What’s with the Opinion?

I've been thinking a bit about how, well, personally some of us tend to take things, particularly, in this case, about comics and comic book "like" forms of media, whether it be fantasy books, science fiction TV shows, or the latest flick from our pals at Marvel. Now this doesn't happen all the time, but often, when I get the question, "What are you reading?" or "What do you recommend?" it can turn into a fairly tenuous moment. (And yes, I am overthinking this, but I am doing it for the piece, okay? I'm not this neurotic normally, really!) Instead of an easy conversation about comics, it can (seemingly) become a tactical discourse on just how "cool" the other person really is. Let's go with the latter question first.

Now that the summer movie season has begun, I have had quite a few people ask me what I think about Thor and I get a whole series of questions about whether or not "it's like the book," which is kind of a whole other minefield, because then you have to get into the what "flavor" of Thor we are talking about, which then reveals me as "someone who cares about this stuff" and my questioner either nods and backs away, or asks me, "You like comics, huh? Which ones do you think I should read?"

 

And instantly I become–we all become–the VOICE OF COMICS, where we have milliseconds to gather everything we know about this person, go through the stuff that we feel we can talk about with some authority, and come up with a custom playlist of comics that we think that our newfound friend would enjoy, complete with the trade paperback caveat "they're cheaper/you can find them at the library." Then, depending on the response, we go for it, we just rock the "well, if you are really interested, you should know about Fear Itself/Whatever is Going on With X-Men/You Really Don't Need to Read Superman Right Now installments.  

 

We're good at this. We're used to it–heck, we're excited that someone's asking us to talk about it! Oh, sure, we have to tailor our list a bit, but at least we know that the person asking is interested in learning about comics, coming in with an open mind, and what's best, they're asking you for help! If you have been on this site any length of time and have been listening to the podcast, you are more than ready for this situation!

 

But the dynamics can change when you meet another comic book fan. If you meet another comic book fan, and you get the, "Yeah, I read comics, too–what are you reading?"  question from someone you don't know all that well, you have to prepare yourself that you may be talking to someone who is in the "if you read something I don't like, I am going to judge you as a person" category.  Yes, it's insane, but you know it happens–and you may even be in that mindset once in awhile.  

 

Why does this happen?  Why do we care so much about what other people think of our opinions?  Oh, I know some of you are reading this, shaking your head, going "Pfft, I don't care what other people think, they can eat it!" –I think we all want to feel that way, right?  No one wants to admit that validation feels good. For whatever reason, at least in the U.S., the idea of getting pleasure from someone else's judgement of something about you is considered kind of "weak," in a way.  "Who cares what other people think?" tends to be this odd proof of independence.  

 

Somewhat related is the whole "I must teach people the error of their ways" frame of mind, the "you don't really know how good this is, so I am going to make sure you know how good it is even though you have told me you are not into it" way of recommending. I admit it, I used to be that way with music (this kind of discussion is applicable to any time you share an opinion) I was so confident that my music was "better", that I would try to get other people to listen to it and help them understand why it was so good. Now, honestly, I don't care what people think about the music I listen to, I really don't–probably because I am at the age where my being "cool" to the folks who truly care about "cool" won't let me into their club in the first place!  

 

What is it about an opinion?  Why does sharing an opinion have the potential to get so frustrating?  I figure that my point of view is the result of my experiences, the result of many, many years of honing, of filtering, of discarding and absorbing different ideas and emotions. When I recommend a piece of music or a book, I am saying, in a way, "this is the kind of story that makes me feel something."  That this piece of music makes me remember being in high school with my friends, or this painting makes me remember the moment when I really understood that I would never be a real artist. 

 

Our opinions are, in many ways, are autobiographies, and the sharing of them can bring about this very real sense of being vulnerable. When we plan that date, with a home cooked meal and the equally important home cooked soundtrack, we are sharing a part of ourselves with a person we hope will want to care about us.  Back in the day, of course, the soundtrack was a manual labor: the mix tape was communique made in real time, magnetic tape imbued with emotion and hope. You were doing a fair amount of work to express that opinion, to manufacture it in a way that you hoped would stick around for years, not tossed into the garbage after a particularly nasty argument.

