Top 5: Comic Book Mustaches

 

Rules: This is a mustache list. It is not a mustache-with-beard list. Goatees don’t count either.

5. Omni-Man

Omni-Man, or Nolan Grayson as he’s known on Earth, is the holder of the flame as far as modern comic characters go. No one else introduced in the last decade has even come close to keeping the ‘stache alive like Invincible’s daddy. But at the same time, he is no trendsetter. The Viltrumite race can’t even help themselves from growing out their upper lips. They’re like an army of angry, really strong dads. Except the ladies. They do not have mustaches. That we know about so far.

 

4. Sinestro

Evil yes, and a clown suit as well for a long while. But Sinestro is committed to his face foliage. He doesn’t overdo it. Sinestro knows he’s evil, and he rolls with the silent movie evil guy mustache like it’s his sacred duty. That mustache tells you everything you need to know about him, just like it should.

 

3. General Thunderbolt Ross

I have a feeling that Thad Ross’ mustache could be used to sand hardwood if you could get him to hold still. The only thing it can’t stand up to is gamma induced transformation. But when the Red Hulk recedes, there it is, faithful and brushy as always. That mustache will never forgive Banner, no matter what.

 

2. Jim Gordon

A real police has a real mustache. Jim Gordon is real police. You’ll note that Gordon has looked exactly the same for decades and decades, but has never looked at all anachronistic. Classic.

 

1. J. Jonah Jameson 

Near as I can tell, Jameson is the only character in popular culture to successfully carry on with the Hitler mustache for as long as he has. And now, you hardly think about Hitler at all when you see him. Yet it is also part of him. Can you imagine J. Jonah without that mustache? It would be a different guy. And no one wants a different guy.

Comments

  1. How was Dum Dum Duggan excluded from this list?  He has one of the most powerful ‘staches in all of comicdom!

  2. I’ve always liked Gordon’s.  It fits the character perfectly.

  3. I also like that this post has rules listed.  Maybe they all should?

  4. I had just a moustache once, it didn’t even come close to anyone on this amazing list.

    @nuckolhead while Dum Dum has a great stache, It’s not the first thing i think of when I picture him; i see his bowler hat before his stache.

  5. PS, i saw a woman with a mustache the other day and I really wanted to ask her why she didn’t get rid of it, but i thought that would have been inappropriate.

  6. Dr. Strange?

  7. Fantastically manly list.

  8. Can’t think about mustaches without thinking of Super Troopers.

  9. It was a tough list. There were choices that had to be made, and they weren’t easy ones. I stand by it.

  10. No love for ze Batroc? Je suis indigné!

  11. @RobotZombie  Zoot alors!  I came in here looking for ZE LEPAIR but I left disappointed. 

  12. Nailed it.  Now I wonder who are the Top 5 characters in comics who could pull off a moustache but have never had one before.

  13. I think Lobo gets an honorable mention. +1 to alien mustache.

  14. That’s a lotta mustache.

  15. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    My top 5: Steve Lombard of the Daily Planet, Lockjaw, Cesar Romero as Joker. And that’s it. 

  16. @RobotZombie  @BetaRayRyan  Read the rules, and check out a picture of Batroc.

  17. Before reading this list, I don’t think I could have named 3 characters with staches.  Now, I know that the comic world is rife with them. 

  18. I prefer to think of J.J.J. as having a friendly Charlie Chaplin mustache as opposed to an evil Hitler ‘stache. Legend has it that Hitler even modelled his infamous upper lip hair style after Chaplin’s in order to appear more personable. It may not be true, but it makes for a helluva ‘stache story.

    @Josh: Great list! 

  19. Dr. Strange’s old porno mustache was fantastic

  20. I gotta agree about Dr. Strange. His current goatee cannot invalidate his past mustache dominance. And no love for The Comedian? Leader? Griping aside, this list is great.

  21. Actually, Dr. Strange just didn’t make the list.

    SHOCK!

  22. I think you could have used a better Gordon picture that really shows off his amazing lip ornament. That one just makes him look so homely compared to the rest.

  23. @drakedangerz  Mazzucchelli. Haggard. Yes.

  24. This was an awesome article to read as I start my day.

  25. @josh  damn it…I am ashamed. 

  26. Paul, re: Lockjaw.  🙂 

  27. Remember when Dr. Strange changed his moustache for Clea…I feel all squishy inside just thinking about it…

    And yea, Cesar Romero.  Nice call.  That weirded me out bad as a kid.

  28. dooood what about axe cop?

  29. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    He makes a valid point, Josh. 

  30. @PaulMontgomery  @lillgumdrop  You do this list again in 5 years, and who knows where we’ll be. I can’t be sure Axe Cop is not a flash in the pan. I just can’t.

  31. @josh  My apologies. The reading of rules (and fine print unfortunately) has always been my downfall. In my defense I am barely aware that Batroc has a beard because that sweet mustache is so awesome.

  32. Bruce Wayne’s from The Dark Knight Returns was pretty good.

    It did make Bruce look a lot like Jim Gordon, and his shaving of it was that symbolic proclamation of Batmans return. It was a powerful mustache in comics moment!

  33. Here’s a picture of that powerful Wayne mustache from The Dark Knight Returns.

    http://i53.tinypic.com/2me6byv.jpg

  34. This list is displaying upside down for some reason, no way Omni-Man wouldn’t be number one. No way.

  35. @PsychoJudgeDredd   There is a strong case here for Omni-Man, since he comes from a race of mustache dudes.  All we now need is a Samson like moment in which shaving Viltrumite’s mustaches results in a lost of super-powers.  Then Josh would most definitely have to redo this list.

  36. This article just reinforces why I come to this website like 50 times a day. Josh is the fucking man!

  37. @PsychoJudgeDredd  He’s a newcomer. He’s got no legacy.

  38. Why didn’t they get John Waters to play Sinestro? I just don’t get Hollywood.

  39. Always hated Sinesto’s stache. It just makes him look..creepy O.o