Tuesday Showdown: Swamp Thing vs. Man-Thing

Swamp Thing vs. Man-Thing

"This is actualy my first time at a Salad Works. You?"

"Mrrrrrnphh."

"I like that no one stares here. Everyone is on their laptop."

"Maaaarrrrrnnnnhhh."

"To be honest, this is also the first time I've ever been on one of these. John said we'd be a good match and well…"

"NNNNNRRRRRFFFFF."

"Your tendrils are really lovely. I've never grown mine out like that."

"Should we order? So much variety, I don't know where to start. Friends tell me I'm quite indecisive for someone so deciduous."

"Grrraaaarg!!"

"Oh, don't encourage me. Just don't."

"Grrrig."

"John tells me you were a scientist. What was your specialty?"

"Phhhllleeeegggghhrrrrffffpt."

"It's funny. I used to think I was once one of those, but it turns out i'm just sentient mulch."

Hicggllfffffff."

"Right, so you're saddled with all those student loans and I just happened to be growing on the right tree at the right time!"

"Fnnnfffff-gllck..grarfle ffffftttttpppppppt?"

"The English Patient."

"Grrrrrfffffffffpppttttnnnnnkkkkkkttttt."

"Right, yeah."

"Grrrrrrkkkktttppphhp."

"No, it's just…I don't get out to the movies so much any more."

Ffffhhhhhptkt."

"Economy, right. Well, okay, what about books then? Have you…oh, have you read The Botany of Desire?

"Hffffffft?"

"Michael Pollan."

"Thhhhkkt!  Fhhhhggggggkkkkrt! Mrrrrrmph–"

No, no, that's…no, not from Monty Python. This is another–"

"Phhmmmmmmkt? Mrrrrggggh?"

"Oh, Cleese, probably."

"Hmphhhht Mphhhhrrrrrgghh?"

"Oh, well, the sketches. The films never really did anything for m–"

PHHHHRRRRGT? Mmmphm?  Higgglpliphhht?"

"Hey. Let's just–"

"MMMMMMRRRRRNGGGG!!!"

"Now people are looking."

 

Swamp Thing vs. Man-Thing

Who wins?

Show your work!

Comments

  1. man thing…hands down.

  2. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Show your work!

  3. "Whatever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing’s touch!"

    -Swamp Thing knows fear.

    -Man-Thing touches Swamp Thing.

    -Swamp Thing burns.

    -Man-Thing wins.

  4. A Giant Sized Man-Thing wins.

  5. Stalemate.  

    Man-Thing is, generally speaking, reactive, not pro-active.  The reactions just tend to be the devastating result of him living in a universe where people conveniently do heinous shit in his general vicinity and find themselves confronted by Gerry Conway’s worst polish sausage-fueled Muppet Dream, react as anyone would (soul-shitting terror) and subsequently "combusticated" by corrosive Chia Pet afterbirth for their trouble.

    Swamp Thing’s strong, sometimes overwhelming connection to plant matter has instilled in him a sense of deep empathy for something that even whiny vegans don’t feel much pity consuming. This, coupled with a sense of (almost) unending life and rebirth– meaning Swamp Thing never really dies– tends to give him a sense of peaceful fearlessness.  One further, Holland’s isolation tends to weigh heavily upon him.  All of that coalesces into a chance (and charming, well done, Paul) run-in with, against mind boggling odds, a being more like him than any other.   

    This has been another brief glimpse of "How to Dodge Working on a Lit Thesis"

  6. Shouldn’t there be an elipsis after each word swamp thing says?

  7. exhibit A:

    swamp thing is a plant elemental, and has control over all plants (depending on when in swamp things history this takes place)

    man thing is a plant.

    do the math.

    exhibit: B

    swamp thing had 2 cheesy but entertaining movies, a more cheesy and less entertaining tv show, and a cartoon show with toys.

    man thing has 1 horrendously bad movie that didnt even get theatrical release

    exhbit C:

    len wein, bernie wrightson, alan moore, john totelben, steve bissette, rick veitch, grant morrison, mark millar, phil hester, brian k vaughn, andy diggle

    roy thomas, gerry conway, gray morrow, steve gerber, len wein (him again!) jim mooney, mike ploog, chris claremont, jm dematties, val mayerick, liam sharp

    ok exhibit c is real close, but  for me moore at least edges the rest out.

  8. swamp thing all the way he is a plant elemental thus a plant elemental will always win agnainst a plant.

    plus swamp think just look cooler and has ties to poision ivy

  9. Paul Montgomery, I think I love you.

  10. one of comics best characters vs one of comics stupidest characters. swamp thing by a mile.

  11. PymSlap (@alaska_nebraska) says:

    Man-Thing. Swampy’s been weakened by the oil spill and lost the will to go on. Curse you, BP.

  12. HAIKU BATTLE:

    Swamp Thing is smarter,

    Buys a bottle of Round Up,

    Man Thing is compost.

    (Was going to do a limerick instead but wanted to keep it clean for the kiddies) 

     

  13. Swamp Thing would get confused about who he is again, while the semi-mindless dimensional Man-Thing would just absorb and destroy.

  14. I think we all lose if that conversation goes on for much longer.

  15. Jacob

  16. I’ll tell ya who wins: The other customers. There’s nothing better than watching a couple fight in public and pretending you’re not looking.

  17. Swamp Thing says, "Fine act that way. I Have to go to the bathroom and We’ll talk when I get back."

    He then proceeds to walk out the front door stiffing Man-Thing with the check and no ride home.

    Swamp Thing FTW!!!

  18. @mikeandzod21 – There should be one after every THIRD word Swamp Thing says, assuming that never changed after Alan Moore finished his run. Also, Graham Chapman would totally be his favorite Python, certainly not Cleese. Cleese is too over the top. Terry Jones would be Man-Thing’s favorite I think.

  19. Swamp-Thing all the way.  One, he can actually communicate and two, he’s never appeared in a book called Giant-Sized Man-Thing which by itself puts him over the top.

  20. queenrikki:  Some would say Man-Thing wins BECAUSE he appeared in a book called Giant-Sized Man-Thing.  But I still go with Swamp Thing.

  21. Arrrggghhh (@Arrrggghhh) says:

    Swamp Thing wins easily.
    Basically Swamp Thing controls the green . . . imagine what he could do to Man-Thing without even touching him. (Plus, he could easily just bribe Man-Thing to go away with a sack of those hallucinogen tubulars.)

  22. I’ll go with the Giant-Sized Man Thing.  He has such a cute nose!

  23. who is man-thing