Of course, sharing opinions is really just the most basic way of building relationships, and I think we get better at building relationships as we go through life, as we learn that diversity of opinion is something to be valued, rather than something to be suspicious of. I really enjoy talking with friends about comics and movies that we both enjoy, I love finding the aspects of a story or takes on a character to discuss, to celebrate. I admit it, I used to feel a bit defensive when I would offer an opinion about something being "cool" only to have other people deride that position, that some other version of that song or some other creator's take on a character was more successful, or intriguing, or unique, or just, somehow, "better." I would nod and mumble some kind of excuse for what I was into and just sort of assume that the other people knew something that I didn't and just go from there.  

 

But now, when I say that I liked something and someone else says, "How could you like it? That totally sucked!" I am almost aggressively happy to figure out why they would say that, to overcome that feeling of defensiveness and embrace the other person's point of view–I realize now that their hating something doesn't mean anything else other than they didn't like whatever it was! It's not about not caring what people think–it's about enjoying the fact that people think differently!  So, I admit–I do care what other people think, I realize this, but I am trying to channel that feeling into an impetus to explore the difference of an opinion in a fun, engaging way.

 

It is not always easy, sure, but I find myself less…I dunno, to say "worried" or "anxious" is to overstate it, but I find myself thinking less that I won't look smart or cool or artistic or whatever, when I talk about what books I like, or what TV shows I watch. If someone wants to judge me in a negative light because of the media I consume, that's totally fine–I can't guarantee we'll have a great conversation, but I'm okay with that. 

 

We are living in a time where fans like ourselves have a plethora of movies, comics and TV shows that appeal to the inner 11 year old in us. And, at times, it's really easy to fall back into that 11-year-old state of mind. It is also equally tempting to discount our love of this kind of content because it's kind of nerdy, it's not all that cool–whatever excuse we're used to making. But the fact of the matter is that there are all of these kinds of stories out there precisely because there is a large segment of the world's population that thinks movies like Thor are cool, that TV shows like The Walking Dead are pretty awesome. If anything we  are the arbiters of this new "cool," right?

 

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you know what I mean.

 

Our lives, our stories, help us find out opinions and our points of view.  Too often, especially when we've been into "it" for awhile, bring a little too much judgement with us when we engage people who enjoy different things. Sites like iFanboy allow us to have real, engaging conversations that celebrate these stories and mediums.  I hope we can bring this optimistic engagement with people who are different, ideas that challenge, to other facets of our lives.

 


Mike Romo apparently thought a lot about stuff while rafting this past weekend. He can be emailed, you can follow him on twitter, and he got a facebook page, too.

Comments

  1. I have considered myself an arbiter of cool for quite some time.

    I’ve had the “Is Thor true to the comic?” question, too.  I’m not a big Thor reader, so I generally say it’s faithful in macro, if not in micro.  When I get the occasional followup discussion and the rare “What should I read if I want to try comics?” question I’ve been guiding people to Daytrippers.  It does some things that highlight the medium’s best qualities, while still being extremely engaging and potentially quite personal.

  2. Very well written article, Mike. What’s interesting is that the comments that follow this article are going to relate in some way about opinions about opinions and really demonstrate how arbitrary an opinion can be, but also how important one person’s opinion can be, and can help elevate any piece of work (Oprah’s book club for example), or another opinion. 

  3. Really well said, Mike!  kind of reminds me of the whole “it’s not what you’re like, it what you like” argument in High Fidelity.

  4. I tend to guide people to Fables.  I really can’t tell you how many people I have got hooked onto comics by introducing them to Fables.  The hook is that these are characters that most people already know, so if they pick up Fables vol. 1, they don’t need to know decades old continuity and already familiar with the cast. 

