Tuesday Showdown: Zatanna vs. Scarlet Witch

Zatanna vs. Scarlet Witch

2006, the Wundagore Mountain region — 

Clint went for the knob again. Opening the door, he saw a stunning young woman with legs right down to the floor. Just miles and miles of fishnet. She reminded him of a long weekend in Atlantic City and an even longer one in Vegas. He felt as if he'd gone through the turbines again. 

"Where is she?" she said, looking past his shoulder. 

Before he could reply, she lifted a wand toward his chin and said, "Og yawa won."

Clint suddenly found himself at a train station in Connecticut, staring lustfully at a vending machine as if he were about to ask it if they'd ever shared an elevator before.   

Back at the cottage in the shadows of Wundagore, the woman known as Scarlet Witch stirred in her sleep. One of the Robert Palmer girls was standing over her bed, looking rather perturbed. 

"Where's Clint?" the witch asked. They'd had a very nice night together, though he'd laughed a bit too hard when she'd said "You're a machine!" in the throws of their passion. Had he gone out to the market to fetch breakfast?

The Robert Palmer girl didn't seem to know or care. She was a raven-haired girl, perhaps Romani? Very pretty. 

"Dr. Fate tells me you've been playing with the universe like it's tinker toys," said the Robert Palmer girl.

"I don't know who Dr. Fate is." said the witch.

"Gruff guy. Wears a big shiny helmet."

The witch tasted something like cold metal on her tongue. Something like adrenaline. Or memory.

"Anyways, I'm a magician too. I've made mistakes, crossed some lines. I know what it's like." 

"I really don't know what you're talking about, Miss…"

"Zatanna. We're talking about how you went all St. Elsewhere on reality and turned your world into a big snow globe. You need to stop that."

The witch wondered if this was one of Clint's jealous ex-girlfriends playing a very elaborate and expensive intercontinental prank. 

Zatanna took a seat at the edge of the bed. "What you did to those mutants was just wrong."

But she didn't get past the word 'mutant.' As the syllable left Zatanna's mouth, the witch's eyes went white with mystical rage. The room disappeared and she was suddenly adorned in the scarlet dressings that had served her in her career as both an Avenger and a world-shaker. "I have dad issues," she growled. 

Zatanna adjusted to her new environment, a desolate gray expanse of rock and fog at the peak of Wundagore. 

"siht si erom ekil ti!" she said. 

 

Zatanna vs. Scarlet Witch

Who wins?

(Show your work!) 

 

Comments

  1. "The witch" just lends a certain gravitas to the whole thing. I don’t know who’ll win but this was a fun read

  2. "No more Zatanna."

    Burst of brilliant white light.

    Scarlet Witch stands alone, victorious.

  3. Zatanna wears fishnets. She wins.

  4. Doesn’t this all come down to who can compose and speak a sentence fastest? 

    I’m afraid that anything I write would very rapidly turn into magic based pornography (which I have neither read nor seen, but suddenly want to).  I’m immature. 

  5. I see it going something like this…

     Zatanna adjusted to her new environment, a desolate gray expanse of rock and fog at the peak of Wundagore. 

    "siht si erom ekil ti!" she said. 

    While she considers her next phrase, Zatanna sees boiling red chaos energy pouring out of the woman in red’s eyes. Rather than speaking a spell, the Scarlet Witch simply screams, wiping Zatanna and her entire home universe from existance.

     The last phrase the sorceress heard amongst the screams of rage, before ceasing to be? "IT’S NOT MY FAULT!" 

     —

    In this setup, I have to give it to Wanda, hands down. Generally in the DCU and MU, magic users are strongest in their home dimension, and especially in their homes. While these two both have very generalized powers, recently Zatanna’s have had more power limits, while the Scarlet Witch has remade universes. Also she’s batshit crazy, while Zatanna is a fairly well-balanced and nice person.

  6. The real question is, how did Zatanna get in Wanda’s closet?

  7. Scarlet Witch, no contest.

    1. She’s extremely self-absorbed, so much so that she qualifies as not-sane.

    2. She has a will strong enough to reshape reality and have it last a VERY long time.

    3. She knows what she wants.

    4. Her powers read the script! 

     

    Wanda would banish Zatanna, get Clint back, and have kids.  Whether Clint wanted them or not.  (He wouldn’t remember ever not wanting them, you understand.)  If Zatanna showed up again, she’d probably end up as their nanny. 

