200 Words with Paul Dini #11 – A HOME FOR BITEY

April 24, 2008

We are lucky enough to have several fine friends who run services for abandoned pets and personally shelter unwanted dogs while good homes are found for them. This is a noble pursuit, especially considering the unpredictable temperaments of some of the animals involved. This forces our friends to be somewhat creative when drafting messages extolling the virtues of said pet to interested potential owners. For example…

Needed: permanent home for amazing animal. Are you a kindly soul with a sense of humor, current tetanus shots and a strong right hook? Then Bitey could be the pet for you. A spirited bull terrier/wolf/gorilla mix, Bitey is a wily prankster full of pep and not recommended for families with young children, old people, or other individuals who can’t run fast. A devoted companion, Bitey will follow your every move, often surprising you with exuberant displays of attention, usually from behind. At home security Bitey is unsurpassed, burglars take one look at him and flee, along with most letter carriers and delivery people.

Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity, especially as the rest of Bitey’s kind has gone extinct. Please open your heart to Bitey before he opens it for you. 


Paul Dini is the Emmy and Eisner Award winning writer of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series,Detective Comics, Countdown among many, many other things. You can find him online at either kingofbreakfast.livejournal.com or http://www.jinglebelle.com/.


  1. Is sad but true, i never had a dog or any pet.

    Maybe Bitey is for me.

  2. That was wicked funny.

  3. I’m reminded of Homer Simpsons wisdom

    "I call the big one bitey"

  4. I think this is my favorite one so far.

  5. Damn!  Now Dini’s throwing heat!

  6. HAHA….I love this column, and I genuinly look forward to it every week. Thank you

  7. Hysterical!

    My current dog is an adoption. She is a Husky/Akita mix, and was found when someone threw her from a moving vehicle! I remember the first hour after the adoption agency people left. I had dog treats in one hand and a broomstick nearby just in case this Cute fuzzy Banner, turned into a ravenous 95 pound Hulkdog.

    Luckily she is the best, devoted, and obedient dog I ever had now after 9 years.  🙂 


  8. Lemme call my man Mike, in Atlanta. He’s always lookin’ for dogs. And dog-sized water tanks. Got any water tanks?

  9. bull terrier/wolf/gorilla mix  I’m sold!

  10. Incredible.  Just great.

  11. This is great post. This reminds me of i use to have dog. Now i have a cat.

  12. And don’t forget Homer’s beloved lobster: "Pinchy."

  13. I’m guessing Bitey shouldn’t sleep in the bed…

  14. "… or other individuals who can’t run fast."  haha. I’ll be looking forward to next week! Hilarious. 

  15. This is just what I need… How much for it?

  16. If Bitey is cuter than my wall-chewing, bald-head-licking Yorkie, then I want to talk about a trade.