  5. Deadpool fans Mike. They truly do not give a shit what other people think about what they read. They must not, after all, I can’t think of anyone who finds themselves under more fire than they do, and yet I don’t think I have ever heard them truly and seriously defend themselves. Any criticisms are typically met with a resounding “whatever, I like it”. So good for them.

    I used to regard Deadpool fans as the lowest of the low, but I think I’ve arrived at a new position on them. They actually say they like something. There are tons of readers out there (some on this very site), who only acknowledge that which they dislike.

    There was one user in particular who posted repeatedly about his dislike for a book on that very book’s Pick of the Week page! What purpose does that serve? That would be llike an office birthday party where everyone can clearly hear the party going on if they stand outside the door and can see cake being served throught the glass walls of the conference room, and Trevor from Human Resources pokes his head in to say “Parties suck, there’s too much cake and smiling!” and then leaves.

    I can only assume that person was trying to talk people out of liking the book in question, since there is no other logical reason to behave that way. But shouldn’t we be doing the opposite of that?

  6. @ActualButt  I certainly know of reactionary Deadpool fans.

  7. @ActualButt  Or, they just didn’t like that particular issue.

  8. Opinions, or likes and dislikes, produce odd reactions to things we are not even truely connected to, sometimes. For example:

    My dad used to give my sister a hard time for not liking Ketchup. “How can you not like ketchup? Everyone likes ketchup,” he would say with frustration. At first I agreed since I liked Ketchup and “I” was the only proof I needed that he was right, but then I started thinking…who cares if my sis doesn’t like ketchup? It isn’t as if my father invented ketchup and is now offended that his creation he slaved-over to perfect is now tossed to the side in disgust by his own flesh and blood. My dad had no connection to ketchup stock or a ketchup company. He didn’t grow tomatoes or love the film “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”…he simply liked the taste of ketchup.

    We later found out my sis didn’t like ketchup because when she was young she found a dead body in the park covered in blood. When my dad came over to grab her away from the body while she was crying my father told her, “don’t worry sweety…it’s only ketchup.”

    – Dom

  9. A lot of comics fans remind me of the guys from High Fidelity. “how can it be bullshit to state a preference!?!” There are certain books which a lot of people look down upon and others that are what you MUST read to be considered a serious comic reader. I don’t get it. Who cares? Its just comics. For me Comics are about fun. They bring me joy and give me some escapism from a crazy life. I think its awesome that there is enough variety out there for everyone.

    The judgemental-ness needs a reality check. There are lots of very well loved titles that i have tried and think are completely boring. They aren’t bad, its just not what i want. I’d never dare admit that on a site like this for fear of getting my ass handed to me digitally. Conversely, there are some light, goofty things that i know are not “good” comics, they are just stupid and silly and fun that i can find enjoyable. Its not a bad thing. 

    Be happy for a fellow comic reader who’s enjoying something. Stop being the high fidelity guy.

  10. conversely. Having an opinion means you care. But sometimes you can care to damn much. 

  11. @wallythegreenmonster  Love High Fidelity.  But yeah, it hits close to home.

    “Oh, that’s not obvious enough Rob. How about the Beatles? Or fucking… fucking Beethoven? Side one, Track one of the Fifth Symphony… How can someone with no interest in music own a record store?

    At the end of the day, I want to enjoy the comics I’m reading, movies I’m watching, music I’m listening to… some I like a lot, some not so much… expressing my dislike to people who don’t even care about the particular work or value my opinion is a waste of my energy.

  12. @dgazzuolo  Oh my god.

    Also: I’m totally stealing that story.

    😉

  13. @vadamowens  Full disclosure: The book in question was Chew #27 and the person’s entire post read “I’ve tried, but Chew does nothing for me. Don’t like the art and not a fan of the story”. Pointless.

