Look, I am as big a Bendis fanboy as if I was an overpaid “graphic designer” filthy stinking hipster scumbag that buys Apple products “Because they’re better for doing graphic design and Microsoft is evil and they don’t get viruses fap fap fap fap fap fap”. I will forgive Bendis for many sins. But this book? This book? Fuck this book in the face with hammers that have been shot from a hammer cannon that are also on fire and oh yeah sharks too. Sharks with AIDS. I have been robbed at gunpoint twice, and I didn’t feel as ripped off and miserable those times as I did after reading this. I want my damn money back. I could have gone to IHOP and had some pancakes for that five bucks. I was conned. Conned out of pancakes. The worst kind of con possible.

Wonder Man bullet points pretty much everything Bendis has written over the past decade, and bitches about it like he has sand in his vagina and is also on his period and forgot to refill his valtrex prescription and ran out of gas on his way to work. Then he gets some D-Listers together and somehow wrecks the New Avengers faces to progress the story even though Luke Cage normally could have beaten all of them with one hand tied behind his back and changing his kids diaper with the other. Jessica Jones says “nookie” a few times like it’s 1999 and she just bought Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other. Doctor Strange pretend set someone on fire. Spider Man complained. This book sucked.

Story: One. The oneiest one that was ever a one in the history of the number one.
Art: You guys watch Louie? Louie is a funny show. There was an episode where he was trying to take this black chick out, and failing miserably as is his life. They’re walking down the sidewalk and he’s not getting the hint, and there is vomit on the sidewalk. He says “Oh, watch out for that vomit. Or diarrhea. Or someone ate diarrhea and vomited it back out.” The art in this book is that scene. You could replace every panel in the book with the pictures here, and no one could ever tell the difference. http://blogs.sacbee.com/photos/2010/07/the-boryeong-mud-festival.html