Owly vs. Doctor Doom
"Sire?" the peon said, turning meekly from his terminal. "The owl has returned to Latveria. Shall I send a death squad?"
Doom nearly crumpled his Vanity Fair. The owl had sailed away from his kingdom over a year ago in that silly newspaper boat. Doom had warned him that his woods were not a place for frivolity. That such wide eyes and cheerfulness did not fit Latveria's grand Doomographic. The owl had been tagged and sent packing with a small lunch tote and a sternly worded memo for the halfwit Symkarian tourist bureau. Doom had never felt so relived.
But now the little rabble rouser was back. A bouncy little blip on the Doomdar screen. Doom placed a subscription card in his magazine to mark his place in the Grace Kelly write-up, rose and slammed the peon's face into the keyboard before storming out of the room. The peon, whose name was Arnold Chutney, felt at his mangled jaw, put two fingers to his lips, kissed them lightly, then pressed them to the small post card of North Korea he kept in his desk drawer. "Some day."
Doom mounted his all-terrain Segway and sped over the cobblestones and down over what he presumed was a glade or perhaps a dale just beyond the central marketplace. He came upon an encampment and ordered one gypsy to set another on fire as he pulled the Motorola Droid Shadow from his cloak, and after a brief hiccup with the touch screen and his gauntlets, fired up his Owly GPS app. The little rapscallion was splashing about in babbling Doom brook seven, some three minutes away by Segway. Doom ordered the surviving gypsy to dig a grave for his friend and bury the two of them in it before the Doom's Day parade. The gypsy nodded and Doom was off.
"Owly!" roared Doom, dismounting from his Segway.
"Exclamation point," said Owly, who was playing with several crayfish in the shallows of babbling Doom brooke seven.
"Insolent little owl! I knew that that fantasy film would only bolster your audacity, even when I signed on as associate producer!"
A puffy question mark blinked into view over Owly's head.
"A little less punctuation," Doom barked, electricity coursing through his arms. "And a little more abject terror!"
Owly was suddenly afraid. Quite afraid indeed. But then Owly saw countless pairs of eyes over in the bushes and high in the trees.
"You will not," roared Doom, advancing towards the little owl, "ruin my Doom's Day!"
Owly vs. Doctor Doom
Who wins?
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I think it ends this way:
Doom dooms it up.
"Death rattle," saids Owly.
The end?
P.S. How do you differentiate between a glade and a dale?
P.P.S. Does Doom utilize the Vanity Fair App on his Droid Shadow? Grace Kelly heartily (as heartily as she possibly can) endorses it.
Doom prepared to strike, but before he could render the egg-shaped fowl naught but a pile of feathers he felt a tug on his mighty cloak. He paused, turned, and with rage bellowed, Who DARES defy DOOM this way?"
At his side, a small girl, barely waist high stood, her hand on the cloak’s hem.
"My lord, why do you yell such? What has the little bird, whose stories I enjoy so, done to enrage you?" she asked, her trembling voice barely a whisper.
Doom paused. He was a man who had faced the greatest of terrors and vanquished the mightiest of foes. But he was no monster; he would not bring harm to the innocent. He was, after all, human. Earth’s greatest human, but still… And while the wretched owl creature was no innocent, his young subject was, and to hurt the bird would, in turn, hurt her. He could no longer bear his rage down upon the owl lest he do so to the girl. Q.E.D.
He faced the owl, bringing his vast, righteous anger into check. "Go. Now. Doom commands it. And come not back into this, my realm, else I may be unable to hold my temper and then … consequences shall ensue." And with that, he turned from the woodland scene and began his retreat to his castle.
"Richards shall pay for this insult. Oh yes, pay dearly," Doom hissed the entire trip home
But the little Owl did not leave. So Doom traveled back in time and made the species extinct. And sterilized the little girl’s father.
Ahhhh. Now that feels better. Let’s go to the parade.
Round 1:
Doom charges at Owly, scaring him into alertness. Several !’s appear above Owly’s head, which turn into arrows. With uncharacteristically deadly accuracy, the !’s puncture Doom’s armor, hurting him enough that he must retreat.
Round 2:
Doom, angry at having been beaten by punctuation, says "ah, screw it. SO SAYS DOOM" and nukes the forest
Winner: Dr. Doom, proving that tech > punctuation
Wormy enters, ashamed to show his face. “?” asks Owly. Wormy mimes his shame & embarrassment about his appearance. Tears well up in Owly’s empathic eyes. In a pictographic word balloon, Owly persuades Wormy to show his face and the perceived blemish is barely noticeable. Owly and Wormy hug. The analogy is not lost on Doom, who drops his mask to reveal his own, barely marked face. More tears form in the eyes of Doom, Owly & Wormy. They share a long hug and exit for a Dooms’ Day picnic with the Racoons and Humming Birds.
Winner: The Fantastic Four.
Never heard of him.
who the fuck is Dr. Doom ?
@ Stulach A glade and a dale are quite different things.
Owly obviously melts Doom’s iron heart with the power of cute and doom joins Owly for frolicks in the woods?
I dont know who owly is so I am at a bit of a disadvantage.
@har13quin – I was really hoping someone would explain it to me. From what I can gather a dale involves a river of some sort.
Doom sends out doombots. No joy. Doom flies out and blast him. No luck. Doom hatches Machiavellian plan. No good. Doom steals cosmic cube to rewrite reality. No go. Bird shits on dooms head. Doom commits inglorious suicide owly wins
In a stroke of luck, Doom’s energy blast ricochets off of Owly’s Eisner award and hits the firewire port on his inner thight, which triggers a hard reboot of the armor.
As Doom stands there powerless and immobile for 7 seconds, he is rushed by Owly’s new pals, a pack of mutant Latverian Doom-weasels. As the armor tips overt into the creek, the crayfish move in and finish the job.
@Aalbatr0ss – Indeed!