In twelve years we're going to have a big yard sale with all kinds of stuff out on tables in front of the brownstone. The following things will be on that table, but it'll be by accident because we'll still want them. In fact, we won't even put price stickers on anything. People will be all, "What do you want for this mottled Furby?" and we'll be like, "That's not for sale. None of those Furbies are for sale. Move along." And later they'll pick up a spatula and go, "How much for this? I just moved and I could really use a–" and we'd be all, "Eight grand," basically pricing it out of the market. Then they'd go, "Well. is anything for sale?" and we'd reply, "You tell me." Then they'd get all ticked off and leave.
Here's some of the new stuff we want to add to our collection of other stuff, making it an even bigger and more astonishing assortment of stuff:
You may remember seeing an early prototype of Diesel's Only the Brave: Iron Man fragrance in Brian Fantana's cologne armory next to Sex Panther in 2004's Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Bergundy. Just look for the big red fist. Now, we've been told by numerous girls next door and Esquire back issues that the natural musk of the well-groomed male is all we need to get by, but for those special occasions, there's no harm in spraying and then stepping into the cascade of a premium, scientifically engineered scent. We're not entirely sure of the notes contained in this limited edition cologne, but we doubt it makes you smell like you've just completed an Iron Man marathon or that it's 100% alcohol. There might be some sandalwood, because that's in all of them we think. Generally, we pride ourselves on our copy in these product write-ups, but in this case, Diesel composed some excelsior level wordsex that just can't be topped:
"Inspired by visionary artists, icons and rebels, Only The Brave is for men who take a stand and control their own destiny, seizing opportunities and making a difference. The scent represents the qualities of the brave, symbolized by a fist that tells several stories: facing forward, the fist evokes power and energy; upright, it stands for self-affirmation; raised, it signifies victory, success and engagement."
Now through May 9th, Diesel is giving away ten free bottles of Stark musk via their Facebook page. Otherwise, grab $67.50 and head to the fragrance counter at your finer department store.
For good or ill, Barbie has always been at the forefront of our national discussion of sex and gender. For many of us, she and Ken have shaped our outlook on what it means to be a woman or man in the modern world. Paul tells us that his bedroom window looked out upon the roof of a neighboring garage. For many years of his childhood, that roof was home to an abandoned green frisbee and a nude, decapitated Ken doll. Springtime was not heralded by the return of warbling robins, but the emergence of Ken's extended left elbow through the snow. This perhaps explains Paul's fear of intimacy and the reason he's always holding up his left hand during those blind dates we send him on. If he ends up on a roof, he just wants to be found and brought someplace warm. It may also explain why he won't play Frisbee when we go on our picnics. "What about Foursquare instead." Even when there's just grass and no red ball.
Anyway, these are Mad Men Barbies. $85 or a long Martini lunch.
We like these recent Woot shirt designs inspired by The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi respectively. Here's what's happening. The first image is an AT-AT, or All Terrain Armored Transport. One of the most iconic and ridiculous designs in all of geekdom. But they've replaced its torso with two @ symbols. When you read them together, you're saying its name. Crazy. Oh, and this is our favorite excerpt from the @@'s Wikipedia page: "Additionally, ILM studied elephants to determine the best way to animate the four-legged AT-ATs." Elephants? Dude walks like Gumby. For real.
The other one is the Mon Calimari Admiral Ackbar of the Rebel alliance, caught hopelessly in a Chinese finger trap. If you've ever been ambushed by the Emperial fleet, seen Chasing Amy, or wasted three hours saving up ski ball tickets at a Sahara Sam's for one of these deception sheaths, you'll get the ref. 15 credits a pop.
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That Diesel brand could be applied to Vodka too. That would be great.
I feel in love with that @@ shirt the second I saw it.
Typo: fell, not feel.
Sorry.
If Tony was out of vodka, he’d probably drink the cologne.
Those shirts will be mine…Oh yes…they will be mine.
You seen that Mighty Mugg War Machine yet?
@ActualButt – Hahaha. oh man I completely forgot about Tony’s drinking problem and the fact that this is being targeted to people who shouldn’t drink alcohol.
the @@ is awesome! Where can I get it?
Just click on the @@ link, which will take you to its Woot.com page.
I love the Admiral Ackbar shirt!!!
It’s a trap!!! Awesome shirts.
Not really connecting with any of these, but goddamn if the Mad Men Barbies description didn’t just make me spit water on my monitor. Well played, sir.
IT’S A TRAP!
Can I take the Joan Holloway-Harris doll and turn her into Saffron from Firefly?
We’ll allow it. Just keep it in your bunk, okay?
That @@ design is classic. Wish I thought of it…
I saw a guy on campus wearing the Ackbar shirt yesterday. Made my day.
Love that @@ shirt. Big ups to Woot for that one…
And if you look closely at the Iron Man cologne box you’ll notice…. THAT’S NOT IRON MAN!!! It’s actually Iron Patriot on the box.
An advance copy of Avengers #1. Nothing expensive this time around.
@amircat: Your right that could definitly work as a vodka. Here’s how I think the commercial would go.
Tony Stark: Hi, I’m Tony Stark. Inventor, noted Philanderer and Superhero. And I’m here to tell you that before I get into the Iron Man Armor I make sure I am swimming in Diesel Brand Vodka. Because when you have the worlds most powerful portable weapon why would you not want to be drunk? It practically drives itself!
Bought the Ackbar shirt. Thanks Paul keep up the great work.
I too bought the Ackbar shirt immediately.
Admiral, we have enemy ships in section MV-7!!
Dammit, I meant sector MV-7…spoiled my Star Wars geek cred. 🙁
OK, since Paul brought up the AT-AT/elephant connection, I have to share this. The first time the Romans fought an army that used elephants, one if the original tactics was to race light chariots around the feet of the elephants and wrap ropes with grappling hooks around their legs till they toppled. I geeked out on multiple levels when I heard that.
Those Woot shirts are awesome. I just laughed out loud in class. People looked.
It IS Iron Patriot! What a horrible oversight. Way to go Deisel.
Unless . . . It’s not an oversight, and it’s all part of some dastardly plan hatched by Norman Osborn. He could’ve had Daken use his pheremone powers and whip up some mind-control cologne. Don’t buy it! IT’S A TRAP!
Is it me or does Barbie Don Draper look like Sean Connory
circa You Only Live Twice?