Tuesday Showdown: Wonder Woman vs. Thor

Wonder Woman vs. Thor

It was on that evening that Anansi married a seamstress called Judith on a yellow hill in the country of Ghana. Men and gods came from all corners of the wide universe, as did all the spiders of the deepest crevices, to watch the old trickster pledge fidelity. 

"What a tangled web," remarked the Raven to the Coyote. They giggled like children, jostling the table and the plates heaped with ambrosia, fufu, and Totino's pizza rolls. Thor glowered at the cardstock cartouche before him. 'Odin'. His father's name. But his father couldn't be bothered to attend another of Anansi's parties, least of all a wedding. Thor had been sent in his stead, placed at the Raven's table. A joke about his Father's pets? Thor scribbled lightning bolts on the card, grunted when he realized his cape was caught beneath the chair legs. This place smelled of elephants. The valet had complained of his goats Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr, but what could be said of Anansi's own pets, these creatures of such rank odor, even equipped as they were with bath hoses? 

It was not long before the Odinson had exhausted the open bar. He'd balked at the palm wine, but eventually settled on Akpeteshie. After several barrels, he was no longer so shy as to hide at his table scribbling thunder clouds. 

"No one here doth like you, itsy-bitsy!" he groaned into the microphone just as Bowie had finished his set. Thor leered at old Anansi at the table of honor feeding cake to his mortal bride. "You and the jokes you are playing."

"I think it's time to sit down," an Amazonian in garish primaries said, pulling the microphone from his grip. She took him by the shoulders and Thor realized she was much taller than himself. "Back to your goats now. You can catch the next rainbow home."

At this, the whole wedding party laughed. This woman had made a mockery of Thor, and Thor knew it. Thor wondered if he could salvage his reputation, and if not, the crock pot he'd spent the morning wrapping in Daily Bugles. He stammered to himself as she led him out to the parking area, weaving between chariots and chain-smoking eunuchs. 

"Tell me this, Wonderful Woman," barked Thor, wrenching free of her grip. "Did thoust only bewitch thy jet to hide thy shoddy womanly craftsmanship?" He swung at her with the hammer that once hung at his hip. She caught the edge of the blow with crossed bracers, legs forced to mid-calf into the dirt from the impact. 

She pulled him around, forced him into a full nelson. "Why not take a closer look?" she said, slamming his head into the hull of an invisible jet. 

Wonder Woman vs. Thor

Who wins?

Show your work!

Comments

  1. really??? Thor hitting a woman!!! Thor should be fighting againist superman for crying out loud!

  2. Sublime. I don’t care who wins. I just want to watch the the drunken wedding brawl.

  3. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Superman has that known weakness to magic, so I matched Odinson to Amazon. 

  4. I say that after a huge fight, one the includes Thor smashing the Invisible jet over Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman using her lasso on Thor and finding out that he is quite infatuated with her, they decide to go back to Wonder Woman’s room, where we will say that WW wins!

  5. In a surprise upset, Anansi wins. Anansi always wins in the end.

  6. I’ll buy this if it’s the Thor from Sandman instead of Marvel.

  7. It all depends on if Wonder Woman is Worthy to hold the Thor’s Hammer. I think she would be, and thats how she would win. She ties up Thor the the Lasso, takes the Hammer, and it would be game over.

  8. Come on.. we know how this ends. After some wrestling they looked into each other eyes and proceeded to enjoy some sweaty wrestling. "Diana doth bedded Odinson".

  9. I think in a straight up fight, Thor wins. There’s a big difference between "blessed by the gods" and "god". But Thor is drunk and she’s a sober, Amazon warrior so she mops the floor with him.

     Come the morning when he sobers up, he turns on the smooth and tries to woo her, because she’s everything Thor has ever looked for in a woman. But she plays hard to get, and he tries increasingly ridiculous things to get her attention until she finally gives in, and they go on a date and its perfect. She introduces him to her family, and its awkward but he’s charming. Things go great between the two until a misunderstanding with the Enchantress (so not Thor’s fault!) and Diana dumps him. But after another drunken brawl at another mutal friend’s wedding, they make up.

     Seriously, best romantic comedy ever.

  10. Didn’t Batman once refer to Wonder Woman as the best fighter in the world?  I don’t remember where I read that, but seem to recall reading it somewhere.

    I’d wager that Thor generally relies on his "powers" and will fall when faced with someone who has powers and is actually trained to fight (didn’t Osborn kick his ass in Siege?)

  11. Why am I picturing Samnee’s Thor in this scene…?

    If Thor is truly wasted, Diana FTDubs. 

  12. Beta Ray Bill shows up and arm wrestles Donna Troy until Ragnarok.  A good time is had by all.

  13. Thor is no doubt more powerful but I can’t overcome my DC bias. I love Wonder Woman. Go Diana!

  14. Thor is more powerful, but spoiled and prone to rely on force rather then skill. I think he’d also assume he could break her lasso and best her easily. Which is the mistake, she’s more skilled, doesn’t underestimate enemies and will do what’s necessary to win. So Diana beats him with tactics and skills.

  15. They’ll match each other in strength and fighting, and they both laugh it up and get some more beer back from Midgard to keep the party going. At the night, the two will join together with some of those old fantasy flute players to a mystical karaoke rendition of "Don’t Stop Believing" and it’ll end with the two making it to third base–at least.

  16. @stulach- Yes batman referred to wonderwoman as the best melee fighter in the world and if he wanted anyone to fight with him its her. It was in Justice League Injustice League run 🙂

  17. Thor: "Stop!  Doth Hammertime!"

    WW:  "Is that Mjolnir in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" 

  18. For this to even be a fair fight Wonder Woman would have to bring the whole DC universe with her.

  19. You know I was comparing these two comics yesterday (The Mighty Avenger).  Thor wouldn’t have the nads to kill her though, so Wonder Woman would choke him out.

  20. @FarSide0013: How come when DC and Marvel decide to work together we only get hilarous terribleness (see: Amalagm) and not hilarious awesomeness like your movie idea??

  21. @smeeeeee – Thanks.  I thought so.

  22. Wonder Woman is on the verge of winning when mjolnir cracks her upside the head she stumbles through a mysterious glowing way and comes out the other side in pants and a leather jacket with no memory of what is going on and clueless on how to use most of her powers goes looking for her homeless friends. Thor mean while having seen this decideds he has had 1 to many drinks I mean was she wearing a jacket before? and I’m sure she didn’t have pants. Summons beta ray bill to be his designated hammer flyer and heads home to sleep it off.

  23. Wonder Woman has bested Ares on several occasions. If she can beat the God of War, she can beat the God of Thunder.

    Also, you don’t mess with the invisible jet. Thor’s going down!

  24. @WonderAli – Good point.

  25. @FarSide: You win!

    @mitchster: She has picked up his hammer in the DC vs. Marvel mini.

    @Paul: Awesome match-up! I would have added an insult where Thor remarked to Diana, "Thou jacket perplexs me Amazon." Thor takes the jacket and drapes it on himself. ""Looketh upon thee. Tis the 80s and I haveth this awesome jacket with shoulder pads".

    Normally I have a clearcut winner in my head but this time I can’t decide.

  26. Thor in a 10th round TKO

    WW could hand with him for a while but in the end she couldnt keep up 

     

  27. Thor swirls Wonder Woman up in a purple maelstrom and sends her into another plane of existence. Possibly where she gets pants and a ridiculous early 90s jacket. Unfortunately the whole scene is told in flashback and is therefore a terribly disappointing and banal ending.

  28. Odin’s son all the way.

  29. WW: "Is that a hammer in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"