Tuesday Showdown: Parker vs. Marv

Tuesday Showdown: Parker vs. Marv

Parker vs. Marv

The door exploded violently inward bathing the dark bar in unwelcome and powerful midday sunlight. Men grumbled and covered their eyes in a vain attempt to hold onto the darkness while the girls on the dayshift continued to twirl around their poles.

Marv downed his shot and eyed the door. He couldn't make out the powerful figure who just kicked in the door but he had a pretty good idea as to who it was. 

"Where's Marv?!" the figure shouted, "He owes me money!"

Yep, it's Parker, Marv thought. It's always with the being owed money with this guy.

Marv took one last belt from his bottle of brew and stood up. The shattered front door might not have fazed the patrons of Kadie's Club Pecos but the midday regulars knew what it meant when Marv stood up with that look on his face. Which is why most of the people between Parker and Marv suddenly found themselves with pressing business elsewhere.

Moving faster than a man his size should be able to move, Parker suddenly appeared an arms length from Marv. "Where's my money, Marv?" Parker's giant meathooks were now clenched, his knuckles turning white with barely contained rage.

"I don't have your money, Parker," Marv said while smiling. "I had it but I was thirsty."


Parker vs. Marv

Who Wins?

(Show your work)


  1. Off the bat Marv looks like the obvious win,  but Parker wont go up against a guy like Marv without s plan.  Marv may be able to over power Parker if he gets a hold of him.  The only problem that Marv has is he’s been downing those shots like a man in the Sahara and we all know he isn’t the smartest of people.  Parker doesn’t  need pure power to win this fight all he needs to do is out think him. 


    Parker For the Win!!


    PS. I love Marv to  

  2. Not much of a contest in my eyes. I’m pretty sure Marv could take on the Hulk. They had to light up the chair twice to kill him. TWICE!

  3. Oh Marv would destroy Parker.. no question. But in the hard-boiled tradition.. no matter how hard the hero gets beat down.. he always comes back.


    So umm… new Parker the most anticipated OGN of 2010 much? Can’t WAIT!!!! 

  4. C’mon man…its PAYBACK!

  5. Paul Montgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Hmm.  Parker is meaner, but Marv is more durable. Gonna have to sleep on this one.  

  6. This is a tough one. Although I would see Marv as the winner at first, Parker definitely has the moves to bring him down. Also I think Parker is a bit better at planning and sneaking in for the kill then Marv. Marv would just go in either guns a blazing or as a battering ram to get his man.

    On the long run I would say that Marv would win. Only because I like him a tiny little bit more then Parker. Remember that Sin City short about his neighbors killing the goons for him? He would probably try that trick on Parker and win.

  7. Whatever scenario I think of in my head, it usually ends with both of them bandaged, arms around each other, and drinking a brew.

  8. You know.. they might just call it a draw and form some twisted bromance.. just sayin’

  9. Marv wins.  He has his mitts.

  10. Next up: The Tenth Doctor vs The Authority’s Doctor

  11. How recently have they tried to electrocute Marv to death before this altercation?

  12. @josh – Good one.

  13. This is some hardcore shit.


     I’m going with Marv. Eventually, with hardasses like these guys push comes to shove. Marv is tougher (he got hit by a car and it barely even hurt). Marv took down Kevin with cunning that surpasses anything Parker has. Marv is the consummate bad ass in every sense of the word. Parker is sly and gifted, but is ultimately mortal.

  14. Parker would win. He is just as ruthless and determined as Marv, but he’s smarter. I don’t think Marv could deal with whatever plan Parker came up with.

  15. Marv hands down. Parker passed out with only one gun shot, and it didn’t even puncture his skin. Marv is a tougher son of a bitch.

  16. I think people are underestimating Parker’s resilience. The guy was shot, left for dead in a burning building, and still managed to make it out and kick some serious ass. Parker is getting his money from Marv.

    Also, I’d rather sleep with Parker.

  17. Here I was hoping you meant Marv from Home Alone. I am disappointed.

  18. @WonderAli-I would also rather sleep with Parker.

  19. Parker.

    Parker would kick your ass, take your wife to the park and disfigure her face without breaking a sweat. Marv’s a comic character.

    ‘Sides, Westlake could’ve drunk Miller under the table any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. For good measure.


