WANT! – 08/18/2010

If we were criminals, we'd totally steal this stuff. But we're not criminals. If we were criminals, rest assured, we'd be like Robin Hood. Not an exact copy. We'd only camp sporadically. We'd shower. Wear tights only sometimes. Wouldn't be anthropomorphic foxes. This metaphor is unraveling like the credibility of the monarchy. Down with John!

These screw-in coat-hangers double as screw-out ninja stars. Not recommended for those who engage in roommate-on-roommate domestic violence. If you are elderly, do not use these as loofa scrub hangy things in your shower. If you are an actual ninja…you probably already know what to do. And can I just say…you are so awesome. $13

You're a terrible wing-man, and you like it that way. When you're up in the club betraying all your friends and lovers, you want to smell your Bespin. So you're gonna need a dab of Eau Lando for men on all four cheeks. Swap out that late afternoon ugnaught musk for the scent of lotus flowers, dark violet, and exotic woods. Only true hustlers and smugglers need apply. Liberally.  $40.

We can probably draw a direct line from Furry eroticism to Thundercats, but then again the Banana Splits have a lot to answer for too. Fact is, Thundercats is more compelling than Transformers, GI Joe, and Dinosaucers combined. Feel the magic. Hear the roar. With this charming Lion-O statue. The guy's sword is like Google Maps Street-View. Everybody else can go home. $180. 

Every young boy dreams of becoming Wonder Woman when they grow up. Some girls probably do too. We should probably do a study. Anyways, now we can all pretend we're Wonder Woman with this Wonder Woman stuff replica thing set collection. It includes a tiara, bracers, and a 60-inch lasso of Truth on an Amazonian spool thing. We suggest hiding it in your bedroom in such a way that a new significant other might accidentally happen upon it. 

"What the shit?"

"Oh. I didn't know how to tell you."

"That you're some kind of freak?"

"That I defend justice. And am…of clay." 

"Oh my god. Becky was right."

"Yeah, well…who's Becky!?" 

$265