  14. I’ve been on every side of this issue at some point in my life. Like Mike, I think my age has lead me to accept other people’s opinions on everything. However, I do still remain guarded about sharing my opinions in certain circles, not really because I don’t want to be judged, per se, but because I just don’t need the aggravation of getting sucked into an argument for no reason. I think there are segments of all fandom (comics, music, movies) that mistake being jaded for having good taste and that winds up leading to these types of arguments. Eventually, I think everyone grows out of it. . . I hope.

  15. I request an article about the understanding before the opinion.  Do we have the right to tell haters that they “don’t get it”? Or are comics like paintings; eye of the beholder, different POV, and all that.  In my opinion the way i see it, a lot of people hate without reason.  Or do i just not comprehend the reason, so i see it as nonexistent? 
    My second question being, how can you have an opinion if your not even reading the subject matter? Ex: I myself was saying that x-men sucks just a few months ago. BUT i was proven wrong when i tried out some xforce. 
    This is an ever changing medium, we can’t have opinions without dabbling in the unknown.  For all i know the Gotham city sirens could be knocking it out of the park right now, but when i read it over a year ago i hated it, so my opinion of “it must still suck” could be untrue to myself entirely, but i’d never know it. 

    moral of the story, read what you like, and don’t hate unless your giving it a chance.

  16. Great comments, guys! Thanks for taking the time to read the article and share your thoughts. @dgazzulo – insane story! does she still still not like ketchup?  What about catsup? 😉

    @actualbutt – that’s a great question. Why take the time and energy to actively just dump on someone else’s possible enjoyment? That kind of crap drives me crazy… 

  17. @dgazzuolo  –don’t ever let your dad get a real hot dog in Chicago. =)

  18. When non-comic readers ask me what they should read, I ask them what kinds of things they like in books, TV, and movies. Hard sci-fi? Action? Comedy? It helps to steer them in the right direction. I hate recommending something and being told later the person didn’t like it. So I want to try and recommend something they will like. Some people are just not interested in straight-up “super hero” books, but love something like Ex Machina, which has characters with powers in it.

    Among comic readers, it’s a different story. There is a degree of… snobbery? Some “You read that?” reactions among the less socially graceful (I haven’t researched any correlation between an affinity for comic books and Asperger’s). I tried to avoid taking a sideways glance at what other people are buying at the comic store – remember, follow the same rules you would at a public urinal.

  19. I never guard my opinions in front of the wrong sorts of people. I don’t shoehorn it in, but I quite often talk about comics at work, despite the fact that they are all proper Duane Benzies about it. So if someone asks what I did last night and I spent all night reading comics that’s what I’ll say. Or someone will be like “oh I heard you read comics” in a derisive tone I’ll just say yes and start talking about them as if everyone thinks they’re cool, whereas they all think comics are for kids and idiots, and rib me about it – only not like, in a loving way. 

    Water off a duck’s back however, and I’ll continue to talk about my opinions on comics when it comes up, because I am right, they are ignorant, and comics are awesome.

  20. @dgazzuolo  I head the same story except it was mustard. Go figure.

  21. @mikeromo This was a wonderful article Mr Romo. Pleasure to read 🙂

  22. My girlfriend does not like pizza, pasta and does not like the taste of any alcoholic drinks. You quickly learn people are not wrong for having a ridiculous set of tastes (an evil glare helps the learning process along speedily). I know myself I judge certain people. I like comics as a literary art form and only spend money on stuff I think has great art and great story and often look down on those who thought the bad-assness of the 90s was the peak of the comic medium. Then i realise, hey these guys are my buddies and also…they aint always wrong. I think to an extent there comes a time in the right scenarios when we will agree at least in part with some of what people say that we consider to be the antithesis to ‘our thing’.

    There is nothing wrong with a slugfest issue or a bendis/immomen quiet reflective issue of New Avengers. It takes balls to say what you like but more to say you can also like what others like now and then.

    On another note I love Cat-Beast (not by that artist Ill add) but for me non blue or cat beast are the best. just saying