Sometimes, usually at 2am after a bottle or so of wine, I like to think about which fictional characters would be the best spouses – just in case I happen upon a wormhole that takes me to a dimension where they exist (hey, you never know!). It's a fun game! You can play too! Here, I'll go first…
5. Batman (Bruce Wayne)
After seeing Batman Returns at an impressionable age, I've had a long-standing crush on Batman. There are a lot of perks being married to the rich and handsome Bruce Wayne: living in Wayne Manor, Alfred bringing you breakfast in bed, joyrides in the Batmobile, plenty of free nights, a yacht. But while brooding and emotionally unavailable are attractive at first, they're disaster for a long-term relationship. It may sound crass, but Batman is the perfect Starter Husband.
4. Cyclops (Scott Summers)
What I love most about Cyclops, aside from the James Marsden thing, is that he's an honest-to-goodness good guy. I know that makes him a boring weinie to most people, but I'm not a big fan of gray areas with my superheroes. As the leader of one of the most unruley and dysfunctional super-teams, Scott has to make a lot of tough decisions and he usually does so with very little support. Not to mention, the dude has been surrounded by telepaths since he was a kid and he still manages to remain his own man with his own opinions. I think that says a lot about his character.
3. The Flash (Wally West)
I'm kind of going to cheat here because when I think of The Flash, I most often think of Wally West from Bruce Timm's Justice League cartoon. Regardless, I've always had a soft spot for loyal, wise-cracking, overcompensating red heads. If I had a "type" Wally would be it. And I don't have to worry about being a homewrecker with the cartoon version of Wally.
Let's hope speedsters don't do everything fast (hey-oh!)
2. Captain America (Steve Rogers)
How do you not love Cap, I mean really. He's strong, noble, and inspiring. He's also one of those classic good-guys I love so much. I was first introduced to Cap during Civil War, and I fell in love with him almost instantly because he's… well, he's Cap. Regardless of how trite it sounds, Steve Rogers stands up for what's right and he fights to keep everyone free and safe. But what I love most about Cap is he makes you want to be a better person.
Also, he punched Hitler.
1. Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
Remember the wise-cracking, overcompensating thing? Spidey's got that in spades. He's funny and smart and geeky, which I'm a total sucker for. I know a lot of people don't exactly like Pete–he's a complete mess most of the time. I agree that can be annoying. But he's a mess because he puts protecting the people and the city he loves above everything else in his life. He's not exactly graceful in how he goes about it; he's definitely flawed. But he does the best he can and he never gives up. And I love him for it.
Now it's your turn! What superheros make you swoon?
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The Invisible Woman. Then she can make herself invisible during football season.
But Spider-Man will sell your soul for a box of cheerios!
I’d think Bruce would be a horrible husband. In essence, you’d be marrying Alfred (you could do worse).
I’d be slightly worried that marrying Peter Parker would require me to evenually make some sort of deal with the devil. No thanks.
On a side note, I couldn’t be more thrilled that the honorable Ron Swanson has joined us on the site. My favorite Ron Swanson quote: “I’m starving – I haven’t had lunch since yesterday.”
I am shocked – SHOCKED! – that Thor, the Mighty Avenger is not on this list.
Mine will be she-hulk once you go green you never come back.
Good list Ali but I’m very surprised there is no Thor.
@RonSwanson: Second!
Psylocke, come on Asian beauty with an English accent and Harley Quinn becasue everyone needs a little crazy in their life.
TUXEDO MASK
I would also marry Bruce and Peter. But I choose Alex over Scott. And for the fifth slot I’ll go with Stephen Strange and his hot turtlenck collection.
Kitty Pryde. Brilliant, adorable, and has a pet dragon.
At least three of this guys have been lost in time for years, one of them loses significant others at the rate of 1 a year (Usually the same one!) and the other’s a devil worshipper! No LTRs here. 😉 Good list, all around.
I think leading the superhero spouses charge for me right now is Batgirl Stephanie Brown.
If Booster Gold, the guy who can literally take you anywhen for your honeymoon, doesn’t make this list, I don’t know how average joes like me ever stood a chance.
Oh, Huntress at the drop of a hat. It doesn’t matter that she would most likely, you know, kill me.
Power Girl – I imagine being married to her would be domesticated bliss.
Steph Brown – fun-loving, quirky and cute.
Kitty Pryde – what RobotZombie said.
Some potential superpeople on my list:
* Ultimate Invisible Woman, because she’s a genius, and I love smart women.
* Mary Marvel pre-52: Sweet, innocent, nice, friendly.
* Batgirl: Funny, awkward, ultimately wants to do the right thing.
* Gwen Stacy pre-… you know. Sweet girl next door.
* Spider-Girl: Nerdy enough to tweet about her super-encounters, funny.
Spider Woman. Super hot brunette with a British accent, yowza!
I think Power Girl would be my number one, followed closely by Ms. Marvel.
Lust not forget Black Canary or Zatanna!
“He’s funny and smart and geeky, which I’m a total sucker for.” Really, Ali? You don’t say?
This is almost exactly my gay marriege superhero list. Except Scott Summer y would totaly trade him off for Danny Rand. He’s everything Scott is, but he’s also a millonare and knows kung fu.
Where is your boyfriend Thor???
My Boyfriend Thor is on the Top 5 list of Series-specific Versions of Superheroes I’d Totally Marry, which (I will sadly admit) is a different list entirely.
Psylocke
Kitty Pryde
Cassandra Cain
Stephanie Brown
Barbara Gordon
Power Girl
FWIW, I *like* all these heroes but I don’t think I’d want one as a spouse, even starter-wise. However, I’d marry Warren Worthington III for his money, since he seems like he’d be fun and less likely to screw up your life than the other billionaire playboys out there. This is on the condition he’s not possessed by Apocalypse at the time.