  8. The fact that Clint is there means that this is a fully powered but not fully sane Wanda. THEREFORE, Zatanna has zero-point-zero-zero-zero chance of beating her.

    But Wanda hasn’t ever successfully done anything with permanance.  So they could play it all out a few times until they come up with the best solution for all involved. 

     

    I’m thinking traveling circus myself. 

  9. I just like the part where Clint laughs at being called a machine. Awesomesauce.

  10. "They’d had a very nice night together, though he’d laughed a bit too hard when she’d said "You’re a machine!" in the throws of their passion." Yeah. I laughed. Hard.

  11. My guess? Whoever gets the first word in, they’re both that good. Also, I love reading the lead-ins to these things, make my day every time I read them

  12. Scarlet Witch almost eliminated an entire species with a couple of words. Nuff said

  13. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Mutants aren’t a species. They’re a menace. 

  14. Zatanna. She’s smart, sassy and has it all together. As well, she’s fairly adept without her powers (SSoV-mini) and is pretty high in the ranks of DC magic users (She hob knobs with Phantom Stranger). Wanda is a mentally unstable, dependent mess whose powers have been ill-defined and circumstantial and until recently was considered kind of a loser in the Marvel magic community.

    @lantern4life, Yes but obviously her powers aren’t that strong as she said "NO MORE MUTANTS" and left behind quite a lot more than 200.

  15. @Prax  Dude.  Ill-defined and circumstantial powers win every time!

    Thanks to Prax’s persuasive argument, I give it to Scarlet Witch.

  16. to be immature: zatanna wins because she’s hotter and wears fishnets. thus she can bend men to do her bidding, even without any other superpowers.

    if we are talking the real deal here: not sure, i guess ms lehnsherr takes the prize with all that house of m jazz and stuff. and i really don’t know the extent of zatanna’s powers. 

  17. The problem with this is that both of their power levels is basically whatever they want it to be.  So I vote for fishnets.

  18. Good god i didn’t know that paul was a specist, mutants are people too

  19. C A T F I G H T ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

    Yeah, I’m being immature – this is a comic book site.

  20. @Dan: Do you find something inherently immature about a comic book website?

  21. As a character I prefer Zatana but I think Wanda could take her in a fight.

  22. Scarlet Witch is much more powerful but she’s unstable, unsure and can be manipulated.  Zatanna is smarter, extremely likable and better at reading people.  I give it to Zatanna.

  23. I was gonna say Wanda since in-continuity her abilities are powerful enough to retcon the 616 and as far as I know Zatanna hasn’t done anything at Omega level.

    But the Zatanna art looks better than that distorted painting that isn’t for me. so… if art is a factor in this I say Zatanna wins, if not the witch wins.

  24. As I love Wanda like whoa and have no particular opinion on Zatanna, this goes to the lady in scarlet.  My poor girl, how mean they can be to you

     *pets favorite Avenger fondly*

     http://adamhughes.deviantart.com/art/Scarlet-Witch-91410408

    I like this picture a lot more than the one used in the article (which I’ve never cared for). 

  25. I love Zatanna and next to Doc Strange she’s my favorite "mage", but I’m of the opinion that Scarlet Witches hex powers combined with her actual powers would mess up anything Zatanna would even try.

    On the other hand, if Zatanna says ‘namtaB’, well that’s an auto-win.

  26. Who’s the Scarlet Witch? Zatanna wins!!!! 

  27. Zatanna says something about Wanda’s baby weight. She falls to pieces and Zatanna turns her into a fuzzy little bunny and stuffs her into her hat.

    Zatanna rules!

  28. This whole thing reads like the beginning of a lesbian porn scene, but all that aside, let me say that Zatanna figures out a way to deduce that Wanda is big bag of crazy and tells her it’s all in her head.  Wanda runs away weepin like a little bitch and Zatanna stands tall in her fishnets victorious.  Oh wait, maybe that was the Sentry running away like a little bitch.  My bad….Zatanna and Wanda abscond together to star in "Where te Boys Aren’t 28."

  29. Zatanna says, "yzarC hctib, tuhs eht kcuf pu" and "peels reverof". Magically Wanda’s rage subsides and she falls into a deep sleep. Zatanna FTW!

  30. Even if Zatanna loses, she’ll just mindwipe Scarlet Witch anyway… What? Too soon?

  31. Try as I might I could not come up with a sequence of events that did not turn into at least a Showtime-level softcore porn. So I think we all know who wins when these two get together. Everyone.