200 Words with Paul Dini #49 – Dentist

February 10, 2009




I stupidly left my snore guard where Mugsy could chaw it, as nothing says “Yum” to a Boston terrier like two pieces of stinky plastic that spend each night in a human’s mouth. So now I am at my dentist’s with my teeth stuck in plastic gunk as Doc takes impressions for a new set. Torquemada tells me to relax – impossible considering his audio selections. Every dentist must subscribe to a special radio station that endlessly plays only three songs: “For All We Know”, “Longfellow Serenade” and “I Write The Songs.” Torture.

The drone of the muzak zonks me and I doze. I find myself in a strange room where every object has been sliced in two. A hysterical curly-haired man accuses me of stealing some kind of beverage and further screams that I have lost and will get nothing. Wacky.

“And we’re done.” I wake as Doc cracks the mold out of my mouth. I blerg out the last hunks of plastic and make a mental note not to swipe any more cute catch words from Tina Fey. As I exit, the happy receptionist hands me a bill for twelve hundred dollars.





Paul Dini is the Emmy and Eisner Award winning writer of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, Detective Comics, Countdown among many, many other things. You can find him online at either kingofbreakfast.livejournal.com or http://www.jinglebelle.com/.


  1. It could be worse, Paul. For example, I’ve never even seen twelve hundred dollars.

  2. The dentist that showed Tom & Jerry cartoons in a loop was in some back alley in Jerusalem, but he left the place some years ago, so it’s either music or nothing.

  3. I’ve found that my Ipod has made going to the dentist a much better musical experience and prevents him from pausing here and there to ask me inane questions that having nothing to do with my teeth. 

  4. As a dentist I can tell Paul, unless his guard was made of adamantium..he was robbed!! As far as his music comment…we play only the 80’s greatest hits at my office and loop the Superfriends in the waiting area!!!

  5. Weeeiird. As I read whatever music they were piping into your office, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies started belting "I Write the Songs" through my headphones. Weeiirrd.

  6. My dentist does not play music.  Instead we fill the silence with the honking of my answers to his questions as tools clean my mouth.

  7. My dentist actually lets you wear this cool visor thingy that is hooked up to a DVD player so you can bring your own entertainment.  He won’t let me watch The Simpsons any more after I bit him during a guffaw.

  8. The dentist in my office is very sexy and amusing.  Everybody wants him.*

    *I’m the dentist in my office.

  9. When I graduate as a dentist, I’m going to have actual music playing, graphic novels in the waiting room and some sort of plasma screen on the ceiling (constant rotation of Batman TAS). Of course, this all hinges on me passing my exam tomorrow. Wish me luck iFanbase, and maybe this magical place will exist.

  10. Good luck rob

  11. Heh.  The use of ‘blerg’ made me laugh.  One of my new favorite words of the past couple years.

  12. Seems there are many comic fan dentists on this site.

  13. @SilentRob – Written boards?  Ah, non-good times.  Good luck!

  14. Heh. This story is only funnier when you can actually hear Paul’s voice in your head telling it.