WANT! – 07/28/2010

Listen. I know materialism can really lead to ruin and heartbreak. You can't take it with you. But sometimes you really just want a Klondike Bar, and you're willing to Shanghai a stranger just to get one. Because, man, sometimes you just gotta get by. 

 

I'm not typically an advocate for mutant rights. They're a menace, those mutants. But I might think differently if they were cuddly critters. Professor X as a mole? That's just delightful. Threadless offers this X-Menagerie t-shirt, which I've found to be a lot of fun to look at. It took me a second to realize the Colossus elephant wasn't a giant cobra, but otherwise, pretty neat. $20, or $45 for a hoody. 

Here at iFanboy, we love meat. We also like the combination of meat and fire. Typically, we pretend to be vikings or Vandal Savage when preparing the fire, but these Star Wars barbecue aprons might add a little more weird, a little more kink, to our roleplaying. Now, we too can be Dark Lords of the shish. $25.

 

Since its unveiling on Sunday, I have dreamt only of the Infinity Gauntlet. I believe that I would be a good steward to this all-powerful glove of cosmic rendering. I would love it and keep it. I would call it George. I do not mind that their is only one. I'd wear a gold mitten on my other hand in the cold months. Why, I could reconfigure the world so that it would never be too cold. There would be more giraffes and fingernails would always be just the right length. Abraham Lincoln would still be alive, and there'd be a new Decemberists album every week. And I'd have the rights to publish Karate Kid franchise novels, and Ecto-Cooler would be stocked in every vending machine. And there'd be more sledding. 

I'd do right by you, the world. 

I must have it! 

I will scour the universe until it is in my grasp. Until it is my grasp! 

I shall be all powerful and all knowing, great and terrifying, and all shall bow before me!

I'm going to get a bagel. 

Comments

  1. I also crave an infinity gauntlet to call mine own. Hmmm small universe.

  2. "and Ecto-Cooler would be stocked in every vending machine"

    That would, in fact, be the best thing that ever happened.

  3. I’d look damn fine in that Slave Leia apron.

  4. I think if I bought that slave Leia apron for my wife she would laugh and then immediately punch me in the face.

  5. Damn it, Paul! Now I can only think of Ecto Cooler!

    I’m pretty sure I drank it exlcusively until they stopped making it.

  6. mmm…bagel.

  7. Ok, campaign to get Paul elected Omnipotent Shapesmith Of All The Cosmos, starting here.

    Gotta get me somma that Ecto-Cooler.

    And we need a Lincoln in the White House pretty bad.

  8. Thanks for the heads up on the x-menagerie shirt i just got one. Also I’m sorry to break it to you all but I am the proud owner of the Infinity Gauntlet, I hope you have been enjoying your reality.

  9. I might be dense, but I am guessing that the panther in the X-menagerie shirt is Rogue and the little red bird in front of Phoenix is ….. Angel?  Am I missing something obvious?

  10. we need to give the Infinity Gauntlet to that girl and see how she gets revenge on RON for puttin his chunky(sweaty?) meat hooks all over her shoulder!!

  11. Paul, you make me want to spend money, spend money and annoy the people I live with, with all of these awesome geeky things. #firstworldproblems.