200 Words with Paul Dini #39 – It’s Not Too Late!

November 13, 2008

 

“It’s Not Too Late!”

 

Those were the words screaming out to me from the eighteen holiday catalogues wedged into the mail slot yesterday here at Castle Dinistein. With only forty days to go until Christmas, I dropped everything to peruse this season’s offerings.

First up is my favorite outdoorsy menswear catalogue, CLOTHES THAT LOOK GREAT IN OUR BOOK BUT LIKE ASS WHEN THEY’RE ON YOU. Proof that it takes more than a khaki shirt and a crushable fedora to turn an ordinary schlub into Indiana Jones. And unless you’re working a cattle station on the Nullarbor Plain, no human being should wear a duster. Yes, that means you, Mr. Highlander Fan.

THE LOGGERY – Offers many varieties of food in tasty log form – beef log, pork log, cheese log, fudge log, or their Log Supreme, a combination of all four. I’m not a fan of logged food, and other than Woody Woodpecker, I don’t know anyone who is.

DARQUE GYFTINGS – Searching for a cheery limestone garden Baphomet for that hard to shop for Goth? Look no further. Also, a wide assortment of metal finger claws in festive red and green.

JIM-BOB’S RATTLE-STEAKS – Reptiles so tasty they think they’re filet.

No, just, God no.

 


Paul Dini is the Emmy and Eisner Award winning writer of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, Detective Comics, Countdown among many, many other things. You can find him online at either kingofbreakfast.livejournal.com or http://www.jinglebelle.com/.

Comments

  1. I’m not a fan of logged food either but I do love staring at it and wondering why somebody made it.

  2. I would be willing to try the fudge log.  And, as embarrassed as I am to say this…I would try the cheese log if someone left crackers next to it

  3. My only hope is that the fudge log doesn’t have nuts it.  Oh boy, would that be unappetizing.

  4. Is there some sort of internet award we can give out for "Darque Gyftings?"

    Because there damned well should be.

  5. Zing duster kids! 

    If you’d written this when I was in junior high or high school, that comment coming out of one of the genuises behind Batman: The Animated Series would have sent more than a few people I knew up a stool with some rope. 

    Not going to lie, that scenario appeals to me.  

  6. Once at a breakfast buffet, I thought I was getting a large chunk of ham. As I bit into it I realized (too late) that it was really cut from a SPAM-log.

    Goodbye appetite. 

  7. finally i know where i can go for gifts for at least two of my cousins…