Sometimes we wish we'd been born dragons. We'd fly around and pillage the towns and countryside for all the things we want. We'd make bacon of pigs with our sizzling breath and we'd snatch up all the parcels and prizes, then cary them off to our mountain stronghold. We'd perch on our heaps of trinkets and treasures until the sundries melded with our scaly hides. We'd eat our fill of sheep and pizza and Orange Juliuses and read Choose Your Own Adventure books until it was too dark to see the words and then we'd think about all the other things we want until we fall asleep in our beds of riches and splendor. If anybody wanted to see our stuff we'd make them answer riddles, but we'd make sure no one would ever figure them out. Because we'd be total jerks, ya know?
Here's some of the merch that caught our fancy this week:
We're not quite sure what Han Solo in carbonite soap smells like, but we're thinking it contains notes of shea butter, sandalwood, and betrayal. Just because you're scruffy-lookin doesn't mean you have to smell like a smuggler. Whether you're a rogue on the lam from perverted sand-slug gangsters or you're a dame with a Boba Fettish, this is the perfect bathtime bounty from the Ugnauts of Bespin, Bath and Beyond. Actually it's from an outfit called Luxury Lane run by a lovely Ithorian couple out of Mos Espa, where the B.O. (Bantha odor) is particularly repugnant. Those two smell just dandy though. And so will you, even after the most grueling of Kessel Runs (or is it Kessels Run?) Grab a bar for about 7 credits.
"You smell fantastic."
"I know."
"RRRRRAAAAAAAAAOOOOOWWWWWRRR!"
We honestly didn't know we needed this Iron Man 2 themed Mr. Potato Head until we read the box. Wait for it. There it is. That said, we're concerned about a few things. We already have a ton of Potato Head accessories to assemble clever disguises for Tony Starch, but it would've been nice if they'd included his eccentric facial hair and a second pair of arms outfitted for a game of "Edward Forty Hands." They definitely got his smile down though. 16 bucks.
Every Helloween a group of illusionists gather in Scranton, Pennsylvania for a seance, attempting to commune with the spirit of Harry Houdini. Just north in iFanboy's New York brownstone, we convene every third Thursday to try and contact the ghost of Jack Kirby. We used to draw a crooked chalk pentagram on the floor of Josh's apartment, but Lindsay would get mad and we'd say it was only sidewalk chalk and then she'd remind us that sidewalk chalk is for outside, where the sidewalks are kept. So we just wear turtlnecks now and since we're not allowed to have candles anymore because of the baby-proofing, we just use Glade scented plug-in refills, which Paul and Conor seem to be allergic to. Anyway, now we can use this Hellboy Talking Board, a take on the original Ouija board. It features original artwork by Mike Mignola and a series of spooky sounds. It looks just like the kind of board B.P.R.D. member Johann Kraus would use or the kind of contraband that would've gotten Paul kicked out of catholic school. Either way, no more chalk. 15 smackeroos.
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Although there is rarely anything in the WANT column that I actually want, I really do enjoy reading all of the lead-ins and descriptions… always a bright point to my day
Brilliant picks Paul. Trying to get the wife to see the logic in Han Solo soap is gonna be hard…
The Iron Man Mr. Potato Head is frickin awesome…..I think I know what my godson is getting for his birthday
The Iron Man Mr. Potato Head looks incredibly stupid, but the fact that his name is Tony Starch makes it worth its weight in gold.
So I may have just added that Han Solo soap to my Amazon Wish List. And by ‘may have’ I mean ‘totally.’ There is also Fight Club soap on the website but it claims it’s not made of real human body fat, so it lacks real commitment.
By the way, do you give tours of the iFanboy Brownstone? Are there statues there depicting likenesses of you all in full-on hero poses? Is there a Room of Fallen Writers with a glass display case memorializing Sonia? If so, I would like to purchase two tickets to view these exhibits.
I second every single detail of @JeffR’s post.
Nothing goes with Sheep like Orange Juliuses.
Just ordered me some Han Soap-lo. Hellz yeah.
@JeffR: That would be awesome. I’d like tickets as well.
I’m waiting for the iFanboy brownstone playset
I want that Iron Man Potato Head but, then, you knew that.
My soap smells like wookiee.
I will confess, I bought the Transformer Potato head for a friend because it was called Optimash Prime. It was incredibly stupid. But incredibly worth it.
Oh lord…that’s just insanity. All of it. Just insanity.
@JeffR I’m sorry, but your post just reminded me of Plutonian’s lair. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight becuase of those flashes of horrible disturbing things that maybe going on at that brownstone.
The description on the Hellboy board makes me smile.
Han Solo soap must smell like manly handsomeness.
The Jack Kirby seance will be the next video show I presume?