COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Edwin Jarvis

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation:

NAME: Edwin Jarvis

 

OCCUPATION: Butler

 

EMPLOYED BY: The Avengers Mansion

 

EVALUATED BY: Lynn Belvedere

 

Journal Entry, 5/7/12

My friend Jarvis
Today I thought of a friend who had not crossed my mind in some time. I don’t think I have ever mentioned him in the journal before which is a crime. He and I served as friends, colleagues and pen pals for several years. His name is Edwin Jarvis. We first met at a Gentleman’s Gentleman Convention in 1973.  I was out on the green with several other male servants  preparing to play a riveting game of Bocci Ball and a good friend of ours, Wadsworth, had fallen ill due to a poor choice of shellfish. Enter Edwin Jarvis. We all played Bocci Ball and drank brandy the rest of the afternoon.

A Butler is discreet
That night several of us sat around smoking cigars and discussing butler-hood. Arguments arose about which cutlery is appropriate for eating tiramisu and whether or not Agatha Christie is a genius or a pox on our kind. Things started to go down the path of our employers and we drunkenly shared stories of them with each other. Jarvis remained very quiet during this time. We told him that he could confide in us, well a few sips of scotch got it out of him. He was the butler to the Avengers. This impressed everyone and nobody was interested in my stories of having to tend to young Wesley afterwards.

A Butler goes above and beyond
Jarvis and I remained friends via the art of letter writing. The things this man went through in service to his masters were extraordinary. He has had to deal with hooligans and villains on a regular basis. He has been attacked by such disgusting characters like Mr. Hyde, Doctor Doom and Loki all while managing to have dinner on the table no later than seven. He also must clean up after Wolverine and Beast. Can you imagine constantly cleaning blue hairs out of the drain? Throwing away or empty cans of lite beer? Makes cleaning up after young Wesley sound like a dream.

A Butler is loyal
I have pledged an allegiance only twice in my life. Once for my queen and another to the Owen household. Edwin Jarvis has also pledged a similar allegiance to Tony Stark and the Avengers. The man could have any job in the service industry he wants.  I know of several politicians and business men who would kill to have him. Instead he has worked for the Avengers for decades. Even though that Mansion get’s blown to bits every five minutes, he continues to work hard for them. The lord knows that I would be out of there the minute the Hulk showed up. I detest loud things.

Final Reflections
Jarvis has the hardest job in the world. Constantly cleaning up after soldiers, mutants, monsters and demi-gods. I just clean up after one little monster, Wesley. Godspeed to you Jarvis, you marvelous beast. I hope to hear from him soon. I have not received any correspondence since right before that Skrull invasion.

Employee’s Thoughts
To do list: wax the Iron Man suit, clean Steve’s exercise equipment, feed Hulk, re-adjust Thor’s lightening rod on the roof, change oil in the Quinjet and the Vision, brush all the Tigra hair out of the couch, clean Hank’s ant farm, get everyone to sign and send birthday card for She-Hulk, finally get around to putting up a picture of Jack of Hearts in the hall of fame…oh that can wait, call Wonder Man, make sure he is okay, feed Hulk again and get that Cookies and Cream ice cream Black Panther likes so much. Then, then I can finally go on vacation.

 


Timmy Wood can sing the entire theme song to Mr. Belvedere and does so often! He is also on twitter. Follow him and you could win big big prizes! (The prize is friendship)

Comments

  1. mrlogical mrlogical says:

    Well done. I recommend reading with the theme song bouncing around your head.

    I originally read Mr. Belvedere as Mr. Belding (thanks, Mad Men), which prompted the realization that Mr. Belding really needs to let us know how Principal John Siuntres of Ultimate Spider-man is doing. Bayside High never got attacked by supervillains…

  2. RobotZombie RobotZombie says:

    “change oil in the Quinjet and the Vision” made me laugh out loud

  3. CaseyJustice CaseyJustice says:

    The mightiest Avenger.

  4. mickmac59 mickmac59 says:

    Before Agent Coulson there was Jarvis. Nice job, Timmy!

  5. Jeeves > Jarvis

    I always thought Jarvis was the best butler in comics. Suck it, Alfred!

  6. Selfstyler Selfstyler says:

    Who would you have cast as Jarvis had he not been a disemboided computer program in the cinematic Universe?

  7. You know what was a great Jarvis story? The epilogue to the story (Under Siege?) where the MAsters of Evil destroyed Avengers Mansion and beat Thor into a coma. Jarvis had been tied up and beaten by Mr. Hyde in front of Captain America, and while recuperating in the hospital, he thought of all the times his life had been in danger, and how much he had suffered from Hyde’s beating. He didn’t know if he could continue as the Avengers butler after the severe beating he had endured. It was a great, great issue.