Big barda….
.what? Ya wanna fight about it?!
Is it weird that I like Captain Marvel. He’s always so handsome and a child at heart (literally), thus making me feel a little strange about the choice.
Wait, Spider-manchild? Whatever floats your boat, I guess…
I would marry Wonder Woman. I don’t know if she’ll have me, though…
Sue Storm – Smart, confident, well-rounded, and after Reed I’ll look like the most attentive husband ever.
Jen Walters – I’ll take the powered-down version, thanks. Unless Thanos shows up at our Panera or something.
Liberty Belle – Driven, compassionate and that is a killer outfit. Not the Jesse Quick one with the spanks.
Jessica Jones – Tough-as-nails, world wise and quick witted. I will not, however, do anything until the divorce is final.
Lois Lane – Not super, but the most heroic character in comics. Lois fights for truth, justice and freedom every bit as hard as the Man of Steel without any of his fancy powers. She inspires Superman. Nuff said.
Why would anyone want to marry a superhero? Last I looked – the track record for dead spouses was at a all time high . . .
Hmmm, I think the only person on this list who actually has made a good husband is Wally West. If I were a woman, I think I’d have to come up with Barry Allen as my number one, with Superman, Colossus and Rick Grimes coming in next.
I have top 5 list of SUPER WOMEN I would marry: #1
WonderWoman: Lasso Of Bondage oops I mean Truth and she has the powers of the greek gods Yes please. #2. Catwoman: She’s tough and crafty and passionate. #3. Black Canary because well she could sonic scream and kick butt 🙂 #4 Chloe Sullivan because she’s a snarky, computer genius, and she can heal people 🙂 #5. Talia she’s the heiress of a criminal empire and deadly 🙂
These are all excellent responses!
My ideal comic book husband is probably Hank McCoy. If he’s some version of blue and furry it would be a chaste marriage, but he’d be a fantastic lifelong companion — witty, fun, intelligent, caring, and never boring.
My choices for a comic book wife:
Kitty Pride, for all the reasons stated previously.
Atom Eve, also cute and sweet, with the power to manipulate things at the atomic level!
Jessica Jones, a strong, witty and independant woman. well, as long as it doesnt mean having to take on Luke Cage)
Veronica (from Archie)
Does Buffy count? Technically she does have a comic.
I knew from the first moment I saw this tweeted by the iFanboy account it was Ali who wrote it, but I’m completely shocked Thor wasn’t number one let alone on the list.
Was it because of Post Coital Thor?
Also in regards to Scott being his own man, did you ever think that’s what the telepaths want everyone to think?
Really really Baaaad choices. Bruce Wayne has way too many issues to have a lasting relationship. Scott Summers totally abandoned his wife Maddy Pryor and son, for Jean Grey back from the dead. Cap America only listens to big band and you couldn’t take him to see the Whitestripes or Motorhead or Radio head or who-ever-head. Straight Benny Goodman vanilla bean missionary stuff for that big blue boy scout. Peter Parker is still kid dammit. Wally West or Barry Allen would make great hubbies in my opinion though. So would Wolverine (after a makeover), Thor (he’s got old school manners), and Stiltman (reaching stuff of the high shelf). As for the wives its hard think that any of them would work out. They’re powers would create issues that would strain the relationship. Jean Grey knows when you lie or have wandering eyes, Poison Ivy won’t let you eat salad, people keep trying to kill Jessica Jones when you take her to hear the whitestripes or Motorhead or Radiohead or who-ever-head. No thanks.
POWER GIRL (hey-oh!)
EASY, Mystique!! She can be Pan Anderson on Mon, Jessica Alba on Tues, Angelina Jolie on Weds……
Total man crush on Colossus tho, tall , artistic , steel skin
I have to go with @RobotZombie on this. Cute, smart, pet dragon … Kitty Pryde all the way.
I also gotta say Jessica Jones but that may be because she is one of very few female characters in superhero books to benefit from truly complete, complex and compelling writing and character development.
A) Shocked there is no Thor on here…..then again he will totally get out of it since we’ve all confirmed he’s a bit of a douche.
B) Parker? I mean the man decided to change his entire life by getting rid of his wife of many years so he can save his already elderly (I can’t believe she’s still alive phase) Aunt to stay alive.
Why commit to a man who clearly will sell you out in the end?
U Go Girl, Jade, Jubilee, Catwoman, Husk
Cyclops is a rat, i’m thinking here of Madelyne Pryor/Emma Frost–very shabby behaviour.
I think Black Canary and I would be a good match. She’s already put up with a blonde, loud-mouthed scoundrel. Here’s hoping she’d make the same mistake twice.
And Zatanna. She’s hot, good-humored, and just so damn adorable all around. Plus, think of the fun you could have with a spell caster. On second thought, a scorned Zatanna could be serious trouble.
@flakbait Booster’s in my top five list for sure. Catman second.
1. Wonder Woman – the ultimate woman as far as I’m concerned.
2. Zatanna – Another gorgeous brunette, I like magic, and things could get freaky!
3. Power Girl – Powers like Supergirl, tragic last survivor of – nah, it’s the boobs. Gotta be the boobs.
4. Ultimate Sue Storm – Have you SEEN how she’s drawn? Like a supermodel with brains and powers.
5. Scarlet – I have a weakness for redheads, and the crazy ones are always the best in the sack.
Which one is rich?
Helena Bertinelli. I marry into money.