. As members of the younger generation, what do you think I should do to more fully engage students in classes.

Thanks

Darin Goke aka D

 

If I didn't pay adequate attention to my tutors, I was transported to a remote wooded location, ostensibly abandoned and tasked with finding my way back to my mother's encampment. For lesser offenses I was rapped about the ankles with a kendo stick. 

And look how our little gentleman has turned out so far. 

Have you considered that your lessons are not worthy of these students' attention? One of these children might have a predetermined role more glorious than anything gleaned from your social studies egg experiments or multiplication tables. 

Is that what you think teenagers learn in high school?

I tend to imagine whatever I would have been learning at eighteen months and then water it down and add bright colors and safety scissors to account for the mouth-breathers. 

How do you even know about egg experiments? Other than your own turkey baster conception. 

Grayson records episodes of Boy Meets World and forces me to watch them as we work on our trust improvisations in the gymnasium. I try to tune them out but–

Trust improvi…god, to sleep over in that house….

Stop attempting to invite yourself to the Manor. You're not even supposed to be on this continent. Father enrolled you in an English boarding–

And I am not having that malarkey. I am not. I have a Netflix subscription and weekly ping pong dates. I am not uprooting myself and–

Teach them Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu instead of calculus, Mr. Gokeakad. If they continue responding to text messages, you can retaliate by kicking them in the cervical vertebrae. It will be part of the lesson. That is my advice as a well adjusted adolescent who does not own a phone despite the allowance to do so. 

 

 

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Dear Batgirl and Robin,

What are your thoughts on workplace romances? Can they work? Are they inherently a bad idea? As two young people dedicated to their crime-fighting careers, I'd think you would both have some special insight into this question.

Thanks,

Dan Faust

 

To start, I have witnessed Brown canoodling with Drake and it is never not inappropriate. 

For you to have been lurking there. Next question. 

Team members or "warrior allies"–I refuse to encourage the misconception that we are a family group–should not engage in dalliances. It is a distraction. 

It could alleviate distractions…

Don't be crass. 

How was I crass?

You said alleviate.

Go on.

I won't. 

Because you have no idea what you're talking about because you're ten and it's none of your business anyway.

I do calisthenics in that room and–

And?

I don't like to think about your biological– 

You think about my biological anything? First off. Do not. Secondly. Buster Brown. I am telling your dad. 

That is not a conversation you would want to have. 

Because he is Batman. So I won't. At all. Ever. But. Do not. About my biology. 

I do not find you attractive. 

Because you don't find anyone attractive since you're ten and you're a chemically-engineered demonic Mark Zuckerberg pseudo-person. 

We can say that's the reason. 

 

                                                                                

 

 

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Stephanie,

Damian has only been Robin for a relatively small amount of time, but it's been a lot longer than when you were Robin. Do you feel that people have forgotten your time as Robin? Do you wish they had a fonder memory of when you wore the green, red, and yellow? Has Damian outshone your past?

Ffej Dier

 

This is an anagram. I deduced you were previous poster "Jeff Reid" before Brown stumbled her way through the first sentence. 

Well done there, Poirot. 

Hercule Poirot did not engage in cryptogram mysteries. A better analogy would have–

When during your four years of evil assassin training did you find the time to read Agatha Christie? 

Father often referenced her work during field missions or briefings, and wanting to take part in those discussions I digitized her complete catalog from the Wayne libra–

That's almost kind of sweet. Or it is sweet. It's a little bit darling. Daddy's boy. 

May I continue? 

Have at it. Though this is technically a question for me. 

I think I would have a firmer understanding of my place in the hierarchy of Robins. Being that I am the first legitimate one. 

You are by definition illegitimate. 

It is my birthright to–

Robins have become Robins by trying to steal hubcaps from the Batmobile. Blood has very little to do with it. Dick is carny folk. 

As I frequently remind him. 

And he's proud of that. And it does nothing to take away from his stature as–

Do not say it. 

As Robin or as Batman. You know, we have a lot in common, Dick and me. He started as a Robin. Went off on his own as Nightwing. Then became the ultimate legacy hero as Batman. You should, you know, not look down on the guy so much. 

He serves his purpose. 

Until you can reach the high shelves. Right. So how was I as Robin? 

I don't have enough information to answer that. 

Because you were, what, five? Six? 

Because you have a very slim file in the database. So to speak. Not many KBs of data. 

I'm in the database? I guess I knew that. 

All I can say with any real certainty is that I have eclipsed you wholly and entirely as Robin. 

I'm a better Batgirl than you'll ever be, Mister Man. 

I'll have to live with that. 

Darn tootin'. 

 

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Next week's guest panelist? Post-Coital Thor! 

                                                                                                                      

 

Submit your questions to Post-Coital Thor to ask@ifanboy.com by Thursday at midnight EST, and he may get around to texting us back next week!