  20. @Ruo21: why would Conor even post that fight? Everyone knows Marv from home alone would win 😉

  21.     Parker snarls and shoots a righthook at Marv.  Marv tacks the hit with a smile.  Blood and a molar explode out of Marves mouth and splater all over poor Shellie who was walking past with a tray full of beers.  She shakes her head as she flicks the tooth off the tray.  Marv looks at Parker and grins, blood leaking down his chin.

       "That the best you can do, you pansie."

       Marv crashes his head forword like a wrecking ball, right onto the bridge of Hunters nose.  Hunter crashes back onto a table knocking booze, broads and bullets to the ground.  He looks up, eyes narrowed, teeth clinched, nose flattened on his right cheek.

       "Who you calling a pansie?" he hisses as he stands to his feet. 

        He then dives over to the main stage.  He snatches the shot of booze from Weevil’s hand, then with his other hand stricks a mach across Nancys butt whos shaking it on the poll in the middol of the stage.  Hunter drops the flame into the booze then flengs it at Marves face.  The glass shaterd on Marvs mug, ingulfing his face in burning spirit.  Hunter charges forword and tackles Marve sending them both over the bar.  Marve grabs Hunters face in one huge hand as they thrash around behind the bar.  With his other hand Marv punches a keg of beer smashing it open.  Beer splashes over then putting out the fire on Marvs face.  

        All of Kadie’s grows silant as they listen to the epic battle tacking place behind the bar.  Suddenly there is a finol crack then silance.  Marv stands up, the 7 foot tall 20th century barbarian savage.  In a world of hard men made of chiselled wood, Marvs made iron.  Hunter is a hard man but Marvs just a bit harder.  Marv stands with his arm outstretched, holding Hunter by the heaad who hangs limply.

        "You want your money pal?  Marv ask matter of factly, "Come back tomorrow, and make sure you come by early befor I drink it up."

        Marv under hand throws Hunter acrose the bar and out the remains of the door into the stinky alley outside.  Marv sits down with a painfull grunt then waves down Shelle.

        "A shot and a brow and keep em comin."

  22. Who the hell is Marv?

  23. @Aalbatr0ss – Sin City.

  24. I’d say Marv because he just won’t stay down. Parker will beat the hell out of him but it won’t matter.  Classic rope-a-dope.  Parker tires then it’s lights out.

  25. When you have enough broken bones, it just sounds like crumpled paper. At least that’s what Parker thought. Wrong time, wrong place, and wrong guy to wrong when you need to right things up.

    "Do a guy a favor… open up all those windows. Its hot in here." Parker said.

    "There’s only one." Marv said as he towelled off his fists. "For a small fry, you’re a tough cookie. But I’ll chew on one if I get hungry enough. You still wanna try me?"

    Parker spat out a tooth in Marv’s direction. "Haven’t been paid yet."

    Parker’s skin rippled back in waves as it met with Marv’s fist. Warm blood sprayed in the wall behind him like an abstract painting. Parker kept reminding himself that there’s only one window. Rational thought would perhaps keep him from blacking out.

    "Now. I think you’re done." Marv said. "Are you done with me?" A toothless smirk made its way onto Parker’s face. Or at least he thought he was smirking. Facial control was difficult with how cauliflowered his face became.

    "Yeah. I’m done with you." Parker said. "You gotta get goin’ anyways. Her name… Nancy? Lives on 3rd and Halifax Boulevard?"

    Marv’s eyes actually began showing its whites behind those small lids. Glaringly angry, he hoisted Parker by the hair. "What’re you playin’ at, small fry?"

    "Playin’? Sorry. I try not to play with exposed gas lines in a building like that." Parker said. "City like this, it’d be hard to tell the smell from the stink. Hope you dont have a smoke or cook ’round this time."

    Marv dropped Parker and took off running. Parker crawled over to a plump duffle bag off in the corner. Hoisting it over his shoulder, he picked himself up and counted what was in it. "Debt paid." He said hobbling over to the sink. Crimson was a swirl over the tarnished brown over white as he washed himself off. "It’s always a girl. Always gonna be about a girl."

  26. In movie terms, this is Mickey Rourke vs. Mel Gibson. There’s a very clear winner in that context.

  27. @ActualButt: Or Lee Marvin vs. Mickey Rourke

  28. I have to go with Marv here. Parker could probably take Dwight, Hartigan and even Wallace but not Marv