Tuesday Showdown: Batgirl vs. Spider-Woman

Batgirl vs. Spider-Woman

"She's zapping at me now. Like she's been running around in her socks."

"Yeah, there's some interference over the channel. You sound like a Decepticon."

"Not so concerned with our call quality, Proxy."

"But then how would you know what to do, Steph? Waggle your left hand real quick."

"Okay."

"Alright, good."

"Why did I need to do that?"

"I wanted to see if you knew left from right without me talking in your ear."

"Glorified GPS."

"Pawn." 

"Do we know what this chick is zapping me with?"

"We don't have an app for that. I can tell you she's human and doesn't have a fever. I can tell you her costume's cooler than yours."

"She's spider-themed. Spiders aren't supposed to zap. Crud. There goes my cape."

"Oh, it's bioelectricity. She calls them venom blasts."

"I thought we didn't have an app for that."

"We don't. Wikipedia. Oh, and poisons won't work on her, probably."

"I really wasn't going to try poison, Prox."

"Just saying."

"Have you tried evasive maneuvers?"

"What, zigging and zagging? Kind of instinctual."

"It's just something Babs said once."

"Babs would have an app for this."

"Babs should've let me install UNIX, and then I'd have made one."

"Is she English or something? She's yelling at me in a Madonna voice."

"One page says she was born in England and another says Wundagore."

"What's Wundagore?"

"It's in Transia. Which doesn't exist."

"Like after the Soviet Union?"

"Like ever."

"Multiverses are weird. My Poly Sci class is ridiculous. My professor assigned us the 85th edition of the text book and I could only find the 83rd. But he said the 83rd was close enough, just so long as it wasn't the 84th, which…WOULD YOU STOP ZAPPING ME, BITCH?!

"I didn't zap you!"

"I was talking to Spider-Hag."

"Wait. Does she look like she could be a skrull to you?"

"What's a skrull?"

"Working on it."

 

Batgirl vs. Spider-Woman

Who wins?

Show your work!

 

Special thanks to Dominick (countblackula) for providing our artwork this week! 

Comments

  1. Love the rhythm of this piece, Paul. Nice little pitter patter going on there. Kudos!

  2. Jessica’s debilitating angst is no match for Stephanie’s spunk.  Until Wolverine shows up to back up his lady-friend, and Stephanie, like all perky girls in comic books everywhere, becomes Logan’s sidekick.  They all sort it out over a beer (Steph has a cream soda), and when Proxy gets grouchy over the intercom, Steph sets it next to Jessica’s iphone so that Wendy can argue with Agent Brand.  From a distance.

  3. Paul, you are an amazing writer. I’m really not sure who would win this one. I’m sort of biased towards Spider-Woman, but I’m not sure if she’s as resourceful as BG. 🙁

  4. "It’s in Transia. Which doesn’t exist." "Like after the Soviet Union?" "Like ever."

     Thank you for writing that exchange and cracking me up!

    And any member of the Bat-family beats Spider-Woman after that boring miniseries…before that, I might have answered differently.  Now you say Spider-Woman, I think whiny, pouty, dull…if Damian Wayne had called her fat, she’d probably have zapped him silly before going off to stare pensively into space some more. 

  5. Well, that’s a relief – Spider-Woman doesn’t have a fever. I was a little worried there for a minute.

  6. Totally awesome! I love it.

     GO STEPH! 

     

     

  7. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    When the book’s artist enters the thread, that’s an instant win. It’s at least worth 800 extra points. 

    Thanks, Lee!  

  8. Well, unless Alex Maleev shows up, I think we KNOW who wins.

  9. batgirl

  10. Batgirl all the way. Can you write an ongoing Batgirl book just for me, Paul?

  11. Batgirl is insulated and trained by the Batman. So Batgirl.

  12. Ah ha… An easy one: steph wins,…. Or do I mean Cassandra…. No sorry I meant Barbara, …. Hold on ;kathy? Alfred in a dress???? Screw it: Jessica wins. ( or is it the chick in black?? Or the one in red & blue????). Ok : draw !!!!! I give up!

  13. Despite the apparent spunk factor, Jessica would own Stephanie unlesh this fight was taking place in batgirl where they would have the inevitable superhero shuffle before teaming up for a common foe

  14. Great piece, Paul.  My money’s on Spider-Woman…

    But in Round Two, I would totally take Batwoman over Spider-Girl.